Sasha & Patric & Josh too!!

What a drab last post!

2011-09-13T05:37:00.001-07:00

Ok--so moving on from that last post...wow! How depressing! It was good to write it out, and well...lets move on. I was eating really well for like 2 weeks...and then I sucked! I even gave up birthday cake for my birthday...but then the very next week said screw it, lets eat ice cream! We had A LOT of rain...and well, that ruins any type of motivation I have!

We have been trying to build our gluten free bakery. We are in with a wine tasting and restaurant shop in Occoquan. Next weekend, Sept 24 is Occoquan's big craft show so there is no Occoquan Farmer's Market....normally we would be losing money, but Tastefully Yours is going to be ordering our products to sell for that day. I can't stop thinking about having our own shop and just changing Patric's work situation entirely...but we don't have the cash for it : ( We need Patric's paycheck, desperately!

This blog has been void of pictures because my camera has been on the fritz for awhile. I looked on my camera last night and had some great shots!

Who needs snow?? Ella and Josh LOVED sledding in our dirt backyard. This is a day or two before they moved out.
Best friends forever.
A few minutes before they left our lives. I was the only one a blubbering mess...
Yesterday Josh called me into his room. He was very proud of his set up. He has a nice audience for the train race that he set up. I love when Josh plays with his toys!
I went to Joanns for stuff for Andersson's Kitchen, and I always get little crafts for Josh. He and Patric worked on painting a train last night.
Josh did a really good job painting!
Oh...and I chopped my hair off even more...

In other news--
Patric got his "swimmers" checked...his decision, not mine. We have focused so much on "fixing" me...but apparently it is not just me. Thankful for a doctor that said we need to check your husband too..because a lot of doctors will only focus on the female. Well...Patric has a lower, not LOW, but lower count...and bad motility, his morphology is fine...higher ph...basically...we are screwed. haha...well, you know me! I am not going to let that lead our lives. My dr suggests Patric go to a urologist. I went to Dr. Google last night and read about some natural herbs that should help. So now that we know completely what we are up against, and that it isn't just my fault or his fault, we can move forward to try to fix the issue. I read great things about maca root...so we shall see. Patric had a feeling something was wrong with him, and glad for once that I didn't talk him away from something! Oh...and this month was the BEST for intimacy that it has been for a long time with us. I don't know why. But we actually enjoyed each other this month...now we just need to reap the benefits of our enjoyment ; )

So thats that!

Sasha

Blah

2011-08-11T12:52:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer on this blog:
What I am about to write should just go in a journal tucked away somewhere to magically take away all that I feel...but...I don't have a journal, this has sort of been my journal, so while I am opening this up to the world to read, I don't want anyone coming up to me to talk about what I write. Feel free to leave messages, but I don't want to be bombarded with information or thoughts or whatever to my face. For once, I ask for you to talk to me behind my back! haha. Also--if you get easily offended, don't read either.

I don't know if I ever wrote that I was doing clomid. I don't know if I wanted that to be out in the blog world or not. If you didn't know...well now you do. And while clomid made me ovulate earlier in my cycle...I did not get pregnant on the three rounds I was prescribed. My doctor only wanted to do three rounds, which I am grateful for because I didn't think it was going to work anyway.

When I think back on how I wanted my life to go, I can tell you, I never thought fertility issues would rock my world. I always had in the back of my mind, oh my husband is going to die young, I never will get married(ha..I got married at 20), I am going to be a Social Worker in a hospital to help families with cancer in the family (if you can believe it...that is what I initially wanted to do with my life), etc.

When we decided to try for a 2nd child in December 2008 I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be here on August 8, 2011 without one or two more children in my arms. Patric and I discussed how many kids we wanted when we were dating. I can assure you, one kid was never in the discussions. And yet, I think that is all we will have. And typing that out is SO hard. I have tried EVERYTHING, within our financial means, to have my own little baby in my arms again. It hurts so much knowing that Josh is growing up so quickly and soon I won't have someone to be with me during the days anymore. I often feel alone (though I know I am not alone...I have a few dear friends that have or are going through what I am). I often want to run away and be by myself. I can't always hide how I feel, I wear my emotions on my face so well.

We have three options now - IUI, IVF and adoption. We don't have the money for IVF and honestly, I just don't think I have the mental capacity to do it. I don't think I could adopt either, though I have often thought about fostering children. This leaves IUI..which we may or may not do. My insurance only covers half of it...and we don't have much cash anyway...and there isn't MUCH higher of a chance doing it anyway.

Going through this has been like going through the grief cycle 12 months out of the year. Every time I am not pregnant that month, I get angry, sad, and then I get over it. Until the next month...and lets do it all again. I just want to move to acceptance that it isn't going to happen and move on with my life. I don't want the emotional rollercoaster anymore. I feel like I am such a horrible mom because I can't see the child in front of me half the time because I am constantly longing for the one I don't have. And if you know my son, you know that he is the most loving and caring little boy ever. I don't think I could have gotten a better kid. So I am VERY grateful to have him.

So...here is my post to say I am moving on. I am accepting the life that has been thrown my way. I am switching the focus back to me...I lost 20 pounds in 6 weeks...think I can do it again? For me, I have to have something to focus on. Obviously I can't say that Patric and I will EVER stop trying because we don't have to wear protection...since we have gone 2.5 years without it! So there is always a chance and there will always be hope. But I can say, I am not going to stop exercising while I wait to know if I am pregnant. I am not going to over indulge in foods I shouldn't eat because hopefully I will just be pregnant anyway. I will TRY to accept the fact that I have friends that will always have more kids than me. I think that is the hardest part. I wish I could be thrown on an island with people who only have one kid and have tried and tried and tried for another and can't conceive...for no apparent reason at all.

I know I have much to be grateful for...so I want to accept this part of my life so I can fully appreciate the other parts of my life that are so great.

Don't be alarmed when you see my super skinny again. I AM eating...I DO want to lose weight, I NEED to have a focus other then trying to get pregnant.

If you have read this from start to finish, I applaud you. It is not uplifting...and I am not trying to be. I have been battling my feelings for so long...trying to put on a happy face when on the inside I am falling apart. It may take me awhile to truly feel happy...I hope not too long. I just want to feel the happiness that I know I have felt, again.

It has been awhile!

2011-07-05T06:09:00.000-07:00

We have been pretty busy over here for the past few weeks! I am not complaining. We have gotten orders in for our bakery (www.anderssonskitchen.com) and have gotten GREAT feedback. I don't know if everyone is just being nice, or if they really DO like our stuff...either way it is fun.

We just got an order in for 1 dozen red velvet cupcakes, 1 dozen strawberry cupcakes and an 8in vanilla cake. I am SO excited someone ordered the strawberry cupcakes. It is the first time someone has and I LOVE them. I hope they will too. People have been so generous in passing our cards around and we are grateful for all the support.

In the midst of all this excitement...Patric got a raise. Can you believe it? Three years waiting for this great raise, and it happened so anti-climatic. On pay day, the payroll clerk came to him and said, oh, you got a raise. It wasn't a great raise...in fact, I felt like it was a slap in the face, but a raise is a raise I suppose, and we should be grateful. It still doesn't steer us from getting this bakery REALLY going so that he can get out of there! I called him last week for something and he just sounded SO DOWN. And if you know my husband, he RARELY sounds depressed. He is the happy swede! I asked him what the matter was...and he said that he would talk with me later about it (which only meant one thing to me...he didn't want his jerk of a boss to hear him complaining about him). I have seen my husband look and sound down more then I want to in the five years he has worked there. Actually--he probably enjoyed the first year, it was probably around year 2 and on that we realized this job was not going to be a career for him...but a place to hang for awhile until something better came along. I didn't exactly think the something better would be a gluten free bakery...but you never know what is going to come your way in life.

It has been a bit more chaotic for me then Patric in this adventure because, while yes, I am home with Josh and I SHOULD be able to get the baking under control...I also run an accounting business (if you didn't already know that), and trying to keep Josh entertained through it all. It has been interesting, but I think when we get into the swing of things and when I have Patric home with me (one day...) then it will all be fine.

In other news -

The Terry's are moving out this weekend. It has been 10 months of living with our friends. People can't believe we are still friends after this. It hasn't always been easy, I am sure on both sides, but I would do it again. We are sad to see them leave the state! I think Josh will be moping around for while...longing for his Ella.

Other than that---we have some fun things coming up. We are in the Occoquan Farmer's Market, so our Saturday mornings are determined for us until October 29. We have our niece and her friend, coming to visit from Sweden from July 27 - August 12. We are taking her on our family vacation to the beach in NC. I hope she will be able to handle the chaos! I SO can't wait to go to the beach. I have had many feelings of selling our house recently. I know I won't do it...but it is SO enticing to sell it, take the profit and move to NC. I REALLY have a strong desire to be closer to water. We aren't too far now, but I want to be EVEN closer. Virginia is a great place to live though, because there are always jobs...especially in my industry...and there is money...for our other industry (bakery). We will just have to buy a vacation home and visit a couple of times a year.

And--because this blog has been void of pictures for a while...here are some pics!

Valerie wanted to go to the zoo...and we wanted to come!

This little girl or guy was SO LOUD! He/She was adorable and definitely had a crowd of people watching him.

I love these two together...Brendan and Josh.

Josh decided he wanted to sit on the lap of this bear.

This is SUCH a delicious cake! It is our gluten free cookies and cream cake with cookies and buttercream icing with cake crumbles and ganache.
I learned this technique in my decorating class, so I decided to try it out on a customer. People at her party liked the look of them so much that I got an order, JUST because of that! (well..hopefully because of the taste as well). That is what I love about this...this last order was from someone who is not even gluten free...and it is for her daughter's birthday party. I am honored that she chose to go with us on such an important day!
And--because sometimes I need major changes in my life...
I chopped my hair off.

That's all for now!

Final Weigh in!

2011-06-19T17:19:00.000-07:00

So--now that we have stuffed ourselves on this great Father's Day like gluttonous pigs, I must post our final results of this week long soup diet.

Patric lost 9.8 lbs
Sasha lost 7.4 lbs

My stomach is SO SORE from all the crap I ate today...well, it wasn't all crap, but it was certainly more than I have ate the last week! I can't wait to eat well tomorrow and wash away the sugar that I have eaten today.

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - 7

2011-06-18T07:33:00.000-07:00

The Final Day! We are finally here. What a long week!

Today - on the menu - Brown rice, unsweetened juice and veggies. Be sure to stuff yourself (not possible) and eat the soup. you can add cooked veggies to your rice if you wish.

I am out of the soup so I went and bought a vegetable campbells soup. I can't eat the other soup anymore, I think its nasty. Patric likes the soup better than campbells...go figure.

Weight loss -

Patric - down 8.9 lbs
Sasha - down 7.2 lbs

I will probably end up only losing like 8 lbs on this diet...so 10-17 my butt! i know its because I haven't eaten enough...I had no energy and no appetite for the food!

Today I filled an order for red velvet cupcakes, and I wanted to make sure they tasted ok. I had to spit the cupcake out so I wouldn't get the calories. What a freakin waste!

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - 6

2011-06-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

Day 5 kinda sucked too. Basically, this whole diet sucks. The main problem with it is that it doesn't allow for much of a good breakfast food item. I don't want to eat veggies for breakfast and I don't like eating meat that early either.

Today--meat and veggies. You can have 2-3 steaks if you want even. And make sure you eat the soup at least once. I already resolved to not making more soup, so once we are out, thats it. We are going to have to ration the soup.

Weight loss-
Patric - down 7.7 lbs
Sasha - down 6 lbs

I don't know if we will make the 10-17 lb range. Two more full days of this crap. I do have to say, that it is nice to see the scale lower though...and it HAS made me want to continue to eat healthy after I am done. While it is NOT a diet to do forever, it is a good kick start to better eating habits.

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - 5

2011-06-16T05:52:00.000-07:00

Holy Crap! We are finally at day 5...three more full days left of this diet. Yesterday wasn't bad with all the bananas, but the milk gave me a bad taste in my mouth. Oh well!

Patric didn't lose anything from yesterday to today...ha!

Weightloss -

Patric - down 7.2 lbs
Sasha - down 5.6 lbs

Today is meat and tomatoes day. I mean seriously, who wrote this crap? Yesterday I was chatting with some friends and one, Jody Wild, suggested that I start a blog where I just write about different fad diets I am on at the time. I would have to gain weight and lose over and over again, but then I can tie that into Andersson's Kitchen. Pretty funny huh? I have the willpower to do crazy diets, so it could be a funny thing to do..though it will SUCK!

So..I made chicken last night for us to consume today. I have 12 roma tomatoes all ready to eat! And of course...the soup.

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - 4

2011-06-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

Day 3 wasn't so bad. I ate a ton of fruit, a few veggies and the soup. People find my willpower to be so great...I guess it is because four people in the same house are doing it. I honestly don't have any cravings. I mean, I could still go for a sandwich or something, but Im not DYING to eat. And I have been without soda for more than a week now.

Day 4 Diet
Eat bananas and skim milk...and dont forget the soup. I dont mind the soup today because as off 3:18, I have only eaten three bananas and probably three cups of skim milk and water. Milk and bananas fill me up pretty good though, so I am not starving.

Weight loss -
Patric - down 7.2 lbs
Sasha - down 4.8 lbs

Of course my husband would lose weight faster...but he also has more to lose, right???

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - 3

2011-06-14T05:43:00.000-07:00

So ok...day 2 SUCKED! I was weak and starving all day. Veggies and soup is NOT enough to help sustain me. It was nice to have that potato at the end of the day though.

Weight loss -

Patric - down 5 lbs
Sasha - down 3 lbs

Today, the menu is, soup (which I tastes like vomit to me now), veggies and fruit. I think I can handle this. The fruit will be nice to have in the morning and I bought strawberries, grapes, watermelon and pineapple. We also have apples.

I really think this diet is bogus, and the only reason I have lost anything is because I am HUNGRY!
I will not fail on this diet though...even though I have to bake yummy treats from my bakery today to give out to a couple of customers.

Just five more days!

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - Day 2

2011-06-13T05:44:00.001-07:00

Wow---Day one was hard! I think Day two will be even harder...but day three will be alright.

Day two -
All vegetables. Eat until you are stuffed with fresh, raw, cooked or canned vegetables. Try to eat green leafy veggies and stay away from dry beans, peas and corn. Eat veggies along with soup. At dinnertime tonight, reward yourself with a big baked potato and butter. Don't eat any fruits through today.

So--

Weightloss -

Patric - down 3.2
Sasha - down 2.0

I actually made it to the gym and Patric is out riding his bike with Josh strapped in on it...so I am sure he is getting a good work out too!

I felt good this morning. Last night I thought I was going to eat my arm! TMI warning---so far I am the only one with any change in bowel movements...but it could be because my body isn't used to eating so much fruit! I ate basically a half of a watermelon by myself yesterday, an apple, grapes, strawberries and soup!

Just 6 more days!

Sacred Heart Medical Diet???

2011-06-12T12:08:00.001-07:00

So---

I heard Brad and Kami talking about some soup diet and whether they were going to do it or not. I was like, what is this diet you are referring to? They gave me a sheet with the info on it and I ran upstairs to chat with Patric. Patric was all for it, and so we decided to do this crazy diet for a week.

Now--I have googled this diet and it is not endorsed by Sacred Heart or anything like that...it has been a diet that has been passed around since the 80s. It used to be the Cabbage soup diet (thank goodness the cabbage is no longer in the soup...it sure would get smelly around here!) and it has other names to it as well.

Well---the more I read, the more skeptical I was to whether we should even TRY to do this "diet". It is TRULY a fad diet because there is absolutely NO WAY to sustain this diet. But---it is a way to get us off of the crap we have been eating and on our way to a healthier lifestyle...which is what I have been BEGGING Patric to do for the last like three years.

So--we started the diet today.

Day 1 - Any fruit (except bananas). Cantaloupes and Watermelons are lower in calories than most fruits. Eat only soup and fruits today.

The Soup is -

1 or 2 cans of stewed tomatoes
3 large green onions
1 large can of beef broth
1 bunch of celery
2 cans of green beans
2 lbs of carrots
2 green peppers

Season with salt, pepper, curry, boillon or hot or worchestershire sauce. Cut veggies in small to medium pieces. cover with water. Boil fast for 10 minutes. Reduce to simmer and continue to cook until veggies are tender.

For drinks -
Unsweetened Juices
Tea
Coffee
Cranberry Juice
Skim Milk
Water

This diet claims you can lose 10-17 lbs in one week. So--while I am skeptical on how long we will last on it...it would be nice to lose 10 lbs and hopefully get our eating habits under wraps. Or...I can just say this is a mind game that I am playing. It is a way for me to see if I have any willpower!! I had a lot more willpower from October 2008-August 2009. I do miss the way I felt back then...so it is my desire that this diet with help me gain control of something in my life (my eating), and hopefully I will be able to keep a low cal diet after it is done.

Is it ridiculous? Probably...but it is fun to put ourselves through this for a week. I will write each day what we are able to eat, plus our weight loss numbers each day this week. This is TOTALLY a blog worthy type of thing to do!

Sasha

New hair cut and Andersson's Kitchen!

2011-06-10T14:40:00.000-07:00

So-
This week brought some changes! I chopped my hair off, for one! Sometimes I just need a change, and I was thinking about this change for about two months. Patric likes my hair long, but he understood that I needed this...so I did it. We discussed where I should go. The last few times I have gone to hair cuttery it has been a bad experience. You get what you paid for right? Patric thought I should go to a nicer place, but in the end, I went back to what I know...I guess I live on the wild side! I walked into Hair Cuttery with a picture of a style I wanted and asked the person who greeted me if there was someone there that could take my hair, which was currently down and still wet from my shower (seriously, with 100 degree weather, I am NOT running the hair dryer) from what it was, to the picture I had with me. The lady pointed to another person who was finishing up a cut. I thought that it was great that she didn't say she could do it and then destroy my hair. I felt comfortable with who she pointed to and said I would be back. I had to go into Target to pick up some junk that I forgot to buy the previous day I was at Target...I swear I could live at Target.

Anyway--I go back and Lindsay, who doesn't have set hours at Hair Cuttery, chopped my hair off. She did an AWESOME job...especially because she wasn't cocky about her cutting style. I liked that...she asked me how I liked it while she was cutting...asked for input if I wanted her to fix anything etc. I am VERY pleased with the cut. I will have to take a good picture of it when I have actually done it nice and upload on this post.

Then--today, we FINALLY had our inspection for Andersson's Kitchen. www.anderssonskitchen.com

We PASSED!!! Hooray! I feel like now I can finally get the word out, since we wanted to make sure we had all our ducks in a row before taking this on. Remember, we have big goals...so big goals means you have to get all the paperwork done in the very beginning (am I an accountant or what???).

We already have our first official order in as well. I have filled a few orders for my mom = ) but this is not my mom! I am grateful for any and all support from my friends and family surrounding this business. Patric and I really believe and have worked hard to make our products the way they are and also getting all the paperwork completed etc to make this happen. It is our desire to get Patric moved into this full time soon enough so he can stop being belittle by his boss. It will be a huge leap when we finally get him out of that situation, but it will be worth it to be with my husband all the time...because that is also a desire we have for each other. Patric is my soul mate and I ache for him when I am not with him and it has been our desire for about two years to work side by side.

Anyway---that is all for now!

Memorial Weekend Get - A - Way!

2011-05-30T17:58:00.000-07:00

So--Patric and I kept discussing what we were going to do for Memorial Weekend...if anything. I had basically decided we weren't going to do anything, we need to save money yadda yadda yadda. Well...the Emericks came over for dinner one day a few weeks ago and we were discussing Memorial Weekend. I had stated that we generally like to do something, especially beach related...and they were like, ooh, we're in! So then I was like, it could be fun to recruit the Near family as well, since Brendan is Josh's best friend. How fun would that be to have three four year old boys together for a weekend of sun, sand and waves? When I approached the Nears, they got back to me and said they were in! Off to Ward Realty I went to look for houses. We got a great home and had the best weekend. We all got a little burned...but I think we made some great memories and strengthened our friendships (at least I hope!!).

Here are some fun pics! (Because my camera actually decided to work this weekend, HOORAY!)

I may be a little biased here, but these three four year old boys are the coolest and cutest I know!

Digging in the sand is a must at the beach!

Chris catching some waves.
The Emericks admiring Chris's wave catching abilities.

Valerie dropping some fears and catching some waves.

My favorite part of going to the beach is sitting and reading a good book.

Thanks to the Emerick Family and Near Family for wanting to go on this trip with us. I hope that we will be able to take many more like this in the future with friends!

A New Hope!!

2011-04-28T05:56:00.000-07:00

So--

I have been in hiding with my fertility issues because I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I didn't want my life to be surrounded by my infertility. I wanted to enjoy my son and also focus on building my accounting business. But---I did finally make an appointment with my doctor and was seen on April 13. She ordered some blood tests to get done and told me to go that Saturday. I knew I hadn't ovulated yet and one of the tests was for progesterone so I opted to wait until Monday (though even by then I hadn't ovulated or was ovulating that day).

They took 20 freakin vials of blood!! The lady when she was printing off the labels was like, I hope you had a good breakfast this morning. I didn't. I had a bowl of cinnamon chex if I can recall. So I sit down in the chair, and I know not to look because it freaks me out...but she just kept pulling different vials. It probably took her five minutes just to sort out the labels with the blood vials.

finally--she goes to take my blood, and she doesn't put the rubber band around my arm like they normally do...and then probably like a minute later from trying to get my blood to start flowing, another person comes to check out why my blood isn't flowing, at this point I do look over...no blood, just a needle in my vein.

Finally, she puts the rubber band around my arm and the blood starts flowing. I think we get to vial 6 before I start feeling woozy...they had me lay down, asked me if I wanted to stop..put a wet towel on my head...called in someone over the loud speaker to take my blood pressure and pulse. Through all this, which probably only took 2 minutes at most, I said, NO, KEEP TAKING THE BLOOD! The feeling of ALMOST passing out is CRAZY! My hearing started going...like I felt like I was in a tunnel or something and they were far away. I had tingling in my hands and I couldn't talk normal. They did finish filling up the 20 vials. They took my blood pressure twice...obviously the first one was low... A nice lady even offered to drive me somewhere. But after a few minutes, I was fine. Poor Josh had to watch all the hullabaloo happening. I asked him later if he was scared, and he said, no. I knew you were ok. I love that little man!

Anyway---

All my test results came back normal, except for one. And this is a GREAT one! Though not great that I don't have normal results, I suppose, it is something to FIX!!

I tested positive for one copy of the C677T mutation on the MTHFR gene. This mutation can cause miscarriages and implantation problems. Hello 2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy over here!!! The good news is, with higher doses of folic acid(which my doctor already prescribed and I am already taking since my April 13 appointment), along with baby aspirin, b-6 and b-12 there is hope that I can carry another child to term! Of course, I must get pregnant first (though I have had my suspicions in this past year that we did have other losses...especially when I was late a couple of times and I am never late), and that is where the clomid comes in. My doctor also prescribed clomid, which I will be taking soon...unless by some miracle I am pregnant now. I highly doubt it and am not holding my breath...so don't hold yours!

I just HAD to write this out, because it gives me hope! All my clotting tests regarding this mutation came back within normal ranges, I believe, so at least nothing else is wrong except that I have this pesky little mutation for the rest of my life...and will have to have it monitored.

I WILL get pregnant soon!

Baking Queen!

2011-04-09T14:52:00.000-07:00

I had to look at the last time I posted and it was March 25. It has been like three weeks since we have decided to seriously look into doing this gluten free bakery, and while it is exciting and fun, I have many fears.

My biggest fear is that I am going to contaminate someone that has gluten intolerance with my baking. I NEVER want to make someone sick with something they buy from me. While I am focusing on making my items gluten free, and testing that I can do to make sure that it is gluten free I stumble upon forums and blogs with people talking about how they are getting sick. Gluten is in EVERYTHING it seems, even things that we think are gluten free. There is an entire forum surrounding people testing foods and seeing if there is gluten or at least the ppm (whatever that means). In America, anything 20 ppm and lower is considered gluten free, in all other countries I believe 0 ppm is gluten free, so America is a bit behind on this disease. There are test strips out there to test the food for 10ppm or higher. I don't grow my own rice or milk my own cow so how do I TRULY know if things are gluten free?? I certainly don't want to give an item that I think is gluten free to someone with celiac disease, only to cause them to get sick. I could very well have gluten intolerance, as it is a highly genetic disease and I know that it runs in my family, but I don't deal with the sickness that someone of my family members have, so I don't have the reactions that they do.

I am a rollercoaster of emotions regarding this endeavor. I want to make good food that anybody would eat...but the fear of making someone sick SUCKS! Maybe I need to turn my backyard into one big farm to ensure that the items I offer are 100% gluten free.

With that being said--I am quite happy with our spread thus far. We did register our name with the county, so we are officially Andersson's Kitchen. We need to get all of our paperwork into the department of Agriculture and then get inspected. If we pass inspection, then we can go to the county and get zoning approval. Though in VA, you don't really have to do all this, I want to do it because I have bigger dreams (or at least bigger goals. This wasn't really a dream of mine). I had to stop trying new recipes because we have to turn all of our recipes into the dept of agriculture and it was getting ridiculous how long it took to type it all up and do all the procedures etc.

We have a good list though ---

Cookies -
White chip macadamia nut
Melt aways
Chocolate Chip
Chocolate with white chip
peanut butter
Sugar cookies
White chip and toffee
Chocolate dipped chocolate chip
Chocolate dipped Shortbread cookies
Blueberry Muffins
Chocolate Chip Muffins
Vanilla Cupcakes
Triple Chocolate Cupcakes
Strawberry Cupcakes (a personal fav)
Lemon Cupcakes
Dark Chocolate Cupcakes
Red Velvet Cupcakes (my mom's fav)
Peanut butter cup chocolate cupcakes
Vanilla Mousse Cheesecake
Sour Cream Lemon Poundcake
Brownies
Angel Food Cake
Chocolate Cream Pie
Pavlova
Apple Pie
And then various icings for the cupcakes

We will add more, but we wanted to get these to the state to get the process going.

My mom did order some cupcakes today...so we had our first official sale. I felt kind of weird taking money from my mom for this endeavor, but she insisted since it was a business we were running. Of course, she has had MANY freebies given to her through these past few weeks, and I threw in another 5 or 6 cupcakes from another batch I made for her to try as well as my step-niece...who the cupcakes were for because she had a birthday party and is gluten free.

There are some ULTRA sensitive gluten intolerant people out there...I think I need to just stay away from their forums or I will walk away from this endeavor. They go completely grain free, meaning no rice even...and rice isn't supposed to have gluten in it. Patric just said, those are the types that won't be our customers. I guess he is right, because if you are ultra sensitive to gluten you probably need to grow and make everything yourself because probably everything comes in contact with a little bit of gluten here and there.

I feel a bit discouraged...though many around me are good at keeping my spirits up, especially my mom. She is super excited about this...I think moreso then when I decided to open my bookkeeping and tax business.

Anyway--we are off to dinner. I get to bring some yummy treats!

Sasha

I think Patric and I are nuts!

2011-03-25T12:30:00.001-07:00

So if you are friends with my on facebook, you may have noticed the abundance of baking I have been doing lately. I am trying out recipes and changing them to be gluten free. Why would I do that?? Well--back in 2004 when Patric and I got married, he said he thought that we should open a gluten free restaurant or bakery or whatever. I laughed and said, no way. Obviously, during that time, I have baked gluten free and cooked gluten free, not only for the benefit of my immediate family of Patric and Josh and I, but also because I have diagnosed members of my family with gluten intolerance.

I don't know exactly how it came up last week...perhaps I bothered Patric again about his lack of a raise (well...his boss's lack of integrity really...) and how if Patric really put his mind to it, he could run his own business, like he did in Sweden. I asked him what his fear was...that America is the land of opportunity...that if he could make it in Sweden he could make it here...and all the other "pep talk" crap that comes out of my mouth when I try to put some confidence into my beaten down husband...which we all know, I participate in beating him down from time to time as well.

Well---his response was, I think we should do a gluten free bakery. (He has thrown this idea at me over and over again in the seven years we have been married, by the way). I said, fine...lets do it. Well--more like, ok, lets think about this seriously, talk with the county, research online for other gluten free bakers in the area, what our competition is like, what other gluten free bakers have done etc...because while I LOVE LOVE LOVE to bake, it kind of scares me to get REALLY busy with baking (how pompous of me...I don't even know if anyone will buy my stuff), and how would I keep up with Josh and running SJP Accounting (which has been AWESOME this year by the way...I am very pleased with the first quarter of 2011 for SJP Accounting.) While I love my husband, and I totally think he could do some of the work that I do, basically anyone could, I am a control freak when it comes to SJP Accounting. But---this gluten free baking idea is Patric's idea...so if he wants to do it, he will have to get on the phone with the county (which he has already done), research other gluten free bakers (which he has already done) etc.

I think he is serious about this one ladies and gents. We still need to figure it all out and we REALLY need to pray and probably make a trip up to the temple for this one (I am so grateful to be a Latter-Day Saint aka Mormon), because I am able to make decisions that are aided by the Big Man Upstairs. This is NOT an endeavor that I am going to take lightly...especially since I will take on most of the baking in the beginning, as Patric still has a full time job (which we had a goal for him to get out of soon...) and still run SJP Accounting AND still be a stay at home mom. I am exhausted just THINKING about it....but if it is truly what we are supposed to do, I am up to the challenge, and definitely excited to see Patric have some life in him again. I think his job has drained the life out of him...whether he sees it or not!

So while we are still in the research and development stages and maybe never will get to the actual opening of a gluten free business (which would initially be run from our home, but we have some long term goals, at least in our heads...for a storefront), you will continue to see yummy baked goodies posted on facebook and my runs to your house (if you are one of the lucky ones) with treats that I need you to try out ... so I don't gain a million pounds in this process (thank GOODNESS I bought a 6 month gym pass!!) Try not to drool too much on the computer screen...because I gotta tell you, all that I have baked this week have been AMAZING! And most importantly, I think that yummy gluten free treats are a must for those who suddenly have to change their diet!

So---what are your thoughts? am I nutso?

Josh is four??!

2011-03-20T04:59:00.000-07:00

Where did the time go? I still remember the days leading up to his birth. I somewhat remember the hospital stay. I definitely remember the cuddly newborn days. But now my little boy is four? This must be a mistake! I have memories when I was four. I guess I need to start being a better parent since his memory is going to be getting better!

Anyway--I have been somewhat busy (ok a lot busy) these past few weeks and the mommy guilt set in quite a bit, so we did Josh's birthday fun this year. We got him presents (which some we had bought before Christmas, we just held onto them), and decided that we were going to take him to Chuck E Cheese's for his birthday dinner. We have never taken him to Chuck E Cheese's and the last time I went was for my niece Rebecca's like third birthday or something. Luckily it was a Monday night, so it wasn't too crazy. I kept going back and forth as to whether I should invite Josh's friend Brendan and our friends Chris and Valerie. Part of me wanted Josh's bestie there, but the other part of me didn't want to put our friends through the chaos. I decided to ask anyway, and they actually wanted to come. So that made Josh happy, and of course, us happy!

Here are some pictures of Josh on his birthday.

He is standing next to his "grow chart" that we created on our wall. He has grown an inch in a month! He is wearing his new Shaun White shirt. Ever since the olympics, he loves Shaun White, and target carries his clothing line, so when we walk past his picture he yells, "Shaun White!"
Two things Josh loves, cars and Toy Story. Luckily, hotwheels has combined them! This is a buzz hotwheel.
I actually think he is mocking me in this picture, because I asked him to smile.
We saw this big sidewalk chalk and just couldn't resist buying them for him.
All of Josh's loot. Toy Story 2, sidewalk chalk, a Mickey Mouse puzzle, the game Trouble, Buzz car and a Toy Story sticker book. He was satisfied.
Also--every week when we go food shopping, he has to see the M&M cake. So naturally, when we asked him what type of cake he wanted for his birthday he wanted the M&M cake. It was delicious!

Now you think that would end the festivities of Josh's birth. But no. One Sunday morning, back in January I believe, Patric sat down with Josh and asked if he wanted a birthday party. Of course a kid is going to want a birthday party. I immediately said, we have to limit the amount of friends that come. We have a lot of friends with kids in our church, but I couldn't fathom inviting everyone, so if your kid was not invited, it wasn't because we didn't want your child to be there...it was because we don't have the space or resources to have a party that big! We told Josh that he could pick eight friends. It did get bumped up to ten friends, but one couldn't make it, so we ended up having ten kids at our house yesterday (including Josh). I hope that they had fun. Luckily the weather was beautiful, so we spent a lot of time outside, blowing bubbles, swinging, and exploring the back yard.

We also played a different version of musical chairs and hot potato. Of course, the theme was Toy Story, since my child has loved Toy Story since the existence of his life! They also enjoyed cupcakes and ice cream and opening presents with Josh. Josh was super excited about his presents, naturally, and wanted to plow right through them. We made him stop after each present, and thank and hug the person who gave it to him.

Here are some pictures-
What cute little boys...with their tongues out...
Playing on the swings.
Waiting patiently for Hot Potato. I just couldn't resist taking a million pictures of these cute kids.
Playing "musical chairs."
The decorations.
The kids patiently waiting for some cake and ice cream.

So there it is. Another year of Josh's life down, hopefully many many many many many many many many many many many more to go!

Josh--if you read this later in life, know that your mom and dad love you VERY much and want nothing but happiness for you in your life....even if it means we lose a little of our sanity in the process!

Sweden!

2011-02-24T06:37:00.000-08:00

We had the great opportunity to go to Sweden for Patric's sister Marie's 50th birthday party. Marie wanted Patric to come so she actually paid for his ticket! What a nice sister! I debated back and forth whether I should go, I knew I wanted Josh to go because he needs to know his family in Sweden as well, but finances being the way they have been, up and down, I wasn't sure. Of course, it is also the busy time for me with tax returns and various bookkeeping projects that come up...but, I decided to go as well. We flew out in the evening of Feb 9 and came home the morning of Feb 15 so it was a very short trip. Before we left, I was pretty sad that we were only going to be there for such a short time...we usually are there for two weekends, about 9 days...but we were only there for 4.5 days. Perhaps Harry and Marie were grateful that there houseguests were only there for a short time this time :)

The last time we went to Sweden was to sell Patric's apartment in Goteburg. I guess with that sale I figured he wasn't so interested in living there and that the discussion was off the table for awhile. Well, while we were there, we started talking about the move to Sweden again. Who knows if it will actually happen. Patric will have to take more initiative for it to happen. I do have to remind myself from time to time that I married Patric for the adventure of moving out of my comfort zone...of course, for the last almost 7 years we have been sitting comfortably in the same place I grew up...Patric, I NEED adventure! Make this happen!

Anyway--here are some pictures of the short trip! I didn't pull out the camera for the party, which is unfortunate because Marie looked so beautiful. I don't believe that she is 50...she looks great!
I love this picture of Patric and Josh. Josh absolutely LOVES snow...so this was his heaven on earth.
Patric's sister has a horse farm, so we always get to see these beautiful animals close up when we are in Sweden.
We flew into Sweden on the right day...it was the start of a big snow storm. The next day, flights were canceled. Patric and Josh never can resist doing snow angels.
Sweden is such a beautiful country...and this is just a taste of what Marie and Harry own.
Marie and Harry have an enormous dog...lucky she is the sweetest dog ever.
Patric's heaven...horses, snow, dogs, cats, kids...life doesn't get much better for him.
An example of Josh's fearlessness. Luckily this was a nice horse.
This is probably my favorite city in Sweden, Dalaro, so I needed to go there while we were in Sweden. These ducks were just relaxing on the road...we could literally touch them if we wanted.
Case in point. Patric is standing right next to the duck...and they aren't even phased by it.
It happened to start snowing while we were in Dalaro. It was beautiful. These ducks followed us where ever we went. I have a video on my phone that shows that..but I have to get it on youtube.
These are the houses on the water. Patric and I have dreams of living here one day. Dreams...
Josh loved the ducks..as you can tell. They jumped out of the water eventually as well. I don't have any pictures of that.

I already want to go back...this time in the summer, of course. I wish we could go this summer, but we gotta pay off the tickets we just bought first and get stuff down around here. Perhaps the summer of 2012 we can visit again (or maybe move...ha!).

Holy January!I

2011-01-30T12:29:00.000-08:00

So--wow---I am SO excited that tomorrow is January 31 and I can move on from this month. It was a DOOZY!

To start--I was trying to be a good accountant and load up my software for this tax season. The only problem was, it wasn't working! I enlisted the help of a friend and he got it to load. I thought the problem was over and all would be well again in my world. (Had I known this was one of the minor things I would be dealing with this month I would not have stressed out as much). When I went to license the software, it wouldn't work. So I called tech support and spent probably about eight hours total on the phone with them. Turns out, I had a bad virus that virtually destroyed any chance of getting that program onto my computer. I had a few options 1. Erase everything on the lap top and start over 2. Buy a new lap top.

I opted for number two. Eventually I will erase everything off of my other computer, but I was so scared of losing something that I can't bring myself to do it. This is almost four years of work on my computer...I CERTAINLY can not lose that. How could I explain it to my clients?

I was already freaking out about money for this month because January is a tough month anyway--and now I am out buying a new computer...oh and Quickbooks was on sale, so I opted to buy it as well, since it was so cheap.

Then I decide to start on our tax return, at least get preliminary numbers in so I can plan. I knew I made more money last year then the previous year and having renters in our home, I anticipated having to owe a bit. I didn't anticipate THIS MUCH. I was freaking out!

And then...the next day we get a call from our tenants that the heater was making a really loud banging sound and so they turned it off. We knew that the heater was old...and we knew that eventually it was going to go out...but WHY did it have to be THIS month?? By this point, I thought...I REALLY can not handle anymore...my head is going to EXPLODE!

Remember---I was ALREADY freaking out about being able to pay all of our bills...and then on top of that all of these extra expenses are popping up.

After about a week...I am starting to relax...maybe even feel happy again? Calm? Peace?

HA!

I get a call on Friday Jan 21 from Patric. He says--out of breath--"Sasha, someone tried to run me off the road, the car....its flipped, I flipped the car...I need to call the police." Now...if you can remember...not too long ago Patric got rear ended and the car was totaled..we went through a lot of anxiety about buying a new car and dealing with insurance and all of that. I was NOT expecting to deal with this AGAIN!

Remember---I am ALREADY freaking out about money!!!

The car crash is a story in itself. I don't want to write it all out because it just makes me angry and sad. It will be a memory for Patric and myself to remember...but not sure if I need to write it out. If you have been one of the lucky ones to hear me tell it, thanks for listening to me and dealing with any of the tears that may have followed.

Anyway---so yes...these are all of the horror stories that have come from this month.

But--

In EVERY HORRIBLE thing that has happened this month...because all of them apart is enough for me to go gray and be admitted to a hospital...I have felt EXTREMELY blessed.

Lets start with the computer -

Having to buy another computer when we didn't have the month sucked. BUT- the lap top that I bought was super cheap. Half of the price of my other one. There was a nice sale going on. It was a pain to have to go get it in Manassas because the store we go to was out of them and I could only get it that day and then the price would go up $150.00 but it was in Manassas and it isn't too far away (I couldn't buy it online either, of course). 2nd...I had to buy Quickbooks this year. Intuit only lets you use all the functions of the software for three years...and I have been using QB 2008 for my clients...and..it was on sale as well...$150.00 off! So--I saved $300 total on two items I was considering buying this year anyway...

The heater breaking --

The first quote we got to fix the motor was $900 or to replace the entire unit was $3000.00. I am sure both Kami and my mom were worried about me that day. I literally was hyperventilating on the phone with my mom and bawling! Then, Trina Fife, BLESS HER HEART, gave me the number to a VERY NICE repair man. I gave him a call, and I asked him if he could give me a quote over the phone because I didn't want him to come out and charge me just to give me a quote. We had already paid $89 to the previous company (oh...and our tenants changed the locks AND put new walls up in our house that we didn't know about...I mean seriously people...my head was spinning this month).

The man said he could fix the motor for HALF of the price of the first company I contacted. He also said he would charge $4,200 to change both the heater and a/c. The first company, if we were to change both, would be $5,600. (It is smarter to change both at the same time if you have old units like ours). He came out because I said I was leaning more towards just changing the unit out at this point (even though we didn't have the money) because the last thing I want is more problems. He said he could come right away and measure things and give me the quote for the machine. When he came, he tried a few things out to see if it was even the motor. Now he originally told me that he would charge if it was a repair, but he gave free quotes for a new installation. He told me he was not going to charge me for coming out, even if I didn't put in a new unit.

We ended up getting a new motor for $450.00 instead of $900.00. I did tell him that when the time comes and we need to change it out, he will be the person to get the job!

Tax Return--

Something didn't sit right with me on our tax return. And so I went to the 1040 instructions of the self employed health insurance line. October of 2009 I decided to remove Josh and I from Patric's insurance at work because it was CRAZY expensive. It is a nice tax break to be on his insurance because it lowers our gross income, but we were going to have to pay over $800 a month!

On the instructions of the 1040, it states that if you are self employed and you are eligible to be on your spouse's subsidized insurance plan then you are not eligible for the deduction. My memory worked for once and I remembered Patric telling me when we were making the decision to remove Josh and I from his plan that the company he works for only pays for some of the employee's portion of the insurance and if you want coverage for your family you pay full price.

So---therefore I am not on a subsidized plan if I am on Patric's insurance...because we would pay the entire cost of the insurance. I decided to just see what other tax professionals thought of what I wanted to do, so I took it to a forum I go to, especially during tax time, for tax professionals. A CPA wrote on my thread that she believed I qualified for the deduction and then another tax professional said I did as well.

I am taking the deduction...and that literally saved me OVER a thousand on my taxes this year. I will be paying only a little over $200 total this year (I will get a refund from VA that I am offsetting towards what I owe to the Feds).

--The car accident

While losing the car that I loved so much for 6.5 years...and dealing with another totaled car, and a police man that charged the wrong person with the accident etc. My husband is still alive. My son has a father still. The biggest thing that made me cry when dealing with all of this was the thought that Josh wouldn't have his father anymore. I know what it is like to lose a father at a young age. If we lost Patric, I would be SO incredibly sad and MAD. It would fulfill all the fears I had when I married him. Being alone...Josh losing someone so young. I don't wish losing a parent at a young age on anyone.

Also--we are going to get a decent amount for the Matrix and we already bought another car. We bought the car for $5000 and we will get about $8000 for the car...so we will be able to pay for the other items that came up this month with that money and then replenish our savings as well a bit.

Oh--and in the midst of all this, I got extra work that I didn't anticipate...so we were able to pay our bills.

I have to constantly remind myself of how much I am blessed. This was a VERY hard month for me. I have cried a lot. I literally had a head ache for a week. That has been replaced with eye twitching. Heavenly Father must REALLY think that Patric and I can handle a lot because he throws A LOT of stuff at us that most people will never have to deal with in their lives. It does unite us closer to each other, which is probably the greatest gift of all. I love my husband so much and do not want to EVER lose him.

So--to those who wondered where I have been...this is what I have been up to this month!

Catching Up!

2011-01-16T19:24:00.000-08:00

Wow--so I dropped off the face of this blog! To say life got busy is an understatement. Patric's birthday, Christmas, New Years all have come and gone. Now it is January 16! I have had a rough couple of weeks into 2011. My computer got a virus that destroyed it basically...and since it is tax season I was freaking out. Got that taken care of, and had to jump right into work...which I have been grateful to have because I have been freaking out about our finances. People have come out of the blue needing additional work and so I feel very blessed in that regard...but I have had a lot of long nights because of my computer problems and lots of work.

We have a lot of ideas for the future of my company---we really want to market my company now. I have been holding back a lot because I wanted to be available for Josh, but he is almost four and I need to stop holding back. There are many opportunities out there, and I need to stop resisting them.

So--lets look at pictures!

These two cuties waiting for Santa to arrive to throw candy to them!
His excitement is so fun! I love him so much!

I love this shot that I got. The man of the hour himself--Santa!

Our stockings!
For the last couple of years, we have been buying pjs for Josh for Christmas Eve. He was a little excited about these.
Still hugging his new pajamas.
I am usually the one taking the pictures, but Patric managed to take a few of me and Josh. My camera still has problems, so this is about as good as its gonna get.

Patric bought Josh a Woody and Buzz ornament for his little tree he had in his room. He LOVES all the Toy Story movies and characters.
Of course I had to take a picture of the tree after Santa made his visit.

This winter has been pretty lame...definitely compared to last year. We have had maybe 4 inches total of snow this year. It kind of sucks.

There probably won't be much for me to write about for the new few months as I will hopefully be working to building my bookkeeping and tax business. Josh will turn four in just two months. That kinda breaks my heart. My little boy is growing up way too fast! I wish I could just freeze time, before I know it, he is going to be graduating from high school and going off to college!

First Snow!

2010-12-16T14:14:00.000-08:00

Today it snowed somewhere between 2 and 3 inches. While this is nothing compared to what we got around this time last year with the 20+ inches, but we enjoyed it none the less.

I took some videos of Josh because I didn't feel like getting my camera out so I used my cell phone.

We went over to my mom's house to decorate sugar cookies and then to Target to pick up some last minute Christmas items and then Josh took a nap. When he woke up he was ready to sled. Now I am officially ready for Christmas.

A Car Crash Story-Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-12-03T15:02:00.001-08:00

Before Patric went to work on Wednesday, November 24 he was telling me about a coworker of his that got into a car crash that totaled her car. I spoke about how much that sucked...but apparently I forgot to knock on wood.

I missed a call from Patric at 930 that morning. Patric doesn't leave work until about 930 every morning (even though he is supposed to be at work at 930...) but he must have left around 920 that day. I wondered why he had called me and thought, "well maybe he just wanted to tell me he loved me" (cause, yes people, sometimes he calls right after he leaves to tell me he loves me). Unfortunately, that was NOT the case this morning. I actually had plans to hang out with my friend Valerie that morning, so I had a reason to get up and shower since I said I could be at her house between 10 and 1030. I called Patric back and he told me that he was in a car accident but that he couldn't talk because the police had just arrived.

I can tell you I didn't worry about him. Obviously, if he could call me, and he sounded ok, that he was ok. He called me after the police left and told me that was rear ended on Minnieville. He was stopped waiting to turn left (or make a u-turn) and the other driver came speeding up to him and looked down to get her coffee (at least that is her story...) and slammed right into Patric going about 45 mph. Thank the heavens above Patric looked in his rear view mirror and saw that she was not slowing down and decided to try to avoid her. He wasn't successful, but it could have been MUCH worse. She did hit him on the right back side of the car.

Patric came home because the car was making some noise, the muffler was hanging off etc. He had to take my car to work. Can you imagine going to work after that? My husband is so dedicated! I hope his boss understands that!

So, of course, this being the day before Thanksgiving, we didn't have much time to process everything. Poor Patric doesn't complain much of pain, and he said that his back and neck was hurting quite a bit. It wasn't until Saturday that I thought, oh crap, the car could be totaled! It was a 2002 Hyundai Elantra...with 106k miles on it. Not a very valuable car to many, but it was to us because it was paid off and had been paid off for 2.5 years! We were starting to have weird issues with it, like it not starting for some reason every now and then. We were researching what to do with that and he had three belts that needed to be replaced. THANK GOODNESS WE DIDN'T DO IT!

Sunday, a person from the insurance came to see the car and as we suspected, the car was totaled. We had to immediately start thinking about what we were going to do about a car. Would we buy a smaller car again for Patric to commute to and from work? Would we buy a bigger car for our family to grow into? Let me tell you, for me, this was the hardest decision to make in a long time! I was constantly thinking about cars and researching. I had never thought about buying a big car at this point in my life...since I only have one kid. During the olympics, we saw ads for the Kia Sorento (of course they had Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba so Josh loved to watch those commercials) and thought that it could be a possibility. So after poor Patric had a long day of work on Monday, in which he said he felt weird all day and foggy, we went over to the Kia dealership to try it out. The Kia has a lot of cool features. I knew I didn't want to get a 5 seater car. To me, what is the point of getting a bigger one if it is only 5 seats? The Matrix has 5 seats...we could just get another one of those. We would have to get the top of the line Sorento to get the 7 seater.

Tuesday--I went to drive a 2008 Honda Pilot after I did some work. I brought my stepdad Charlie with me. I liked driving the Pilot. Josh just happened to leave his toy horse at the dealership so I had to go back anyway and Patric went with me and test drove it that night.

We weren't rushing into a purchase, so we walked away. Next night, we went to a Miller Toyota and test drove a Highlander. I did like how the Highlander drove, but felt it was kind of small. (Why do I need a big car? The highlander would be VERY suitable for the size of my family right now!)

We walked away from there as well. By Wednesday night I am exhausted from thinking about cars. I spent most of three days researching these cars. Read a MILLION reviews. Surveyed facebook...the works! Then I turned it back on Patric. I said, what if we just go with a small car?? I made Patric make the ultimate decision (which I have been doing a lot lately, I am tired of making all of the decisions and am putting my trust into my husband)...because somewhere in my head I knew we should get the big car...but I didn't want to be the only one thinking that. Patric spent Wednesday night researching small cars (or at least prices.) We know what type of car we would get..so he wanted to see prices.

Thursday night, I woke up and asked him what he thought. Patric said he felt we should go with the 2008 Honda Pilot. I won't go into the details of why he came to this decision, but we were both on the same page, so we did it! I do have to say, I was quite the haggler on this one. I made Patric deal with most of the negotiating...but I was the final STING to the dealership. My mom heard some of my negotiating and was all thumbs up. She even told me she was proud of me! She said the dealership might think that because I am pretty and blond (and then she corrected herself...since I do NOT have blond hair right now...but in her mind I will always have blond hair) that I wouldn't be able to handle myself. I do have to say that the only reason I suddenly got a backbone in this is that the salesman I test drove the car with the second time (not our original sales person) told me that there was probably still room to come down on the price. Little did the manager there know that. He thought everything was set and I was just making the final decision on the car and then we were going to start the paperwork. HA! The second salesman also got me new mats (the other ones were NASTY)...he saw them and was like, ew gross, we will get you some new ones. He also updated the safety inspection, shined up the car and tires, filled up more of the tank, contacted the previous owner of the car for the headrests because they were missing. Seriously, this guy is AWESOME.

We had an overall good experience at Hendrick Honda. I had to be pretty mean to the finance manager initially, so when we went in to sign papers I joked around with him a lot. I said, you got to see my brutal side, now you can see that I can actually be nice. He gave us a few breaks when we finally got it all going and we are happy with our decision.

This morning when I was thinking about the car, it sunk in. I was no longer going to have my baby every day to drive. I have been driving my Toyota Matrix since July of 2004. I NEVER wanted to get rid of the car, and while it isn't gone...Patric gets to take it to work now everyday. I know I should be ecstatic about driving the Pilot, but it is a bit intimidating. I will get used to it (as everyone keeps telling me) and all will be well. The car payment is going to suck. It was nice not to have one for awhile....but alas, we tend to get hit back into debt one way or another. We are just blessed that we are able to pay for the things that come our way...one way or the other.

Here are some pictures -

This picture shows you that the frame of the car was bent...there shouldn't be a space between the black part and the metal.

And the new car, equipped with our Christmas tree we bought tonight.

So there it is...the story of Patric's car accident and our ventures of buying our new(well new to us) car!

My pics!

2010-11-30T15:34:00.000-08:00

It is no surprise that trying for a baby is tough on a marriage. After going through almost two years of wanting/trying for a baby...Patric and I had hit a brick wall. We weren't talking, and if we were, we were yelling. In an effort to rekindle the flame between us, I asked a photographer I knew if she could take pictures of our family (I posed it as family pics for Patric...but I had ulterior motives). I asked Channon from Urban Chic Portraits (www.urbanchicportraits.com) if she could make people look like they were in love in pictures. She laughed at my comment, but I was serious. Patric and I had never had any romantic pictures taken of us (except for our wedding day). I wasn't one of those girls that would take a million pictures with her boyfriends when we are dating...quite frankly because I didn't want the evidence when I inevitably broke up with them....so there are not many pictures of Patric and I together before we were married...and after we were married we didn't think to take them either.

I warn you...these pictures are flaming hot! I won't be putting them around our house...but it will be a nice surprise for Patric for Christmas. (Hopefully he won't read this before then...he isn't very good at reading our(my) blog anyway!) We obviously have family shots as well, but even inthose Patric couldn't resist me! haha. The weekend we got pictures taken was the beginning of an upward movement in the right direction for our marriage. I must say, these last 2 months have been the best we have had in a LONG time...maybe even the best EVER!

So without further delay--our steaming hot photos!

I absolutely LOVE this one!

So thanks to Channon and thanks to my hot husband for agreeing to get "family" shots done!

Pictures of new bed!

2010-11-24T06:14:00.001-08:00

I took pictures of the new bed, and then I forgot to post them! It has been a week now since we have had the bed. Every morning I actually want to stay in bed instead of wanting to get out. I sleep so well! I want to work in bed, watch tv in bed, just stay in bed all day long!

Here are some pictures!

Josh was pretty excited about the bed as well.
He was really cute that day with his toys. That is Woody driving a police paddywagon. I love that his imagination is working! It really makes me happy when he plays with his toys. Its the little things!

Patric didn't really want me to post pictures of our bedroom, since it is not complete, but I wanted to show the bed! You can see behind it the wall where our mirror used to be. My side of the bed has all the books and journals and Patric has clothes. Looks can be deceiving, because I don't really read THAT much...though I have read most of the books on my table. We have many plans for our bedroom, but they are on hold until we can move out my desk and scrapbooking stuff back into my office.

Christmas came early!

2010-11-13T18:57:00.000-08:00

So--

Patric and I have been sleeping TERRIBLY for a very long time. When I wake up in the morning and my back still hurts from the day before, it is a bit discouraging. I am only 27 but I feel like my body is already starting to fail me! Patric and I went to four different stores today and decided on Mattress Discounters for our mattress. It will be delivered on Tuesday. I am very excited, though a little anxiety ridden. We do have 24 month interest free financing, but I wanted to wait until February to get the bed (after we had paid off our credit card)...but then I was like, February is SO long away...and so many painful mornings before then.

We bought a king sized bed, so we had to also buy a king sized bed frame. We have been eyeing an entire bedroom at Ikea for a very long time. I already bought the same paint color they have listed on the wall. So we have bought our first piece of our bedroom set tonight. Ikea in Woodbridge didn't have the entire frame, of course, so we drove up to College Park, Md to get the frame. It was very scary driving home with the head board on the top of the matrix, but we got home safely, thank the Lord.

Patric and I have never bought our own bed and we are using mismatched furniture as well for our bedroom, but perhaps this is just another change that we need to make for our relationship. We won't be able to buy all the pieces at once, but we are definitely working on our bedroom next in our house. We have lived here 2.5 years and have not done anything to our bedroom. We have also been married 6.5 years and have never bought a bed or matching furniture. We did buy a frame and two side tables but I am using a dresser that my mom used in her children's nursery ( I think it was even David's nursery) so it is like 43 years old! I like the dresser and it will go into Josh's room when we buy a new dresser, but it is time for Patric and I to have our dream bedroom.

So much for being debt free! At least this debt is interest free!

Oh--I forgot to mention, while I was vacuuming on Friday my vacuum started shaking and smelling really bad. I suspect it is a belt problem, but I am just sick of the thing anyway...so we headed to Home Depot with our 12 month interest free coupon and bought a dyson dc-33. I am so excited to use it tomorrow! It will NOT take 12 months to pay off the home depot card, I just like the option of interest free, pay off as long as you want!

Business

2010-11-09T04:30:00.000-08:00

So for the past two months, I have not had A LOT of work...but luckily Kami and Brad's rent has been a blessing to have because of this. I guess my thoughts to let them move in were not without merit. When people say how great Patric and I are for letting someone live with us, I remind them that we are not so great because they are paying rent, and how much of a blessing it is to us that they are. We are the ones that are lucky!

But, I think my days of less work are coming to a close. When Scott left Marcher Consultants, my work load diminished a lot. I wonder if it is because they knew I was so closely tied with Scott there? Or that I have refused to travel all the time because my goal is to be with Josh. Maybe my convictions have actually paid off!

I saw an ad on craigslist for a tax prep company looking for seasonal tax preparers. I have always felt that I needed a mentor or at least more experience in this aspect of the business. I have bookkeeping and analysis down, but actual taxes is my weak point. Sure, I can pass a test and get the license process, but I do not have the number of tax returns walking through my door that maybe I should? I haven't really pushed that aspect of my business, I guess because there is more liability involved. I did get a few new tax clients this year from my advertisement in the Montclairion, using craigslist and somehow on the internet. But then I got busy with doing consulting work in Arlington and didn't focus too much on the tax side of my business.

Long story short - I will be doing consulting work with this tax prep company. They will also give me more experience when it comes to representation work, which is another aspect of my license that I haven't used too much. I am proud to say that I got the state of VA off of my client's back, about his sales tax returns for the last 5 years. Also--the owners of the tax prep company are EA's, so they appreciate my license, where CPAs think they are gods or something and maybe laugh at an EA license? Remember, EAs are ALWAYS tax "experts", CPAs do not always do taxes...but they have the exposure...there are only 48,000 EAs in the US.

Even better, the owners of the tax prep company own preschools and daycare centers! And I can put Josh into their preschool while I am working in their office....for FREE! I will only put him in during the preschool hours in the morning, but it will be great for him to be around other kids he doesn't know and I am sure he will have so much fun! What a blessing right?

And then...I am on my way to Liese's sealing and I get an email for Tony, the company I did consulting work for in Arlington. His wife just happens to have a company that has bookkeeping needs and he thought of me because I am just so fabulous. We are working on that still, but I think that will be another client for me.

Plus-I have a new client I am working with that Scott has given me. He is out of Herndon, and I am still a bit shaky on how this one will turn out, but he is a new company and if we can talk some sense into him early on, I think he could be successful! He has some personal financial issues to work out, but he seems to have some big contracts professionally.

And Patric and I are doing great. The weather is changing...the house is cooler again...but we have plenty of firewood thanks to Butch, so we can make lots of fires. That was a day for Patric...on his way home the tire popped off of Charlie's trailer and Brad had to come rescue him. Needless to say, Patric was gone from 9:00am - 8:30pm...and we wanted to spend some time together that day...HA! Our time is always limited together...this weekend is littered with meetings...BLAH! One day we will be able to go on a date again....thank goodness for that weekend!

So life is pretty good right now. I can't complain. We are 2 months away from eliminating our credit card debt as well. I can't WAIT!

Halloween!

2010-11-04T14:39:00.001-07:00

So I have definitely moved on to thoughts of Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I would be remiss if I did not post pictures of Halloween. We took Josh around the neighborhood with our friends the Terry's and the Near's. Josh, Ella and Brendan had a TON of fun!

Here are some pictures--
Everett, Ella, Josh and Brendan

Probably the only picture of Josh smiling of the night.
Best buddies!
Future married couple...if they can survive living together now, they should have NO problem in about 20 years...
Looks like Ella and Josh are more enthusiastic then Brendan...looks can be deceiving! Brendan was a CHAMP at succoring people into giving him more candy!
Patric decided to dress up this year as well. He tried to get me to, but {un}luckily for me the fan wasn't working. DARN!
They ran up to each house this way, and knocked or rang the doorbell, about a million times. I am sure our neighbors love us!
Poor Sis. Russell's worst nightmares came true when two of her nursery kids showed up at her door!
Carrying on the tradition I had when I was a kid, I pulled out all of Josh's candy and sorted it..and promptly put the good stuff in a bag he isn't allowed to eat. He got a full sized 3 Muskateer!!

So that was our Halloween adventure. I am definitely ready for Thanksgiving and Christmas now!!

Pumpkin Carving!

2010-11-01T05:56:00.000-07:00

This year I bought two pumpkins. Usually, I like to keep the pumpkins through Thanksgiving because they are nice decorations to have all Fall...I REALLY like to spread out that $4.00 I spent on a pumpkin...but this year, Patric and I decided that Josh might appreciate carving pumpkins. I went out and bought one of those pumpkin carving sets that comes with a bunch of patterns. Josh picked out the haunted house and I picked out the owl. Poor Patric didn't get to make a choice, and he got to do most of the work.

First Patric opened up the pumpkins. (Side story--While Patric was on his mission, the first time he encountered a pumpkin, his companion opened the pumpkin and had Patric put his hand inside of it with his eyes closed. He passed that onto Josh.) And then Josh and him scooped out all the pumpkin guts. I had to man the camera...of course...

Josh got pretty bored with it while we were carving them out...and now I remember why I don't really like carving pumpkins! My arms were tired! He did like to play with the guts a bit.

(Side note--my camera has been acting funny lately...the camera won't take pictures in auto focus mode and sometimes in manual focus it doesn't take pictures in focus...ugh! But I was playing with other functions and found a black and white function!)

He is zoned out.

Im sure I stopped his fun...hence the scowl.
Not the greatest picture of my owl, but Patric's house turned out pretty good!

So there is the fun of pumpkin carving for 2010.

Our Weekend Get - A - Way!

2010-10-24T17:21:00.000-07:00

So we are back from our vacation, sad to say! We had a REALLY good time. The cabin was small but had all of our needs...a jacuzzi in the living room next to the fireplace...what more do you need? Patric and I are thinking of installing a jacuzzi in our family room...don't mind us in the corner bathing when you come over...

On Friday we arrived around 6:30, so we got our keys and Patric and I went into the cabin. Patric bought the romantic package, so there was music playing and the coffee table was decorated with rose petals and rocks. There was a bouquet of flowers, chocolates and sparkling apple cider. I am usually not a fan of apple cider, but it was delicious! We had some spaghetti and meatballs for dinner...thanks to my mom, and relaxed for the rest of the evening in the jacuzzi and talked about stuff we never talked about. It was nice!

Saturday morning we woke up and decided we wanted to explore a little bit. I knew I wanted to do some type of hiking, so we went to this place called Crabtree Falls. It was a two mile hike up to the top of the falls so we did it. It was nice to be in the wilderness and enjoy nature. When we got to the top of the falls it was BEAUTIFUL! There were also about a million lady bugs flying around. I have NEVER been around so many ladybugs. After we got our fill of the mountains we hiked back down and decided we should go out to lunch instead of dinner because it was already 2. The first place we wanted to go wasn't open so we went to another place. The food was ok but it was pricey. There was a line to get into the bathroom and Patric was like, "isn't that the guy from your tv show?" I looked and was like, "hey it's Mouth! (or Marvin) from One Tree Hill!". I didn't want to bother him though, so I didn't say anything to him. After we ate, we went back to the cabin to relax. I read my book "The Hunger Games" and Patric played on his phone. He decided to collect some firewood as well, and that night we filled up the jacuzzi again, I started the fire and we watched a movie.

Sunday morning, we decided we wanted to go to Monticello in Charlottesville, on our way home from Royal Oaks. I LOVE Monticello. I want a garden like Thomas Jefferson had! He had SO many different vegetables! Patric promised me that once he gets the water problem fixed in the house that I can start my vegetable garden. I am going to have to read up a bit on what I want to grow and how to do it!

It was such a nice trip. I am sad that it is over. The cabin had problems with those stupid stinkbugs! We probably killed like 100 of them while we were there...but it was perfect other than that!

Josh was also AWESOME for my mom, which I am very grateful for. He even napped for like three hours for her! Why doesn't he nap that long for me? We may plan a disney cruise sometime in the future to take with my mom and charlie.

Here are some pictures!
We got to enjoy the falls with some of the Amish. They didn't make it all the way to the top of the hike though.
Someone was kind enough to take our picture at the first falls before the hike.
These pictures do not give the beauty of the place justice!
One of my favorite parts.
Where's Sasha? I don't generally want to climb out somewhere to get a picture taken...so I MUST have been relaxed this weekend.
Found another couple along the hike that was willing to take our picture.
The view from the top. I know that they are not as impressive as the mountains in the west, but I think they are BEAUTIFUL!
People were so friendly and volunteering to take pictures of us!
Seriously!
My awesome fire roaring, the jacuzzi filling up...and a movie ready to watch! I wish I could do this every night!
Patric took about a hundred pictures of me at this window. This building was in the gardens. I told Patric I want a building like this in my garden to just enjoy my flowers and plants...of course, I need A LOT more land to actually need a building like this.
People are friendly in Charlottesville too because someone volunteered to take a picture of us. This is probably my favorite of the weekend. I actually adjusted the camera before she took the shot, so I knew how zoomed in it would be.
A small portion on Thomas Jefferson's garden. He had 1000 yards of just garden!
Another part of his garden...which overlooks the city below.
The Monticello. We didn't get to see the upstairs, but I LOVED the architecture that Thomas Jefferson designed. It is actually a three story house, but the style back when he built is was just one story, so he made it look one story from the outside. He didn't like to waste time or space...sounds like me! Thomas Jefferson was an incredible man and I am happy I got to see his house with my incredible man.

So that's that!

Thinking about you!

2010-10-21T13:18:00.000-07:00

Thank you for being my wife...you are wonderful. I love you....you are the best...looking forward to our trip.

miss you

This was an email I got from my husband today. Perhaps he is finally catching on after 6.5 years of marriage!

I REALLY can't wait for our trip! Just need to pack a few things and get out of town. We leave around 3pm tomorrow and will hopefully get to the cabins around 5:30. We don't really have much planned...maybe a hike..mostly we are just going to enjoy each other. Will we even know how to do that anymore?

P is for Pumpkin!

2010-10-17T08:52:00.001-07:00

So I have scrapbooked yet again! I am on a roll! I guess I finally have some time (which could be a bad thing) to do this type of thing! I have wanted to scrapbook so many pictures of Josh, and these are from when he was 19 months old! The kid is 3.5 now....tells you how busy I have been these past two years!

Anyway--I took another lay out from www.thescrappiest.blogspot.com because why would I even use my brain to think about a lay out?? It is SO nice to have Liz's website because I don't waste hours just thinking how to put everything on my page. I am getting faster at scrapbooking because of this, so thanks Liz for your blog! I hope you get many more followers because you are one talented lady!

Here is the page I did! We took Josh to Belvedere Plantation that year to pick out his pumpkin. I did use a picture from a different day in the middle, but I loved all the pumpkins behind him, even if he wouldn't smile for the camera (the little punk). That day I took him up to a nursery in Fairfax and the kids played around with their pumpkin display for free.
I also did a new hairstyle today that I am pretty proud of! I don't play around too much with my hair, but today I was feeling like I wanted to do a new style. I have to sing in church today and so I wanted to look nice. I am singing in a quartet and we are singing "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing." Hopefully we don't choke and it sounds good!

Here is my hair!
Well I better go eat some lunch and get going to church!

Another scrapbook page!

2010-10-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

So I guess I have had the creative itch lately, because I have created ANOTHER scrapbook page. My good friend Liz has a blog, www.thescrappiest.blogspot.com that has all sorts of great lay outs to use. I find the hardest part of getting myself into doing a page is the lay out...now that I know my friend has this blog I can just use her lay outs and pick out what I want to do!

I have been doing an alphabet book, if you haven't noticed from other blog posts and today I wanted to do H. I took a bunch of pictures of Josh with a hard hat on when he was a little over 20 months. Patric came home from work with it, for some reason, and Josh LOVED putting it on...in fact he STILL loves putting it on.

If you go to Liz's blog you will see that the lay out I copied is her "Ladies with an attitude" lay out. She has a lot more cool stuff and ideas to work with, and really cute girls, but I think I did alright!

Here are some pictures!

I am no photographer, so sorry for the poor quality of pictures.
I was playing with the lighting and then the editing a bit with this one.

I can't resist posting these pictures either. Josh is becoming friends with some of his team mates. He is chatting it up with Ashley and Taelen.

GGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLL!!
Josh scored four goals this game I believe.

Just one more week until Patric and I go away by ourselves. I CAN'T WAIT! The leaves will be beautiful and the setting is just right for us.

A new song!

2010-10-11T06:00:00.001-07:00

I love music...I can't go a day without listening to it. I asked Patric to make me a cd of music 3 years ago and he never did it. He redeemed himself this weekend by declaring that he and I had a new song. We were listening to some Michael Buble (Josh is obsessed with him...) and "Hold On" came on. I thought it was a break up song and said we can't use that for our song...so I googled the lyrics and cried. It is an absolutely perfect song for Patric and I!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDtye9jTG3o

We are definitely looking up!

Relief!

2010-10-09T21:09:00.000-07:00

I am sure that last post, if you read it, made you wonder how I am doing. I am not going to lie and say that I did not shed a tear in the last few days...because I have. I knew I wasn't pregnant the night before my period started, and I also knew that we weren't going to "try" anymore after this cycle...so I cried a little that night. And then I cried a lot the next day at my mother's when I needed to escape my house because my period started. And then I cried a lot the next day after that when I went back over to my mother's house for more comfort.

But tonight, I feel GREAT!

I feel like a weight is lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like Patric and I are finally going back to the relationship we once had. Just knowing that later on this month, when I will know I am ovulating (because I KNOW after almost two years of tracking) that I don't have to stress out about it feels great. Patric and I have been talking about going away for a weekend without Josh since about July of this year...and we are finally making that happen! My mom is willing to take Josh for the weekend in a couple of weeks so Patric and I can go to a cabin in Love, Va (I am not even kidding you) that is nestled right on the Blue Ridge Parkway in the mountains.

I am also back on track with working out...something I have been neglecting for a year now...wouldn't want to hurt any baby that may be developing right? WRONG! What a waste of a year and a waste for my waistline! Now I have to get back in shape and I am a year older...blech!

Do I think that I will never have another kid? Absolutely not. I am just choosing to not actively try anymore. I am choosing to have a better relationship with my husband. I am choosing to love my son more than anything in this world and know that I am blessed to have him. I am choosing to get healthy physically and emotionally.

Today-we had a photo session and it was fun! It was the first time we ever spent money on a photographer. When I approached her a couple of weeks ago I asked her if she can make people look like they were in love. I could pull the facebook email if you don't believe me. At that point, I felt so disconnected from Patric that I would do ANYTHING to feel connected again...even if it meant looking at pictures that would show that we were in love. Today I can say with certainty that we are in love and that the pictures are not going to show anything phony...thank goodness!

I wanted to see if I could find a divorce rate online for couples dealing with infertility problems, but I didn't find one. I did, however, find this article, and for the most part it is true for Patric and I. http://www.slate.com/id/2250361/ I am just so happy to move on from this part of my life....it hasn't been easy, but I made a promise to myself and Heavenly Father that if I was not pregnant this month that I was no longer going to be the "willing" person I have been the last two years. Will I use contraception? No! Never really have! haha...why start now?

I also worked on a little project for Patric this evening. I have had the scrapbooking itch for awhile and haven't sat down to do it. For me, it is such an ordeal to pick out the paper and decide how to lay it all out...and my patience is pretty short. I wanted to do something nice for Patric to show him my appreciation. I have been working on an alphabet book...but I took a break for Patric.

Here is the page.
So that is where I am at today.

~Sasha

Taking a break

2010-10-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

It has been too long and too hard on our marriage, so Patric and I have decided not to try anymore for baby #2. We don't understand why we are not being blessed with another child and we can't handle the constant disappointment anymore. If you are reading this, just understand that we are not really open to talk about it anymore, it is an issue that will be put behind us...we are happy with our beautiful son and ready to fully heal from the hell that we have gone through these past two years.

Thanks for understanding and hopefully great things are in store for us in other departments of our lives soon!

Sasha

Proud Mama!

2010-09-25T18:05:00.000-07:00

Josh had his third soccer game this morning. He was outside playing with Kami and Ella, waiting for his turn to swing when I called him inside to get ready for his soccer game. He was less than thrilled about going to the game and so I thought that he was going to have a bad game.

My kid scored five goals!! (He did score one in the wrong goal, but that would make six goals then). He was AWESOME today! Best soccer playing he has done so far this season. He would go for the ball, and sometimes push and even scream at the other team, but he did it! Just this week I was thinking that maybe I put him in to soccer too early and should wait a year or two before putting him into anything else, but I am happy he had the experience today. He was SO happy when he made a goal and would run and give Patric a big hug with a huge grin.

He made me a proud mama today and was compensated with some ice cream!

I didn't bring my camera to the game, so you are going to have to accept this recent picture I took on my cell phone as an updated shot of us.

Dining Room Make Over!

2010-09-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

WOOHOO! It is DONE! Patric picked an interesting time to start redoing the dining room...the weekend before Kami and Brad(and Ella and Everett) moved into our home for a couple of months. But...it only took a month to get everything done. I am so very proud of this dining room make over...probably because it was something I envisioned before doing it and then it came out exactly how I wanted it! This is also the first room that we have finished EVERYTHING in...no trim still left to paint, no curtains to buy, nothing. We even changed the PLUGS! We were going to buy new faceplates for the plugs, but they were like $6 per faceplate, and I didn't even like the ones I found at the store. I bought white spray paint and we went that route instead, and it turned out perfectly.

List of things we did to the room:

1. Scrape the ceiling and spackled to smooth it out (we had a popcorn ceiling in there.)
2. Paint the burnt red/orange color on the walls.
3. Cut and hang the beadboard and chair rail.
4. Install new plugs and spraypaint faceplates.
5. Paint the bead board, trim, crown molding (luckily there was already crown molding and basedboards that we liked in the room).
6. Put up new chandelier...this proved to be the most annoying part of the renovation.
7. Iron and Hem the curtains
8. CLEAN!
9. Move furniture back into dining room.

There is always LOTS of dust after our projects because we are changing all of the ceilings in this house...but it is so worth it!

So here are the pictures!!

This is the before picture--we tore down the wall paper about a year ago, but I wasn't sure what to do with the room so we just left it with white walls. This was taken when we were moving in.
The first coat of red paint!
Everyone in the family worked on the room...that included 3.5 year old Josh!
Beadboard going up!
After pics...before the furniture. After I hemmed the curtains...gotta love IKEA for iron on hemming...I don't sew.

Just a wall...
I love that I can put my Fall decorations out now and it fit so nicely with the room!
Another view of the room.
I know that my style is now more country than anything else. I like a bit of contemporary, but I find that I like the country style because it feels warm and cozy, and that is what home is supposed to feel like to me!

First Soccer Game!

2010-09-16T12:14:00.000-07:00

Patric and I decided to put Josh in soccer this Fall. We have never put him in anything around other kids and an adult to teach him, so we thought this could be fun. We asked him for about a month before we signed him up and he kept saying that he wanted to play.

He had his first game this past Saturday. While he didn't make a goal, and half the time just stood there...I would say he was pretty good! He did try to make a goal once but there were two of the other team's kids just standing in the goal so he didn't make it. He has a girl on his team that LOVED making goals and she was REALLY cute after each one she made. We destroyed the other team though, and Josh had fun!

Also--Kami and Brad have moved in with us for a couple of months. Josh gets a live in friend...how cool is that? This week we pulled out the slip n slide and let them play. Josh also LOVES Everett, Kami and Brad's six month old son. I can tell that he is going to be an awesome older brother some day.

Here are some pictures to update!

Here is where he was ROBBED of his goal...there are no goalies at this age...let alone TWO! RED CARD RED CARD REF!

Since Summer has decided to stick around and the pool is closed...slip n slide time!
Other than that, there really isn't much going on in our lives. We are making over our dining room, but I will post before and after pictures when it is done. I got another job offer but I didn't take it...that makes three possible opportunities this year...and while it is a blessing, it is also a test to me. I made the decision to stay home with Josh and I feel like I am tested over and over again with $$$. While the money would be GREAT, staying home with Josh WHILE working is best for our family, and I feel so blessed that this is something I am able to do.

I had two lessons on Sunday at church just hit me in the face and knock me back down to size. First, was the lesson about Job. Now, I am no scriptorian, so I knew not the story of Job. He had a GREAT life...and then EVERYTHING literally was taken away from him...and he still stayed faithful to Heavenly Father. After his trial period was over, and boy was it a TRIAL, he was blessed more than he was before the trial began. I can only hope that my pathetic trial will be over soon and I will be bless moreso than ever for not giving up on my faith.

Then...I go to YW and we have a lesson about how important life is and also sort of about staying home with our kids. How society makes it glamorous for women to be executives of big companies and leave their kids, and how unglamorous changing diapers are etc...and it hit me. Josh is only two years away from going to school and then that's it! I don't get that time with him anymore...so I made the right decision to be with him and will continue to make this decision. I do have to work, but I will not take a permanent part time or full time gig until he is in school...and even then, I only hope that I will have one or two others at home by then.

Normal

2010-09-09T13:17:00.001-07:00

I got my test results back for my blood draws--everything looked normal...just as I suspected.

My FSH level was 6.0 Anything below 9 is normal
My LH level was 4.7 Anything between 3 and 10 is normal
Prolactin was 7.18 Anything between .47 and 27 is normal
TSH was 1.030 Anything between .320 - 5.5 is normal

My white blood cell count and CBC work was also all within normal limits.

I just suspect it isn't time for us to have another kid...because I am almost positive if I got Patric's sperm analysis done it would also come back fine.

Just need to keep the hope up and move forward.

A year!

2010-09-06T05:54:00.000-07:00

**Since I decided this would be my everything blog...you get to hear the moanings of ttc.**

It has officially been a YEAR since Patric and I decided to try again for a baby. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that it would take this long! How could it take this long? We got pregnant SO freakin easily in the beginning of 2009.

A couple of things I have learned this year about my cycles -

If I spot mid month, I will almost surely have a longer cycle (like 39 days).
Evening primrose oil helped regulate my cycles to not have 39 days.
HSG tests do NOT increase your chances of getting pregnant.
With the exception of the last three cycles (the ones I have used EPO on) I had a pattern of short, long, short, long cycles.
Taking your temperature every day for almost a year SUCKS. And if your temp doesn't drop, it doesn't mean you are pregnant!

I have also learned that I am not alone in this journey. While most of my friends have been pregnant in the last two years (it is the age group to have children) there are two friends of mine that are struggling like me....so I can find solace in knowing I am not the only one. I would love it if ALL of use got pregnant at the same time(so we don't hurt the other person's feelings by getting pregnant).

I have never been afraid to talk about my journey with this. I do feel I am supposed to go through this crap. I know I will have at least one more child. The waiting game SUCKS! But, I didn't even get upset this time. I was actually somewhat excited because I was wrong about when I thought I ovulated, so I had a short cycle than I thought...and I had already contacted my doctor around cycle day 13 when I was spotting to ask her about it and she ordered labs to be done on cycle day 3. I will go to the lab tomorrow to get blood drawn to check my FSH, TSH and prolactin. Hopefully it will give me answers.

In other news--

I am 95% sure I am going to take on more work with the consulting firm that feeds me work from time to time. Last Tuesday I got a call from Bill asking me if I wanted to do full time. Anxiety sets in and I know full time is not right. He told me 24 of my hours would be in Chantilly at a bank (not even really my line of work if you ask me), but the hourly rate they want to give me is more than Patric makes a year( at 24 hours a week...). I will keep my Tuesday work with my own clients and obviously tax work and quarterly work. I also got a call from Scott, that also USED to work at the consulting firm. Now it all makes sense that they want me to work full time. He started his own consulting firm and was hoping that when he calls me I will be available to help him out. I am SO thankful for finding this consulting firm last year.

Yesterday it occurred to me that I am going to make more money, probably, just to pay for fertility stuff...but if that is why I am being blessed with the extra money, it will be money well spent. I am confident that I will be pregnant soon. It will not take another year. We are 5 months away from paying off our credit card too. I have been REALLY proactive in paying it off because I am tired of credit card companies. With this extra money, I may pay it off sooner...that will be a MUCH less bill to pay each month, and I can put that money into savings. I want to have enough savings that we can relax a little after having another child. I was able to put enough away when I got pregnant with Josh that I didn't have to work for four months before I started freaking out about money and started my business. I want the next baby to benefit from my undivided attention as well (though I will still work with my own clients, I will not do much with consulting I do not believe).

We never know what a year from now will bring us. Maybe Patric will make the jump and we will work with this consulting thing together. Maybe market more of SJP Accounting as well...who knows? The future seems bright though in all aspects and I am just going to keep the hope up and not dwell on the bad (at least for today!). Ask me tomorrow and I may feel a different way!

Slippity Slide

2010-08-27T18:15:00.000-07:00

I bought a slip n slide for Josh at Kohl's a couple of weeks ago(hello end of summer sale!) and have been so excited to use it. We finally set it up on Saturday(cause I was too lazy to go to the pool...) and we had about 10 minutes of pure bliss...and took the pictures to show it! You will have to excuse my clothes, I wasn't planning on going down the slide. I was doing yard work and cleaning...but I just couldn't resist the arches of water shooting out of the slide!
Don't you just see the bliss in his eyes! (Don't mind the crap back yard...one day we will have grass and not weeds!)
The refreshing pool that you slide into...just heaven!
How this man got to the bottom without a drop of water on his head is beyond me!
Rolling around in the refreshing pool.
Extreme slip n slide!
Apparently too extreme...
Proof that I got in on the action.
This isn't a staged photo at all...
I can slip n slide with my eyes shut.

So that was our cool Saturday fun!

-We were kind of disappointed with the size of the slide. On the box it shows a MUCH MUCH larger pool at the end and a wider slide going down. I fell to the false advertising. Oh well, it was fun regardless!

...Meet me at the Fair!

2010-08-17T19:14:00.001-07:00

My friend Valerie posted on Facebook that she was thinking of going to the fair...well, that made the wheels in my head turn. We are pretty boring here in the Andersson home, as Patric doesn't get home from work until 6:30 every night, so by the time we are finished eating it's basically bed time! I called Patric at work to see if it was possible for him to get off earlier and we could go to the fair. Then I checked prices and was like....uh, maybe not. I read wrong though and today was $2 day! So it only cost us $6 to enter the park and then we paid $20 for 20 tickets to ride some rides. Patric also had a hamburger because he came straight from work.

Josh had fun on the rides...I enjoyed the scrambler, twice! I got some cute pictures(unfortunately, only on my phone). All in all, it was a great evening!

Thanks to the Nears for posting your business on Facebook...and letting us crash your family evening!

Josh's first ride of the evening. He was so excited that he "did it!" He came running off the ride yelling, "I did it mommy!"
I was knocking the slide...Im not gonna lie...but by the joy on Josh's face, I think it was worth the price.
Brendan and Josh. I particularly like Brendan's face in this one!
Josh was unamused by the fact that he had to play the woman in this picture.
Aren't they just so cute?

You must turn your computer to the right to actually view the video...this is my first time posting a video, so have some patience!

Sasha

New Calling

2010-08-15T14:26:00.001-07:00

So yesterday Patric texted me while I was at a bridal shower to tell me that we were asked to meet with our Stake President on Sunday before church. I almost immediately knew what the calling would be for...but it was fun to speculate. We even discussed buying a bottle of vodka and hoping that President Price would feel the lack of spirit coming from us, and Patric admitting to a little word of wisdom problem...and poof...no calling made.

We didn't do that though...

Patric kept saying it could be a calling for me...but I knew it wasn't. I have been in my calling for just a year and it is a calling that you are in for awhile. Patric was due for a new calling...he has been in Young Men's for a long time. President Price asked Patric to meet with him first...bingo...I was right. Then, after a few minutes, he asked me to join them.

Patric has been called to be the assistant ward clerk over finance. I told President Price that we were discussing this very calling the previous night and how funny it would be if he received it, because he hasn't written a check in over 6.5 years....but alas, my husband accepted the calling and has already been set apart.

I think he will enjoy being able to serve in this capacity and learn a bit more of what I do in my line of profession...

Thoughts

2010-08-12T04:48:00.000-07:00

So...I have like three different blogs that I keep, one anonymous one, one I haven't written on in over a year and this one. I decided that I don't want to have to use different ones anymore. I have used this blog as a journal almost, since I haven't used a journal in about 8 years...and it has been on my mind to write down an experience I had this week.

I'm not going to lie...I have not been the best prayer in a long time. Call it bitterness, call it disobedience...whatever...the facts are, we go through the motions of family prayer for Josh, but I have not really done personal prayer in over two months. This Monday I decided to pray. It was a simple and short prayer, but a pleading one. It is no secret to the entire world that I want a baby. I never thought the journey to get another baby would be so long! We started trying in December of 2008...it is August 2010! Granted, yes, I did get pregnant...TWICE...and then had to take time off of trying..but regardless, I would have had a baby right now had either of those pregnancies been viable. I told Patric while we were on vacation (cause of course I would get my period on vacation!...its ok, so did every women that still get's theirs, so we were all a bloody mess...haha!), that I just didn't want to try anymore. Getting my hopes up every month has sucked and I go to church sad and I don't want to have those feelings anymore. So we decided to get healthy and lose weight and if we got to our goal weights we would take a vacation, just the two of us. I already gave my mom the heads up that she would have to take Josh.

Fast forward to Monday night...I pray. I simply ask that if I am going to have another baby to please let someone around me that is more in tune with the spirit let me know. Tuesday morning Josh and I are in the shower. He kind of says something shyly, and if you know my son he is NOT shy, I think I hear what he says but ask him to repeat himself. He says "Jesus says you are going to have a baby soon." Now...I have talked with Josh about wanting a baby and he has said some stuff before...a lot of the time when I ask him if I am pregnant (when I am in the dreaded two week wait), he will say "Not Yet...Jesus hasn't told me yet". Tuesday morning in the shower, we were not talking about babies...it was completely out of the blue. Now, one can chalk it up to coincidence, because I think that Josh wants a baby sister (as he always says he has a baby sister) just as much as Patric and I want a baby daughter, but since I have deliberately not been talking about babies in the last week or so...I don't think this was a coincidence.

I hope that Josh is right and that Jesus isn't messing with my kid or me. This glimmer of hope has calmed me a bit. I was talking with Patric last night about the experience and he said...well how soon is soon? And I reminded him of a blessing he gave me back in the spring of 2006 where he talked about a baby that would come soon...we got pregnant in June of 2006...so you do the math. Hopefully this means the wait will soon be over.

In other news -

Patric got a physical(because I also wanted him to get his fertility checked...which we haven't done and may not do...but we have the cup just in case ; ) ) and his good cholesterol was too low and he was just a point or two too high in his glucose levels. The doctor told him the best way to fix all this was exercise! Thank you Doctor...something I have been pleading with him to do basically since Josh was born! It has been one of our biggest fights...since Patric is so much older than me, I want him to take care of himself.

Well...finally something has clicked. I don't know if it is because he REALLY wants to go on a trip with me without Josh (remember, I have to lose weight too) or he just really wants to be healthy...but he has already lost 4 lbs and has worked out every morning this week. Granted, I have worked out every day this week as well, but I haven't lost 4 lbs. It's nice to work on a goal together and have a fun treat when we reach it. In the beginning of the year, we tried to make it a competition, but that failed because we weren't working together. Granted, if I get pregnant I will have to drop out...and then we fully rely on Patric to meet his weight loss goals so we can go on our trip. If I don't get pregnant during the time we are losing weight...I will just look hot on my trip...so really it is a win win!

So there you go America...this is the saga that is my life right now.

I do feel very blessed in my life, and from the outside looking in, I am sure people think I have everything I want. I almost have everything I want...I just want a house full of kids too.

BEACH WEEK!

2010-08-06T05:24:00.000-07:00

Wow...I entirely missed the month of July! How did that happen? There wasn't too much that went on. I worked a little, played Zelda a lot (yes, I have dusted off the ol' Nintendo 64) and spent a lot of time at the pool.

We are in Topsail Island, NC right now for our annual family beach trip. The weather has been kind to us, the waves too. Josh has been having a fun time with his cousins...especially Sage and Lily. There have been a few spats, but they still want to spend time with each other.

Patric has been working hard to research a new marketing strategy that the company he works for should use. He has actually traveled over night twice in July...a little adjustment for Josh and I, but anything for him to do the work he actually wants to do. We have looked for other opportunities for him, but in the end know that he is pretty secure where he is at right now, and now that he has better earning possibilities we are going to see if his boss will come through on his end. Also, next year he will have 3 weeks of vacation...he never thought he would be at this company for five years...but with the economy the way it is, getting a new job is tough. We are very thankful he has a job, that is for sure!

I have been busy working from home....but have tried to keep it light so that I can take Josh to fun things this summer.

Oh--and Patric and I have decided to take a break from trying to make a baby. We are going to focus on ourselves and set goals, and if/when we reach them, our reward is a trip away without Josh. I am excited to feel good about myself again and I hope that Patric is too.

Here are some pictures from the beach..because that is the entire reason people actually come to this blog...not for my words!

We went to Wilmington the Friday before we went to the beach, and this is the Cape Fear River front. I liked this red boat.

Just the view from our deck. Glorious! Patric and I just don't want to go home this year!

My camera was acting funny, but that is a baby sea turtle walking its way to the ocean. They hatched a little too soon though, around 7pm, so the volunteer picked them up and put them in buckets until night time. They would have been someone's yummy snack if they were left alone.
My beautiful son!
I love this shot of Josh.

So that's all I got!

Sasha

June 22 already!

2010-06-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

June has been a fast, but also REALLY slow month...weird that I have that feeling. I am going to camp on the 29th to the 3rd of July. This is the first time I am going back to camp since I was a 4th year back in my teenage years. I didn't particularly like camp when I was a teenager, but I hope to bring a good feeling to the girls and they will have fun at girls camp! It will be a nice change from my every day life, that is for sure.

I did NOT go to work for the company I was doing consulting work for so long...but I have been helping the person they hired on a weekly basis, so at least I still have some money coming in. Yesterday when I was at the pool with Josh I was SO thankful that I didn't take the job. I would have missed being home with my sweet boy. Patric has the possibility to make more money at his work as well, so perhaps that is why I didn't get the position. They are also GROSSLY underpaying the person they hired. I would not have taken the position for the amount they are paying to her. She realized after the fact...which sucks for her!

We have spent a lot of the summer at the pool so far. I have stayed minimally busy...I am trying to relax and enjoy this summer...though I will have to figure out other avenues of money very soon if Patric doesn't get the raise that was discussed like 3 weeks ago in a meeting.

There isn't much else to write about. We were discussing going to Sweden this summer for Patric's grandma's 100 year birthday...but it would cost us like $3,500 to fly over there...so I gave Patric the option to go by himself, and he didn't want to do that...so we are heading to the beach with my family the first week of August. I CAN'T WAIT! I love the beach...and REALLY hope that it will be a GREAT year this year. Last year kind of sucked.

I haven't taken many pictures this summer. I need to dust my camera off and do so. Our garden is coming along and we have had BEAUTIFUL flowers this year. We are also growing tomatoes this year, thanks to my mother for giving us the plants.

Life is pretty good right now. I love the summer!

Memorial Weekend

2010-06-02T12:46:00.001-07:00

We were not sure what we wanted to do this weekend...we discussed going to North Carolina, but Patric and I both needed to work on Tuesday and Patric worked on Friday...so it would have been a VERY fast trip...but to compromise...I told Patric that we could do day trips on Saturday and Sunday and then spend time at the pool on Monday. This weekend worked out perfectly!

On Saturday, we went to Harpers Ferry, WV. It was nice to drive there and look at all the big houses and land! I think Patric fell in love. It was a beautiful day...we thought it was going to be cooler and rainy, which is why we chose Harpers Ferry. It was neither cold nor rainy...it was perfect!

On Sunday we decided to ditch church and drive down to VA beach. The Cox family was there and we figured it would be fun to spend a little vacation with them...especially since they are moving soon. It was PERFECT! I read my book (Dear John) all day while Josh played with Talen or Patric. We got a little burned, but not too bad for not being in the sun for so long.

On Monday we spent time at the pool with my family and then went to my mom's house for some good food.

Here are some pictures of the weekend.
This makes me want to move to WV. It is BEAUTIFUL!
Josh LOVES the water!!
Dancing after the waves descended.
He is a total daddy's boy when we go out of town. It is nice for me to be able to relax more, since he is just NOT interested in mommy!

BFFs!

2010-05-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

So my good friend Valerie actually trusted me to watch her son for an entire day today. Very brave of her! I am not asked often to watch other people's children...either because they see the evil within me, or they think I am too busy (which for the most part is true, unfortunately...I am too busy to even be with Josh full time).

Anyway--I took today as an opportunity to take some pictures of Josh and Brendan, since it has been a long time since I have pulled the camera out (remember...I am busy!). Here are some shots of today...now, 3 year old boys are not the easiest people to take pictures of...but they sure are cute!

These silly boys thought I was going to let them rollerskate...I didnt!
I totally posed them...but lets pretend I didn't. AWW!

I like this shot because they weren't saying CHEESE like they did the entire time I had the camera out.

At least their shirts are on...earlier in the day they were both walking around without their shirts on.
Brendan loves water! He drank A LOT of water today!

Just my little man...walking away from me!

Oh--and I have listened to A LOT music from the "Wicked" musical today. I am convinced that I could TOTALLY rock Elphaba's songs...much to Patric's dismay I am sure...as I have been belting out:

"Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:

Seriously---doesn't that seem so like me!!

~Life~

2010-05-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

I have been REALLY busy lately. I can't complain, it is good money and I enjoy the work. My brain has never had to work so hard as it has the last two weeks. I may take employment with this company that I have been doing consulting work with...if they offer it. There has been discussion, but nothing solid yet. They are FINALLY getting someone in there to do upper level work in the accounting department on Wednesday. I have had feelings both ways on taking employment there. I put my foot down and said I was no longer going to go in, because it was only supposed to be 3-4 weeks and then they would fill the position and I would be out of there...but I am so damn good at what I do, they started talking to me about employment there, so I did 5 total weeks in their office (well, only twice a week...but I was busy the other two days of the week and tried to keep Friday for Josh and I). My sweet friend Valerie watched Josh...but I didn't want to abuse our relationship anymore and said, either hire me or I am out.

Well...that didn't work out QUITE as I planned...but I also wasn't ready for employment with them either...and we need the money...and LUCKILY, they set me up to work from home. It is GREAT, but I have worked a lot than I was when just going two days a week. When their upper level person starts, she will be pretty much set when it comes to financials for the first quarter. I am not sure if they are going to start her automatically with all the stuff I am doing and then weed me out...or she will do something else...I dunno?? I went from 12 hours a week (well, with traveling and everything it was more like 16 hours...but only paid for 12) to about 30 a week...quite a difference! It will be nice when I get that big fat check next Saturday for 60 hours of work...I can't complain really.

Last night Patric and Josh went camping. Our church had a father-son camp out and Patric didn't get to go last year...so he made VERY sure he was going this year. Nothing I said would have stopped him...but quite honestly, it was nice to have an evening and morning to myself. It has been a long long time. Actually, it was the first night away from Josh for me. I went out with Valerie to Red Robin for dinner. I was thinking about hamburgers, like no other. I don't normally order hamburgers at Red Robin...on principal...but I went for it! I did not get a shake though, even though the devil (dressed up like the cute, petite pregnant girl Valerie) kept tempting me to do...and she took HALF of her food home. It was nice to sit and talk with Valerie though. I think that she and I have a lot in common, or at least similar experiences in life, and it is refreshing to have her in my life. She has been so good to watch Josh for me, but it is also nice to have a new friend that I can relate to. I only know what this will mean though...she is sure to move, cause that is the story of my life.

After Red Robin, I came home, and the workaholic I have become, ran payroll for the company I am working with. Then I watched One Tree Hill and Grey's Anatomy, then went to my bed and read some and fell asleep. I fell asleep at like midnight...but my stupid body is used to waking up at 6:00am, so I got up but then went back to sleep until 7:00...then read in bed for a bit. Went for a run (which was beautiful), mowed my lawn and then showered up. As I was coming down to read some more, my little family was home again. Josh and Patric had a REALLY good time. I am happy that Josh fell asleep in the tent. I have a feeling more camping trips are in our future. I sat (or rather laid) on my porch swing reading some more. I am reading "The Choice". I have borrowed it for a long time from Ann...so I figured I better read it and give it back. I am enjoying it...I love a good romance novel set in North Carolina. I think my heart resides on the beaches of North Carolina...so reading Nicholas Sparks books makes me feel like I am there. I may not even get to the ocean this year, which actually makes me quite sad...but Patric's grandma turns 100 this year and he wants to go to Sweden.

I have a new idea for an experiment...but I am not going to start the experiment until the last week of May....stay tuned. I am crazy for even thinking about it...but I have to do something to get my mind off of things.

So there you are...that is my life for the past week or so. Nothing too exciting.

Oh...and we are now completely obsessed with Michael Buble in this house...thanks to Josh.

Music

2010-05-06T14:52:00.001-07:00

I listen to music a lot when I am feeling down. I have been super busy lately, which is great, but the busy times do not take away my sadness.

Peter Gabriel is an amazing singer and this song is so powerful. Back when Patric and I were engaged we fought a lot (we fought a lot when we were dating too, but while engaged those two months I had a lot of animosity towards getting married...even though I was the one pushing it)....anyway, I listed to "Don't give up" for like an entire day.

I have listened to a lot of it today as well...as I am feeling down.

My favorite part of the song is :

'got to walk out of here
I can't take anymore
Going to stand on that bridge
Keep my eyes down below
Whatever may come
And whatever may go
That river's flowing
That river's flowing

Pretty sad to think that is my favorite part...but when he sings it it is so powerful..it encompasses a lot of my thoughts.

If you are a friend reading this...don't worry!! I am not suicidal, I could never ever ever do that to my son or husband. I just have a lot of unanswered questions and more than that, I am questioning a lot of things too....my head is spinning. Perhaps it is just from being too busy.

We had a great time with friends here....I am sad they are gone. I saw how happy Patric was with his best friend here. I think he really misses having a best friend like Rickard...they are special souls with a shared past. My husband is more brave than I. I can't even move three miles from my mom...my husband moved thousands of miles away from home and all that he knew. I wish I had that kind of courage. I wish I could just make big changes in my life that included a big move to somewhere unknown to me....somewhere where know one knew me or my struggles or past.

Sorry for the sullen post. I can't always be butterflies and rainbows (let's face it...I never really am anyway)

Because

2010-04-25T07:22:00.001-07:00

I know a lot of people complain about our church time. It starts at 1:30 and ends at 4:30. I actually enjoy this church time because it allows us to just relax in the morning...and have a yummy Sunday brunch too!

So--

Because it is Sunday--
Because, who doesn't enjoy a fancy breakfast at home?
Because these two mean the most to me in my life...and I love to make them smile!

Because strawberries, whipped cream and waffles are close to heaven in my mouth!
Because maybe I will get some peace and quiet when I want to practice this!

Happy Sunday!

--Sasha

Today, I am humbled.

2010-04-11T10:00:00.001-07:00

I went to our friend's ward, also my home ward growing up, Quantico, today to bless baby Everett. It is also fast Sunday, and in my church that means that the members of the congregation go up to the pulpit and bear their testimony of the church and their experiences.

One testimony in particular humbled me today.

There is a woman that I have known for many years. She is a few years older than me. She has had medical problems her whole life, namely brain cancer. She has overcome many obstacles in her life, gotten married to her eternal companion, had a few kids etc. I know that she has been fighting the cancer again, anybody would know, as she wears a scarf on her head. But she looked so beautiful up at the pulpit today and it brought me to tears. First, her son wanted to bear his testimony, so she helped him with that. And then she bore hers. The very first thing she said was that a few weeks ago they sang "I Believe in Christ" and a phrase stuck out to her, so she shared it. "I Believe in Christ, so come what may."..that is when I lost it....tears flowing...I am sure there were others in the room as well.

This woman, who has NEVER been able to skate through life...now, obviously, dealing with medical issues, proclaims that she believes in Christ, so come what may. She understands that everyone has their own trials to go through life...and looking at my own trials compared to hers I am very humbled. I just can not imagine going through what she is, never knowing if tomorrow will come for her on this earth, but she wears a happy face and continues to believe. What a great example to not only me, but EVERYONE!

I am so happy I was able to sit in on Quantico Ward's Testimony meeting today...the testimonies born were what I needed to hear...especially Lindsay Heaton's.

Workity work work work

2010-04-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

So--I have been SO busy with work since, well, the beginning of the year. This is what I wanted and it is great to have so many opportunities, but I feel SO guilty a lot of the time because I leave Josh with a babysitter or drag him with me and he sits and watches a movie or plays with stickers. (Hello run on sentence!)

Perhaps it is coincidence...who knows...but I ventured onto facebook today and what do I see but a group to join called "The Mormon Woman Project". It is no secret that in my religion they encourage women to stay home to care for the children...and it is quite honestly what I would LOVE to do...it just isn't in the cards for me. I felt impressed to start my business when Josh was about 4 months, but I didn't finally give into it until he was closer to 6 months. I felt like I was going against what I had been taught all of my life. But we needed more money to pay the bills and if I ever wanted to see my husband, I needed to work too. It has been a blessing, but it is SO hard and tiring sometimes to do it all. I am seriously contemplating making some changes in our current situation, but I have to sit on it some more before all will be revealed.

In the mean time---this article on that group was what I needed to read today!

http://www.mormonwomen.com/2010/04/07/when-mom-wears-the-suit/

Easter!

2010-04-04T18:53:00.000-07:00

Wow! What a busy weekend! We had most of my family over, and then add in a few cousins and their kids and we have ourselves a GREAT family get together...nevermind that my neighbor called the cops on my family for parking...ugh.

Anyway--to keep it positive! First, General Conference (at least the first session on Sunday) was AMAZING! I really felt like some of the talks were directed at me. Very uplifting and motivating.

And what would Easter be without Easter egg hunts and decorating eggs. We took Josh to the Montclair easter egg hunt. It was the first time we got there, and he did great. We also had a family easter egg hunt that was pretty dang fun as well.

Here are some pictures of the weekend--

The cousins at the Montclair Easter Hunt-Lily, Sage and Josh

Checking out his loot

Josh likes the Easter Bunny!

Before all the decorating began!

Putting the stickers on...his favorite part!

The finished work

Went straight for the golden egg...thatta boy!

I am officially wiped out! And I have a long week ahead of me. I better go to sleep now!

Do you want more?

2010-03-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

For the most part, I have NEVER been asked about how many children I want, when I was going to have another one etc....EXCEPT for now! I feel like EVERYONE is asking me if I want more, if Josh is going to be an only child, or what? Now, I know not everyone knows my history...but c'mon..enough is enough! YES! YES! YES! I want more children...I would have already HAD another child...he/she would have been 5 months right now...or 4 months if the SECOND pregnancy of 2009 didn't stick in my fallopian tubes!

So there it is universe....SASHA WANTS MORE CHILDREN! AND SHE WOULD LIKE THEM NOW!

My HSG test came back normal...no blockages. It didn't hurt too bad either, I took a lot of pain killers before, so perhaps that had something to do with it. I honestly just want to think about something OTHER than having more kids...but so many people (and these are people that don't know me well or even strangers) make it quite hard to do so.

Of course, I talk to some close friends about my struggles because I can't keep it all inside. Hopefully years from now I will be able to look back on these times with laughter and understanding.

My little Josh is not so little anymore. But I know he wants a sibling.

I also decided I would not take a pregnancy test until like the end of April...that way if my cycle is all messed up from the HSG I will not get my hopes up and take a million tests (which I actually don't do anyway) just to be disappointed.

One day I will have more children. Obviously not in the time frame I wanted, but more children will be in my life. And at least that gives me comfort.

Here are some pictures of the last couple of weeks/month-
Since Josh was featured on Brendan's website, I felt it only proper to show a picture of him on ours. This was from like a month ago I think while I was watching him for a couple of hours.

A good hair day always deserves a picture!

Happy Birthday Josh!

Happy Spring! I took a lot of pictures of these bad boys growing in my back yard. I love violets, I think they are a perfect flower!

And with that, I need to give the child I DO have, a hug, a kiss and some lunch because, according to him, HE'S HUNGRY!

Difference between men and women

2010-03-15T06:30:00.000-07:00

So--I call this morning to make an appointment for my HSG. The first place I call...I get a man on the other end of the phone. He asks me what cycle day I am on...I tell him. He says I am supposed to call on CD 1. I didn't even contact my obgyn until CD 3 to let her know I wanted this test done. He says they are all booked but I could call the center in DC and see if they have an opening. I beg him to see if there are any openings...he says no...call back on CD 1 next month. UGH! Screw you...bye.

I call the KP center in DC. I get a woman on the other end. She says they are booked too...but will see if other medical centers do the HSG test. I wait for about 5 minutes...then she comes back and says...we will squeeze you in at 1130.

Booyah...no waiting until next month for me...I had to change some things around with my schedule this week...but I will be going into DC for something other than work this week...JOY!

Luckily Patric will take the day off to be with me. Now to have someone take Josh!

Clearly the angels up above are hearing me...or my persistence is really good! Normally I would just have said, oh DC...no way...but I have been going into DC at least once a week for like 6 months...it is a piece of cake now!

Happy Birthday Little Man!

2010-03-14T06:08:00.001-07:00

Three years old! I have a three year old! When did this happen?? I remember my belly (and weight) growing and growing for nine months. I distinctly remember the hospital and all the crap I went through to have you. But after that...it just all has gone TOO fast!! You are speaking in complete sentences...you carry full on conversations with us. You are potty trained -- which by the way, you have gone five nights without peeing in your pull up either! I wasn't even planning on potty training you until you were three...and here we are...at three and you are fully potty trained!! You have always wanted to be older than you are. You started crawling a little earlier than 5 months. You slept like a champ from the very beginning. You took your first steps a week before you were 1, in Sweden! We will never forget that. And after those first steps you just took off!

You love to sing. You start singing songs and I have to figure out what you are singing...and then when I do I am shocked that you even know the song...and that well! Your absolute favorite song right now is, as you call it, "Birds flying high"...you like either version, Feeling Good by Michael Buble or by Muse. You have been singing a lot of "Father and Son" by Cat Stevens lately...probably because I have been playing it a lot on the guitar. Actually right at this second, you are singing "Plug in baby" by Muse. NOTHING makes me smile bigger than your love for music! It is our bond!

You have an unhealthy love for stickers...much to your father's demise. I give you more and more stickers...because you love them and they keep you happy...even though you get them ALL OVER THE HOUSE!

You love your friends. Ella, Brendan, Talen, Sage, Collin, Parker etc. Even though Sage is your cousin, you consider her a best friend...though your love sometimes annoys her.

Josh...you are my sweet little boy. You thanked your daddy and I several times this morning for the presents. You are wise beyond your years. You are a gift to us...and we feel VERY blessed to have you as our son.

A year in review...from two to three...ugh..three...I will say it again, can you PLEASE stop growing...I miss my baby! (Which you have made perfectly clear to me now that you are NOT a baby...you are a big boy).

The obsession begins. Your 2nd birthday, we bought you Toodee. Now you have all of them!
Some of my very favorite pictures of you were taken on this day.

HSG..oh my!

2010-03-12T16:22:00.000-08:00

So--it is no secret that I do not like doctors...I try as hard as I can to stay away from them....especially after having to go to the doctor every other day (get blood drawn) for about two weeks last April. My doctor wanted me to get an HSG done after I healed from it, during the summer. It slipped (I tried to forget about the trauma) my mind...until we started trying for another baby again. Here we are, about 6 months of trying, to no avail. Back in November, I decided I probably needed to get an HSG...but kept talking myself out of it. I kept saying, next month, next month.

Well.,..this month ttc was so different. I enjoyed it. And I quite honestly thought that it could be it too! I even was a day late...but then the witch showed her EVIL face...and well...I'm not pregnant. I took last month much better than I did this month, I didn't even shed a tear last month. I freakin BAWLED my eyes out and said, THAT IS IT...NO MORE TRYING! Josh is it and furthermore, I am going to just make tons of money and forget all about trying to have more children (I could make a lot of money if I didn't worry so much about having another child...but since I know I want another child, I hold back on my business...though business is booming right now...I can't complain too much...much better than last year and the year before, as long as I have growth things are going well).

Then...thoughts of the HSG came back this morning. And since, if you know me, you know I hate calling people (if you ever receive a phone call from me, you should feel VERY special), I emailed my OBGYN to beg her to refer me to get an HSG. I was surprised how quickly I heard back from my favorite nurse there. Last year, as she was poking both sides of my butt cheeks with a strong dose of chemo therapy to kill the thing growing in my fallopian tube, I joked with her saying "Don't you think we should go out to drinks or something before you see my butt?" (Just like me to joke during one of the most traumatic things to happen to me, both physically and emotionally...getting over the ectopic was SO MUCH harder physically on me then the c-section...perhaps it was due to the lack of good drugs...they weren't allowed because they would interfere with the chemo). Anyway, the nurse said she would send my email to my doctor directly and see what she advises.

I heard back from Dr. R this evening, via email. A woman after my own heart. She said that she put the order in for the HSG and that I should call on Monday to find out where to go. I didn't even need to come in to see her...another reason why I love her! I did attempt to make an appointment with her...but she is always booked (and for good reason, clearly)...and I did make an appointment for late April...after this cycle would be done...but perhaps I will be able to cancel it now.

The next step is to get the HSG. Hopefully it will give me the answers I need. I hope it won't be HORRIBLE news...but I suspect something will come up in it....which is why I have had thoughts about getting one done for so long.

Go here for more information on what one is...it won't be a fun procedure...

http://www.advancedfertility.com/hsg.htm

Happy 6 years!

2010-03-06T06:05:00.001-08:00

Today Patric and I celebrate six years of marriage!! We have had lots of ups and downs, but we are still standing...and happier than ever! I am grateful that I had the guts to ask him to go on a walk through Old Town Alexandria and even more grateful that he said yes. I tore him away from his party to be with only me...can we say attention whore?

Ever since that walk, Patric and I have been together. It hasn't always been easy...and if you knew us while we dated you probably would wonder how we even made it to our wedding day...but here we are, six years later. We have a beautiful son, a beautiful home (and a rental we would like to get rid of), employment, a little bit of savings, plenty of debt (well...not TOO much debt), our Faith, and complete and utter trust in ourselves and our Maker. I am sure I have grown more in these six years than Patric has, but I have never been happier in my life than I am now.

I love you Patric...regardless of all the jokes I may say...you are my rock! I couldn't imagine going through the last year without you by my side. I hope to have many many many many many more wonderful years with you!

Here are some of my favorite pictures throughout the year--

Our engagement photo---it was SO cold that day...so we made the picture black and white to hide our red noses

One of the only digital wedding photos we have

Why did I ever cut my hair??

Seriously---why do they have to grow up?? Sage at 9 months, Josh at like 5 days old

Keeping this life in perspective...

Clearly pregnant...look at the book...

Carlie as a puppy---poor dog has to put up with all our clothes...and shoes..

I could just keep going.

Sasha

When God closes a door...

2010-02-24T08:34:00.000-08:00

He opens a window! I have always loved that saying...and for the first time in a year, I am so calm and relaxed about EVERYTHING that it is scary. This month I decided to change my diet, take some chinese herbs, get massage therapy, read and listen to soothing music before bed...basically EVERYTHING to bring my stress levels down.

And...

IT HAS WORKED! I even decided to STOP going into work in DC. It was a crazy move, especially since we need the money...but I realized when I was forced to stay home because of snow, that I have missed DEARLY the time I have with my son. Also...my sweet friend had her baby on Saturday, and she watched Josh...so I felt like something needed to be changed anyway. So, I have been scouring for opportunities for work (I have my clients...but I still have time for more)...and last night I received an email from someone that I was in contact with in December. He wanted me to do his business returns this year, which is fine...but he wanted to handle his own bookkeeping (I convinced him to get organized and into Quickbooks). If you want to be a legitimate business, you need to take care of your financial records right from the start. It is so much easier and less costly that way...unfortunately for him, he has already been running his business for three years.

I received an email from him last night, seeing if my offer still stood on what I quoted him with catching up his bookkeeping and then doing his bookkeeping on a quarterly basis. For now, I don't feel he needs bookkeeping on a monthly basis...but he may in the future. It made me feel good that he came back to me for the bookkeeping. It is not my style to push someone into my services...maybe that will be the death of my company?? But it is my style to be there waiting, when my clients realize that it isn't SO easy to make time for bookkeeping.

Needless to say---I felt so incredibly blessed to receive his email last night....especially since my hours are severely cut down with my consulting work because I do not want to go into DC without Josh anymore. Frankly, the task that I was doing is complete...with one little piece missing...but it isn't anything that they can't handle without me. Will I miss the money?? Hell yeah! But I know, financially, that we are always taken care of...as long as I do my part. At least I know we will make it through March...since I also have other tax returns to complete...and hopefully more contacts will come my way with my advertising and email efforts.

Oh...and stop reading if you don't want to be grossed out!

My stress reliever techniques have helped me in my fertility as well. The last couple of months, I have been ovulating on cycle day 24. Now, most women ovulate probably cycle day 12 - 18. It is REALLY hard to get pregnant when ovulating late...and stressed out about it too! This month I ovulated on cycle day 16!! I will have a 30 day cycle!! This is HUGE! I had 38 day cycles for the last two - three months. I am so grateful for this as well. Even if it doesn't end up in pregnancy...at least my body is working correctly (for once!).

Let's see if we have any new pictures that I can post...

Nope! No new pictures!

Til next time!

Decorating Cookies!

2010-02-11T12:28:00.001-08:00

I got to actually enjoy ALL of this week with my little man. It has been a LONG time since I have not gone into DC during the week and left him with Kami (the coolest babysitter and the bestest friend ever...seriously, I am so thankful that she has been willing to watch Josh for so long...even willing to watch him all the way up to the day she goes to the hospital with her new baby...I dont think I will do that to her though!). This snow stuff is for REAL! I mean, like 20 inches this weekend, and then another 8 inches on Wednesday! Patric's work even closed...so he got to stay home. I did work for about 2.5 hours, but at least Josh and Patric got to hang out while I made some $$$ at home.

Today, instead of being in DC, I went to my mom's house and Josh decorated some cookies for Valentine's day. He had a lot of fun hanging out with Sage too. They didn't even fight once! A MIRACLE! Perhaps its because they haven't seen that much of each other for the past five months. I really didn't think I would be working in DC twice a week for so long. I guess I can't complain too much, since it was well needed money...but I am growing quite tired of it. It is not a fun project to work on...and I feel it will not reap the rewards to the company...so basically, I feel like it is a waste of time. Sure, I make money working on the project...but I want a good outcome to come of it...

Anyway--that is boring. Here are some pictures of today!

I really like this picture! Josh was scowling for some reason...I think it is because he wanted to just take the cookies and eat them without decorating them!
He was very excited to decorate the cookies!
Hard at work.
They must be related...the tongue comes out with all the concentration. Earlier in the day they both went into a daze too...it was pretty funny. Too bad I didn't have my camera out then!
Tasting their hard work (well...Grandma actually did the hard part...making the cookies!)
Doesn't look like they like them too much...in fact, they look down right disgusted by the cookies! (They did like them...and would have had a dozen each if Megan and I didn't stop them!)

The woman that made this day all possible. I am fairly certain I said something derogatory to get this face out of her...it isn't hard for me to get my mom going...she puts up with me for the most part!

In other news--

I am working on making a recipe book with all of my loose recipes. So, naturally, when I cook/bake something that is from a loose recipe (piece of paper that I throw into a box currently, instead of out of a cookbook) I have to take a picture of it for my recipe book! Here are my delicious cinnamon rolls. We ate them on Superbowl Sunday!

Speaking of snow...

2010-02-06T15:06:00.000-08:00

Holy moly---have we got a mess on our hands! We got about 4 inches on Tuesday/Wednesday, which before this winter would have felt substantial...but Friday evening - Saturday evening (today) we got about 20 inches of snow. So TWO HUGE storms for this winter season...that NEVER happens in Virginia...at least where I live. It has been fun for Josh to play in the snow and for us to just relax in the house...well, this is the second weekend where we have been in the house because of snow. I forgot that last weekend we got about 5 inches of snow too. This is a VERY snowy winter!!

Here are some pictures...I haven't posted pictures in a while!

I wanted to get some good shots of Josh because his eyes just pop with all this white stuff...so I told him to open his eyes...this is what I get!
So much snow!
This is such a cute picture of Josh and I have been trying for about a month to get a really good shot of him. Too bad I didnt bother with make up today, so he looks cute and I look blah!
What a goof!
At least he cooperated...just wish he looked at me!
Patric would throw him up and then stick him in the snow. He loved it!

In other news---

I am working on a recipe scrapbook for all my loose recipes...and I took a great picture of my delicious pizza. I swear, this pizza looks professionally made!! Yay me!
My first stuffed crust pizza was a success!

February

2010-02-04T04:22:00.001-08:00

Wow! All I can say is this winter is by far the snowiest that I can remember! We had a light snow in early December followed by like 20 inches on Dec 19. We got about 3 inches on Saturday, so that was snow in January....then I would say we got about 4-5 inches on Tuesday night into Wednesday morning, Feb 2-3....and now they are calling for another storm like Dec 19 this weekend! Where do we live, Sweden?? I am not used to all of this snow, though I am not complaining. I always say it is better to have snow when its cold then to just be cold...last winter it was so cold, but not much snow. Can't say that about this winter. We did get a few days of 60 degree weather last week, and wow was that a tease...but its nice to have the beautiful snow on the ground.

Life has been ok lately. Carol, my boss from ADS, emailed me asking me to come work there again. Now, in most of our emails we talk about me coming back, but this one was different and I took it seriously. I went in and met with her and met the department...and REALLY felt good about going back. But I should have known that on my drive home that it wasn't going to happen. Patric and I debated about it, did the pros and cons for two days...went to the temple...and decided it was not right for me to go back. I felt VERY relieved and happy to say the least. I loved working there, but I LOVE my independence and ways that I make money now...plus I would miss Josh so much. I don't know what I am going to do when he goes to school!! I hope I will have another little one by then!

Other than that, not too much exciting has gone on...and I am actually pretty happy for the lull. Patric is winning in the weightloss competition...I think. I haven't weighed myself in like two weeks...and I haven't worked out at all this week...this dang snow and cold is killing my motivation! I just sleep and sleep...so unlike me. I secretly hope Patric will win and I will get pregnant...of course. I am happy that he is at the gym right now and that he has been taking this challenge seriously...I want him to take good care of himself because I love him and want him around for awhile.

Well, Im going up to DC today...so I gotta get out of bed finally and get going.

Another Saturday Night

2010-01-16T11:27:00.000-08:00

Well...technically, its Saturday Day...but I have Cat Stevens on the mind. I mean, really, when do I NOT have Cat Stevens on the mind?

So--I am dying my hair...but I am happy to report that it is not because I am unhappy with my life or anything like that. I am dying it because the roots are coming in pretty dang strong...and it has been over a month now...so I am due a clean up in that area.

Life is pretty good right now. I am trying to market my company pretty hard. I have a few new potential clients (I say potential, because until I have tax return information in my hand, they are not clients). I am advertising in the Montclairion and will be dropping post cards out next week. I have actually gotten two clients just from being excited and posting on Facebook!

Money isn't flowing like wine, or anything, but at least we can pay our bills. I was driving on 95 on Friday to go to my niece's birthday party...and my tire burst. I was a little upset, because I had never even located my spare tire before....but when I finally figured out where it was, I was just about to hitch up my car when two guys asked if I needed help. My angels! YES! I proclaimed, they quickly got the spare tire on and that was that. I was on my way to the party again. I will be better prepared next time. I just bought new tires in 2008...so luckily they are under warranty...the car is in the shop now.

I have been much more at peace this month. It is quite nice actually. I am not temping or anything for pregnancy. I am working out four times a week...Patric is actually working out about that much too! We aren't using our credit cards this month either. I REALLY want to take control of our finances!!

2010 is going to be MY year...I just know it!

Starting the year off right!

2010-01-01T05:22:00.000-08:00

Now that 2009 is behind me---time to focus on good positive things for the year. I challenged Patric to a weight loss contest. I need to lose the weight I gained from the past two months...my clothes are getting tight and I don't like it! Trying to get pregnant ruins my work outs for two weeks out of the month, because I don't want to work out too hard and lose my chances of being pregnant.

That is going to end.

I can no longer live my life around getting pregnant. I have a beautiful son...seriously, he is freakin awesome. and one day I will get pregnant. But, I need something else to focus on...and Patric needs to lose a bit too, so a friendly challenge will do us some good!

Of course, if I get pregnant in the course of the challenge, then I am out and the challenge is over...but that will just be a bonus. We haven't decided what our prizes will be...but I would like to see what 140 looks like on me (maybe even 130) and I know Patric looks good at 180....he has a little more work than me to do, but I have only gotten as low as 146 (and that was AFTER my work out).

So back to 5-6 days a week working out for me...none of this 1 - 3 day crap that has been going on.

I am SO going to win this challenge.

Eat my dust Patric.

End of year thoughts.

2009-12-31T08:31:00.000-08:00

Warning---very truthful thoughts will be flowing from my fingertips.

The end of 2009. Boy am I glad to see this year just be over. Just about 12 more hours until it is 2010. It was NOT a happy, joyous year for me. I did have a lot of good things happen this year, but the loss of two pregnancies kind of set the tone for me for the year. I tried to stay positive, keep the tears just to myself...but it is still hard. I was hoping to end the year right and be pregnant...but alas, there is no baby in my belly...and not even a hope that one would be coming. I am back to where I was last year, and that scares me. I found out I was pregnant in February...and my cycle started in December...so yeah...it has been a year since my first miscarriage of the year started. And then to have an ectopic after that...two happy times RIPPED from me. The positive of not being pregnant now, I suppose, is that it can't be taken away.

We have on our goal board that we will have a baby in 2010. I only have three more months, but probably closer to two because of my long cycles and then a baby in 2010 will not happen. You can see how this can make me feel even worse that this cycle was a bust. We did everything right this cycle...but Heavenly Father did not bless us with what we desire most. I have been blessed in other areas...I became an EA this year. I got a new client, a couple prospective tax clients, work with a financial consulting firm....all in all, we have survived a very hard economic year....but this is not what I desire MOST. I want to have a home full of children. I dont know if that will happen...and I am not sure if I will ever be happy about it.

So to take away from the doom and gloom that I feel---I have decided to focus on the good years that I remember.

2003 and 2004 were good years. I met Patric in 2003. We got married in 2004. 2006 was a good year. We got pregnant with Josh, I quit my job and got hired by American Disposal and I graduated from college. 2007 was the BEST year...we had Josh. Oh, my world was so happy then. I tried hard not to complain about him, frankly because there wasn't much to complain about! He was such an easy baby...I also started my business in 2007...life, frankly, could not have been better that year.

2001 was a fun year. I graduated high school, had a fun summer before college...went to college.

I know year's in my life that were not great. 1992 sucked, 1999 sucked. and 2009 can join those years.

Anyway--

GOOD RIDDANCE to you 2009. May 2010 bring my family all the happiness it deserves...because frankly...we are trying to be positive and happy, even when we are dumped on time and time again!

Another post already!?!

2009-12-28T09:54:00.001-08:00

Ok---

I thought this post needed to be all on its own. The glory that is my new guitar! Patric REALLY did too much for me this year. I told him he had a budget of 150.00. He obviously did not stick to it....but he still got a REALLY good deal on the guitar. This guitar is probably close to 700.00, but he got it for 299.00. I have two goals already, to play "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd and "Father and Son" by Cat Stevens. Since I do not have the music books, I have relied on searches on the internet...and youtube has proved the best tool. People actually post themselves playing it and I can figure out the notes and write them down and then play.

I am pretty close with "Wish You Were Here" though the solo is going to take some MAJOR work...lots of stuff I have never done before...but the chords are pretty simple.

"Father and Son" is a different story...while I have the chords, Cat Stevens didn't make it easy...he changes chords A LOT! I WILL get these songs down soon!

Here she is, in all her glory!

Patric even got me a nice case!
Patric thought that I wanted a black guitar...I don't remember saying that I did, but he gave up that idea and went with this one...and I think it is beautiful!!

Isabelle likes it too!
Trying to pretend that I know what I am doing with my camera!

Christmas!

2009-12-28T09:28:00.001-08:00

We have survived another Christmas season. We didn't have time to get Christmas cards out, mainly because I was working three days a week through December and the other days were used to work and catch up on the house!

But we had a wonderful Christmas! Patric and I talked about doing Christmas cookies for some people, but neither of us had the motivation to do so. Well, Christmas Eve, I decided that I was NOT going to even touch the computer for work...and since Patric was at work for a few hours anyway (he SAID he was going to take the day off this year...but he didn't ;) ) I had TIME! So I baked chocolate chip cookies, shortbread cookies, cake brownies with chocolate frosting, and by the time I did all that, Patric was home and made cookies called Split Second cookies. They are really YUMMY!! We made some plates of cookies and embarked on delivering them, before heading over to my mom's house for a Christmas Eve feast.

Christmas Day we went downstairs to find Santa's gifts waiting for us! He was WAY too generous to me this year. He got me a REALLY FREAKIN NICE guitar...I mean...WAY too nice for such a beginner guitarist such as me...but it is beautiful and I have probably played over 12 hours since having it....and my poor fingers were hurting pretty bad, but they are doing ok today.

After having our Christmas morning, we went over to my brother David's house to share Christmas with the rest of my family (minus Ian and Natasha and the kids). It was a good day. We had REALLY yummy food and enjoyed watching some Christmas programs on BYUtv and playing the guitar. Patric went over to David's dressed in his pajamas and I was asked numerous times why he was wearing them...he was excited to get them, so he wanted to wear them!

We had a lot of late nights and early mornings and I haven't worked out since last Monday (I ALMOST got motivation to go to the gym this morning) so we are a bit slow here today. Patric had to go back to work...and Josh and I were sad to see him go! I have to work on Tuesday and Wednesday, but Thursday is New Year's eve (hopefully Patric will only work a half day that day as well) and then he will be home all day Friday again! I really miss him when he isn't around.

Here are some pictures--
Proof we had a white Christmas this year!
Josh is wearing his new pajamas he got in his stocking. I wish I had pajamas like that! They are so comfy and warm!! He finally got his muno microphone! I was SO SICK of him asking about it!!

When Dennis (Patric's brother) came into town, he brought Christmas gifts for Josh. He is asking me what they are! haha. He will LOVE them when the spring comes and we use them...they are big wands to do big bubbles!! He LOVES bubbles!!

He also received a book from his Uncle Dennis and Aunt Marie. I think Patric enjoyed the book more than Josh did! He was laughing a lot while he was reading it to Josh. Finally, a swedish book, written in English! I can read it to him too!
Don't mind my ugly appearance....take in the beauty of the guitar!
Getting ready to open some presents at David's house. The only thing Josh was interested in was actually OPENING the presents...not the present that was in them. Luckily, he loves his gifts and has been playing non-stop with his new toys.
Opening his Buzz Lightyear. He loves it...and frankly so do I! I love the movie Toy Story!
Not the best picture, especially since Josh REFUSED to look at the camera...but there you have it.

That was our Christmas!! It will hard to top this year for me at least!!

Snow on Snow on Snow!

2009-12-20T12:28:00.000-08:00

There is something so peaceful about the snow...and I could just sit and stare at those flakes falling for hours! We got a full 24 hours of snowfall from Friday night (December 18) to Saturday night (December 19). I do not remember EVER getting this much snow in December! It definitely makes Patric feel more at home too...and for that we can be thankful! It is hard, I am sure, for him to be so far away from his family...especially at this time of year.

We had a lot of fun in the snow though, even though it is WAY too deep to do any REAL sledding right now. We attempted to get some good sledding in at my mom's house, but the snow wasn't packed enough. When I was a kid (and granted...I still felt like one today) we would have been out on the hills the moment there was enough snow on the ground! Those hills would have had ramps on them and many different trails to take to go down the hill...but instead today, there were only three trails and the walk path was barely walked on! Tells you what this generation of kids are doing with their spare time...(ie...playing video games!)

Here are some pictures of our snow storm!

This was around noon time (I think...it could have been earlier.) Still so much more snow that came from that time on.Josh LOVES to eat snow...it was hard to get a picture of him NOT eating the snow...in fact, I dont think I have one!
Carlie enjoying the snow...or rather...tolerating the snow! At least we shoveled a little path so she didnt get lost!
Once again...eating the snow...he is a true swede too because the snow didnt bother him at all!
Patric actually woke up early on Sunday to shovel the rest of the snow. He took some pictures before the sun came up.
One of my favorite shots that Patric took. You can see how much it snowed with this shot!
This is the other shot I like a lot.
Our roof!

Success!

2009-12-13T05:01:00.001-08:00

By the amount of food consumed, and the amount NOT left over, I believe I had a good Christmas party. Patric had been talking about having a party since before Thanksgiving, but I am not as big of a party thrower or giver (if you can believe that)...but since I love my husband and want to make him happy, I agreed to have a party.

It was a lot of fun! We had a lot of friends and family come and enjoy the Christmas spirit of friendship and fellowship. Some friends I havent seen in a long time, and others I see on a weekly basis.

Also---

My mom brought me more correspondence from IBM. Back story--they overpaid me in benefits back in 2004 and were asking for the overpaid benefits to be paid back. This was no small sum of money, and the money is all gone now...I called to talk to someone there, they couldnt do anything...told me to write to the IBM Plan Administrator. I did. Got the letter back stating there was nothing they could do, it was their fiduciary responsibility. Little did they know I was already talking to my brother's friend, who also happens to be a lawyer. He drew up a letter with fancy codes and words and sent it off to IBM. Our hope was that it would scare them enough to go away....since it was coming from a lawyer.

Its amazing that one little letter can take away that problem! I tried not to freak out about it too much really. They had given me 60 days to appeal their decision, so I was going to get through the holidays without dealing with it (which if you know me, items like this stress me out a lot and I do not like them looming over my head). I did talk to my brother's fancy lawyer friend and asked him to write up the letter (but resolved to the fact that it probably wouldnt do anything and that we would have yet another bill to pay monthly for the next 5 years....even though it was IBM's fault!)

My favorite line of the letter is "Ms. Andersson does not have to repay this amount." They sent fancy lawyer friend, Jeff Wigodsky from Karp Frosh, the letter and cc'd me...which went to my mom's house because they are morons and do not know how to update an address (I told them my address and wrote it on the letter...they STILL sent it to my mom 's house).

I went back in forth in my head as to whether I should open the letter or not...it could put me in a foul mood right before my christmas party would get started...but I opened it and it was the great news.

Simply a Christmas miracle.

in other news--

Josh has taken to waking up around 715, coming into our bedroom and cuddling/falling asleep. It is nice to have my little man just relaxing every morning with us for a little bit.

We really do love our little boy!!

Snow!!

2009-12-05T14:50:00.000-08:00

Our first snow of the season happened today! Thankfully, I went searching for a Christmas outfit with my mom and Josh yesterday and found a snowsuit at Old Navy on sale for $15. The lady at the checkout asked if I was buying it for the big snow tomorrow, and I just laughed and said, no...its just a good sale. Well...he already got to use them!! And Josh had SO MUCH fun playing in the snow. The first thing he did was throw snowballs...thats all he wanted to do! We built a snowman and took a walk around the block. Josh got to sit in the sled while we walked....he had a really fun time. We probably will get about 3-4 inches total. It is still snowing now. We were going to go up to the Swedish Embassy for a Swedish festival today, but with the snow I didn't want to go with all the stupid drivers...so maybe next year.

Patric made crepes for breakfast and hot dogs and mac and cheese for lunch. We had hot chocolate and watched The Polar Express and have a home made apple pie baking in the oven. Not a bad day if you ask me!!

Here are some pictures!
Patric dragging Josh in the sled.
Attempting a snow angel.
Daddy and son snow angels.
Throwing snowballs at mommy...
Good thing his aim is off!
Patric took a decent shot of Josh and I.
Love this shot!!
Frosty the Snowman.
If this isn't an awkward family photo I dont know what is!
I did my hair all nice for our Christmas photo and then played in the snow....so no family photo shoot today!

Also--a side note...a very fine man died today, Robert Brown. He was a great man and a close family friend. I pray that their family will come together this Christmas season and have fond memories of the great man he is. And I know that he and my dad are chumming it up in Heaven now! They were great friends.

Sasha

My big oops!

2009-12-01T12:41:00.000-08:00

Well...Im just going to spill it. I went red last month because I didnt get pregnant and we really wanted to get pregnant. But red is SO difficult to keep red...especially on blond hair! So...this month, when we didnt get pregnant again (ugh!) I decided to change it back to blond. Easier said than done!! I dyed it three times...it only lightened the red to a more brassy reddish orange and made my roots blond.

This morning, thankfully (the one time I am grateful Josh was sick) Josh had a sour stomach, so I had to stay home from going into DC for some work. I ran out and got a box of hightlighting (which never fails me) and worked on my hair. So, now I have blond/orange hair. Oh well...its gonna have to do for now. My hair needs a rest from these past two weeks.

Note to self...STOP DYING YOUR HAIR WHEN YOU DONT GET PREGNANT!! Paint your toenails...clean the house...scream! Just leave the hair alone.

In other news...the Friday after Thanksgiving, Ian, David, Megan, Teri, Charlie, my mom, Gregg, Patric and I went to the temple to do work for my dad and his family as well as family on my mom's side. What a great experience to be in the temple with my family! There is something special about going with my brothers and sister...I hope that we can do it again soon!

oh...and today is the first day we get to open our advent calendar!! Patric and I worked on an advent calendar that will hopefully last a long time with our little family. I need to take a picture of it! I can't wait until Patric gets home so we can open the envelope, learn about Jesus, and eat some chocolate!!

Playing catch up....again...

2009-11-12T19:10:00.000-08:00

Life has been crazy lately. We had a fun halloween night. Josh dressed up as DJ Lance Rock from Yo Gabba Gabba. This year we walked around the neighborhood instead of the townhouses. It was fun but Josh got tired at the end. He got a lot of candy! And, unfortunately, that means Patric and I have had an abundance of candy to eat.

We also went to New Jersey and New York last weekend for my cousin Helen's wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and a fun reception. Even though our GPS had a mind of its own, we had fun catching up with family. We went up to New York after the wedding and saw the church where my Aunt Anna and Uncle Tony got married in....even saw the actual records from their wedding day. I also got to spend time with my friend Sarah. I have missed that girl! I wish that we lived closer!!

Here are some pictures to update!

This was just cocktail hour...we loaded up on so much food, I literally gained 5 pounds from that night!! This is my cousin Julia and her favorite lobster server and my nephew John.
Patric took a lot of candid shots. Sitting around the table is, my aunt Anna, brother David, me, Aunt Laila, Uncle Lenny and cousin Mike.

The beautiful bride, my cousin Helen, and her new husband Andrew.
Helen and her dad, my uncle, Peter.

My great uncle John and me. Thanks to Patric for asking me to go get a picture with him. He is 90 years old. His son is behind him, Rostislaw. He shares the same name as my dad and is his cousin, but we grew up calling him uncle Russ or uncle Lou.
On the way up to NJ, Josh fell asleep with his ball like this...perfect photo op.

Most of the time, the kids were downstairs playing games and watching tv...but we pulled Josh out for a little bit of dancing. He loves to dance and was all over the dance floor....
literally all over the dance floor. That is my cute niece, and his partner in crime, Eliza.

Family shot...with Josh longing to go dance again.

NEW YORK PICTURES!
We walked around Times Square...of course I had to get a shot of this!
The inside of the old church my aunt and uncle got married in.

Congratulations NY Yankees!

The Motley Crue.
There was a store JUST for M&Ms, Im talking everything you can think of to buy, with M&M plastered all over it. It was a nightmare to be in...but my cousin Sonya wanted to buy something for all the kids. Josh got the m&m that is on the ground...it is a Green M&M dressed as the statue of liberty....it seemed fitting.

Halloween pictures
Before we went out trick or treating. My little boy wont stop growing up!

That's all for now!

Sasha

What have I done?

2009-10-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

So---generally in life, when things don't go my way....I dye my hair....this was no exception, EXCEPT, I have never chosen this color before.

It is a bit darker and more red now than in this picture...since I messed up in the back and left some blond spots. Patric doesn't love it...but he knows it is only a matter of time until I change it to another color.

Hopefully I don't scare away any potential clients with my hair color choice.

Was this a mistake?

Happy Sunday!

2009-10-11T18:16:00.001-07:00

On the way to church today, my heart was POUNDING! I mean, POUNDING! And tears started to form.....so I absolutely knew I could not say no to sharing my testimony with my church. Every first Sunday (with the exception of two out of the year because of special conferences) are set aside for the church members to fast and give thanks to their Heavenly Father. We also have the opportunity, if we would like, to go share our testimonies with the rest of the congregation.

I have felt impressed for quite sometime to share my testimony...but never felt as much of an urge to get up there as today. And of course, I bawled my eyes out...but every word I spoke up there I felt inspired to share....even if it was very personal to me.

What a spiritual high today! I have felt great all day! After the meeting, a lot of people gave me hugs and told me how important it was to share what I did...especially since there were people investigating the church there that day. I only hope I did not scare them away with my words! (and my blubbering tears!!)

Afterward, I went to ward choir and then went to a meeting for my Young Women's presidency. Came home, cooked some dinner, watched some football...and then an old friend from high school comes knocking on my door! It was so fun to catch up with him! His mom and dad still live in Montclair and just three houses down from me...so back in May when we were working on the fence, his dad walked by and Patric talked with him and then told him that I knew his son....anyways...for some reason today his dad asked him at dinner (and granted Aaron, his name, does not live with his parents...he is a successful broker who lives on the MD/DC state line...but he does see his parents quite often, or talks with them on the phone) if he remembers a Sasha...and Aaron said he did...and then decided to come say hi! It was so fun catching up with him! It is good to know that some of my friends are doing well! But, he also walked away with about 20 business cards of mine, a lead for my mom and told me that he was going to be sending me leads since he knows of at least 5 people that need a bookkeeper.

Now...I will not hold my breath...but I absolutely know that bigger things are in store for me, when it comes to my business...they just are. And I do not think it is just coincidence that he dad asked him about me TODAY...when we first met him back in May.

I think the angels in heaven recorded my testimony and that Heavenly Father blessed me for finally listening to the pounding in my chest. Too bad I didn't go up earlier! Even if I do not get any business from talking with an old friend...it was SO nice to catch up with him! And I mean, we talked about relationships, religion, politics...you name it! He is a great guy and it makes me happy to know he is doing well.

Now if you will excuse me...Im gonna go heat up some apple pie and eat it a la mode!

Fall Weather

2009-09-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Fall weather has come! On the days that I am not working, I like to take Josh to the park. Today I went to the park with Mary and then two other friends showed up! How fun! Josh planted a kiss on 10 month old Nadira and ran around with Maggie and Charlotte. Ladies man I tell ya! I joke that if he tells me later in life that he is gay I am going to flat out tell him he is a LIAR! He is ALWAYS all over the girls!!

We got to go to the Muse and U2 concert last night. I was in heaven for about 45 minutes. Muse is absolutely AMAZING!! U2 was good as well, but Muse is like a smidgen lower than Pink Floyd in my eyes. Their music is magical, and they are great live. I always say that if you are not good live, then you are not a good musician....cause computers can easily change something to make the cd sound good. I felt so alive last night...it was a well needed night...though I am VERY tired this morning! Josh woke me up. Patric and I always joked that it would be weird to have a little one come in our room to wake us up in the morning, and it has finally started.

Josh hanging out with Charlotte and Nathaniel. Look how happy he is!
He would NOT smile for me!
Sharing his snacks with Nadira. I still can't believe he knocked her over and gave her a kiss. I asked him today if he wants a brother or a sister (when we actually get pregnant) and he said sister. He always says sister...and the funny thing is, I feel like it will be a girl next....
I can't believe how big he looks in this picture. Where did my baby go? At least he is smiling here!
He is truly a joy to have around. I miss him when I have to work, but he is in good hands and enjoys his time with Ella.

Anyway--life is good...not too much to complain about right now. We hope soon to be expecting, so please keep us in your prayers!

September already??

2009-09-07T12:19:00.000-07:00

The month of August just BLEW BY! Actually...the entire year has just gone by in a flash...it feels like just yesterday we were putting away the Christmas decorations...now it is September, and I am feeling the Christmas spirit already starting (its that whole, change of the seasons, cooler weather thing).

So--to update a bit--

We went on vacation. It was an ok vacation...not GREAT! The weather kind of sucked and I just felt a lack of something there this year. I don't know what it was. When people asked me how it was, I say it was fine...but it was definitely too short. Patric and I are looking into getting our own place next year though, as I like my own space a little more now than I used to.

The rest of August was spent dealing with plumbing issues in our house and cutting down a tree...and my birthday! I am 26 now. I had always envisioned after having Josh that I would have another baby by 26...but here I am without another baby...but we are hopeful that when we try again the baby will be a healthy one. I am scared to try again though...

I have lost over 40 lbs now and can actually fit into a size 4! Never in my life have I fit into a size 4 and I certainly did not believe I would ever fit into one after having a kid! My hard work has definitely paid off...and I feel SO much better about myself.

I have had to work a lot outside of the home and leave Josh with my family or friends to watch. It has been tough to do so, but if our plans work out the way we want, Patric will be able to quit his job next year and we can run the business together. I received my EA card in the mail last week...so I am officially an EA. From now on, I will be signing EVERYTHING Sasha C. Andersson, EA. Only kidding...but it does feel good to have that completed. Now I just need to focus on marketing myself more and not be afraid to talk to people about my business.

Here are some pictures of what is going on with us!

Patric bought this outfit for me for my birthday.
I took this picture the other day and I really liked it. I feel like I look HOT in this picture...and believe me, I have felt so low about myself for SO LONG!
Josh appreciates shoes..he does not care what type they are, he likes to put them on (or more like he likes to put on his daddy and mommy's shoes...not his own). I think he especially likes my boots because he kept going back for these...so I took a picture! This is his "I DID IT" pose...it is not the first time he has made this pose. Look at July's posting when we were working on the fence...
These are our second set of roses in this house. Patric bought me 4 rose bushes last year and they all died...so we took them back to Meadow's farms and got 2 (they give you 1/2 price of the item that dies...so we only got 2). I have cared for these roses all summer. I bought special rose food, watered them, picked off their bad leaves and admired them. They are doing MUCH BETTER than the roses last year. I hope that they will survive the winter!
Close up shot of Josh at the beach. He had a lot of fun with his cousins this year.
Anyone who knows Josh knows he LOVES Yo Gabba Gabba. I could not help but take a picture of him sleeping with two of his "friends" Toodee and Plex.
The kids playing in the sand at the beach.
The kids playing in the boat at the beach.
I actually used this photo for a scrap book page, so I played with the coloring a bit. It was a gloomy day on the beach...so the lighting was not great.
Josh and Sage playing. The cousins dug man holes that week...this was just one of them.

Til next time!

I passed!!!

2009-08-01T18:37:00.000-07:00

So I passed my final exam for the EA license. I will send in my application and money on Monday and hope to get my Enrolled Agent card in the mail within two months. It is such a relief to be done with it. I was very nervous about this exam...it covered so many more topics and law. It feels so good that it is done!

We also got great new renters moved into our house on August 1. When I start to complain about my life, August 1, 2009 will be a day that I need to come back and remember. I know that I was blessed today!

July!

2009-07-20T08:59:00.001-07:00

Wow! Things have been a rollercoaster here in the Andersson home. Thankfully, the fence is complete. Patric did a beautiful job...I must say his fence looks better than most of the fences in Montclair...

The 4th of July, we put Josh in the bike parade that Montclair holds every year. He got to enjoy it with two of his cousins and his best friend Ella. After that, we went over to the firestation because they were having an open house. Josh got to get in the big firetruck and put on the heavy helmet that they wear. He got to bring a souvenir one home. He loves it! Then we went over to the pool to relax and cool off and then went to my mom's house for some food. We finished the day off with fireworks on the golf course and then we went home and set some of our own off. Josh is enjoying more and more things and it is fun to see his reaction to all the traditions I grew up with.

Some pictures of the bike parade.

Here are some pictures of Josh playing at the firestation-

Patric is still a kid too!

This helmet probably weighed more than Josh did!
I love this picture. Perfect sky, perfect little boy!

So, other than the 4th of July...this month has been plagued with me studying and losing my mind on several occasions. 2009 has not been an easy one for Sasha Andersson. Having two miscarriages kinda threw me for a loop...and then add on top of that no raise for Patric this year, the economy sucking hard for some of my clients which in turn makes it difficult for me, my townhouse going up for rent in August with nobody interested in renting it yet and the desire to have another baby on top of studying for the final exam for my EA license has made my head feel like it is going to explode. I feel like I am bullied sometimes by Heavenly Father...but it just pushes me to see how much I can take.

This past Thursday I think was my breaking point though. I was a freakin mess! And in the midst of my break down, I had to switch gears when my phone rang and a number showed up that I did not recognize. I went from crying and screaming to, "Hello this is Sasha" in my best professional voice. Luckily I picked up the phone because the person on the other line had an offer I couldn't refuse!

I met with this company on Friday and will start cleaning up some books on Tuesday for a client on theirs. I am a contract bookkeeper for a financial consulting firm. This is a HUGE break for us that will bring in good income and hopefully more prospective clients. After Patric's news of not getting a raise and the crappy insurance that he has through his company (we had to pay over 1,000 for the ectopic pregnancy while paying over 500.00 a month for the crappy insurance) my head started pumping ideas...and this idea feels so inspired that my hair crawls when I talk about it.

I didn't know how to handle a business and two kids (one day)...and then it occured to me...get busy enough and make enough money so that Patric can work with me and quit his job. Then, we can have more flexibility to still be with our kids but make money. Soon after this decision I browsed through craigslist and have been contacting people who need bookkeepers. This is the second contact that I have heard back from and the first that I will actually work with. I am hoping that the other contact I have will email me back soon. The goal is to have Patric quit by the next July (when I hope to be having a second baby)...but secretly I would love it if he could quit by January. Though...it would be good to get ahead a bit instead of just surviving.

So that is where we are at. I start doing sub work for my client on Tuesday. It is bittersweet because I have been home with Josh uninterrupted for 2.5 years almost...and now he will be farmed out to family at this point. When the summer is over, I will probably have to find someone who will take him on an hourly basis because it will not always be the same hours each week.

Life is good. It isn't easy...but I feel very blessed with the contact I have gotten. It is such a GREAT opportunity and a way to get my name out there even more.

June!

2009-06-09T13:25:00.000-07:00

June is here and I know that it is going to be a tough month. We are only 1.5 weeks into it and I am exhausted!! I got some motivation again, after everything that happened the last month and a half, and decided to sign up to take the last test for my EA. I take it August 1. I wanted to take it BEFORE I went on vacation...hopefully I will pass! I passed the other two, so I am hopeful that I will pass this one as well. Though this test has more and harder material.

So--the studying for the test started on June 1. I will study every weekday until the exam. I will study on the weekends if needed. On top of studying (which takes a toll on me pretty quickly when I am working, taking care of Josh, and trying to run my household) I am also training for the swim part of a relay triathlon AND potty training Josh. I really took on a lot at once! It keeps me motivated and driven though...and life is NOT boring right now. Too much is going on to be boring!! Also--my efforts in the gym have continued to pay off...I have lost another 10 lbs. Only 12 more to go until I reach my goal. If I lose after that, I will be happy...but I will not worry so much about what the scale says once I get to my goal...I will probably focus even more on toning up.

On top of all that, we are putting up a fence...by ourselves...with the help thus far from our friend Brad and my stepdad Charlie. We have almost all of the posts up, with the exception of 2 or 3. It is a LONG project...and the weather has not cooperated much. I will be happy when that is done!

We also decided to join the Montclair Country Club. Josh LOVES swimming...and I didnt want to have to rely on my mom every time I wanted to go to the pool...so we joined. And luckily, they waived the entire initiation fee because my mom is a member! Woohoo! They also gave her a month free on her dues because I put her name as my reference. We only joined the swimming portion, because we don't have the money to fork out on the golfing...but the person who signed me up said that we could go twice a month and just pay green fees. I was pretty excited to hear about that and Patric was even more excited!

I can't believe it is June already! April was a blur...as you can imagine and May flew by as well. As time passes, I feel more and more ok about what happened. I am still VERY bummed that we do not have a little one on the way...but everything does happen for a reason and I am hopeful that I will find out that reason some time soon. I always said I didn't want a July or August baby, but we don't get to even start trying until October, so that would make a July baby if I got pregnant...and I am perfectly ok with that! If you have more than one kid and are reading this...when you start to complain about how hard it is with two...remember that there are people out there who want more and maybe do not have any at all...yes motherhood is hard...but it is SO rewarding as well...and I can only hope that I will have another one. Josh is such a joy to me...even in his worst of moods he can make me smile. I love that little guy and honestly would not mind having more JUST like him. He is so easy going and adapts to EVERYTHING so easily. This potty training thing has been a breeze. He rarely has accidents...he just amazes me every day.

Anyway--I better stop before I cry...

Here are some pictures of the little helper while we were working on the fence. It had rained like all week, so I put him in clothes that were ok to get dirty because he was going to get filthy...which he did!

Patric and Josh measuring.

Josh yelling "I did it!" I am not sure why he started yelling this...but it is one of my favorite phrases he says.
He picked this up all by himself. He is such a strong boy.
Notice the clover in his hand. He ALWAYS picks flowers when we are outside...sometimes he goes for my roses!! Drives me nuts...but it is pretty cute as well.

Memorial Day Weekend - Sunday

2009-05-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

Well--

The final day here in NC. To say I am bummed about going home is an understatement. When I booked the vacation, I felt a little overwhelmed by the cost of it, but knew once I got to NC that I wouldn't care anymore, and it is true. It was worth every penny to come down here and relax...and even moreso, to be here with some friends who are also going through a tough time. Not that I am happy about the situation they are going through, but the thoughts that I have and that my friend have make me feel more normal. It was nice to just talk openly and honestly with someone who knew exactly how I was feeling. And I must say...she is much farther in her grieving process than I, or stronger than me! I was SO nice to hang out again! We hope to see them again soon.

Today was filled with the beach the entire day. We got on the beach around 10am and went in for lunch around 1230. Josh was REALLY grumpy, and we didn't give him a nap yesterday or the day before, so we figured we should try to get him to sleep today. Thankfully he did take a nap without any resistance. Patric was kind enough to stay in the house so that I could go down to the beach with Anthrea. We were on the beach for a good 2 hours just hanging out and talking...oh and getting burned! Gotta love the sun and the burn though...burns turn to tans right?? Then Anthrea and Andy left and we ate some dinner. After dinner we debated as to whether we would drive home tonight or go home tomorrow. I am really tired from all the relaxing I have been doing and decided that I didn't want to go home. Why rush back to reality right? So we went on a walk on the beach and then got off the beach and walked on the road. After the walk we put Josh down and Patric went to DQ to give me my gluttonous sugar fix! That was the last ice cream either of us will eat for awhile...so I surely hope Patric enjoyed it!

I am so sad to be going back home tomorrow. I hope the traffic isn't too bad.

Here are some pictures of today---
The first step of making a Josh sized sand castle. Pack the castle shape full of sand.

Turn the castle shape over...
Make sure the shape is steady and sturdy on the sand.

Lift and see your results.

Josh and Patric playing in the water.

He is TOTALLY my kid. He absolutely LOVES the beach. It was such a fun trip and a warm up for our family trip in August.
Here is me in my glory. I probably should not have been wearing this swim suit, as my body is not all that great...but whatever. I wanted to tan my stretch marks...which you can't really see in this picture, but they are there!! AND THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM! Sorry...I am just so bummed still about them...I need to figure out how to get rid of them so I can feel more confident in a bathing suit.

Us being silly.
We asked Anthrea to take some pics of us before they went home. Too bad I didn't bother to dry my hair and Patric and Josh hadn't showered yet...so the pictures weren't all that great.

Anyway--it was a great Memorial Day Weekend. We will miss the beach, but will be back soon!

Memorial Day Weekend - Saturday

2009-05-24T10:00:00.001-07:00

I woke up at 430, 530, and then again at 630 on Saturday. I finally decided to get up at 630 and walk over to the beach. It was the beginning of a beautiful day. Patric said that we should drive the car around to charge the battery. It almost didn't start again, and then when we parked further down the island to see the house we were renting in August and the beach around it..the car almost didn't start again. So--we decided to get a new battery. After we bought the battery, and got it installed, we were ready to enjoy the beach again. We ate our lunch and went down to the beach for some sun, sand and relaxation. Anthrea and Andy came down again and decided to stay the night as well. It has been very nice to be with good friends again. We have missed them a lot. For dinner, we kept it low key and did soup, sandwiches and salad. After dinner, Anthrea and I watched some movies and Patric and Andy went fishing. Unfortunately, they did not catch anything! After that, it was time for some much needed sleep!

Here are some pictures of the day--
The walkway we take to get to the beach.

Josh playing with his sand toys. *Disclaimer* I have been wearing a bikini to see how my stretch marks look with a tan. Not quite sure I have ANY business wearing one...but whatever...
Josh hard at work!
Josh in a hole someone dug. He liked playing with it.

Then daddy decided it would be fun to get in as well!

Memorial Day Weekend - Friday

2009-05-22T15:07:00.000-07:00

So--

We hit the road for Memorial Day weekend and went to our favorite beach in North Carolina...Topsail Island. We were worried as we got in the car, all packed with our stuff, at 5:45 and the car seemed like it wasn't going to start! I had a feeling the day before that we were going to have battery problems...but I didn't listen to those intuitions. Good thing it did start though, and we were on our way. We got to the beach around 11:30. We went over to the rental office to see if we could get into the house, even though check in isn't until 3pm...they said we could get in like 20 mins later, so we went over to a shop and I bought a new swim suit. I bought two tops for the suit...one that is family friendly, and one that isn't. I REALLY want to see how my stretchmarks look tanned...and since I am small enough (at least in my head) to wear a two piece...I actually wore the bikini top. I must say...I wore it well.

We spent the rest of the afternoon lounging on the beach, hanging out with Anthrea and Andy who drove down from Jacksonville...and just hanging out. I am SO happy we made this trip. It is nice to be at the beach, with good friends, and relaxing.

Next up is NY Style Pizza at my favorite place on the island!

I took more video of today, and I don't think I can post that (or I don't know how to), then pictures...but here are the ones I took. Not the greatest but whatever!

Here is the house we rented. It isn't ocean front (cause that is much more expensive) but it is nice and only one row back.
The rest of the pics are of Patric and Josh. Josh was CRAZY in the water. He LOVED it!

I hope to get more pictures tomorrow! Maybe even some of me!

Dennis visits, kite flying, and a BIG BOY BED!!

2009-05-02T11:42:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, we had the opportunity to have Patric's brother, Dennis visiting. Josh LOVES his Uncle Debbid (as he pronounced it). I was dealing with the second dose of methotrexate so I was not able to visit as much as Josh and Patric...which I am totally bummed about...but we will see Dennis again soon, I hope. I think Patric REALLY enjoyed having Dennis here. On Monday he was bummed that his brother was gone.

A couple of weeks ago, I took Josh to the park and there was a dad and son flying a kite. He kept saying over and over again that he wanted a kite. I told him that he needs to ask his daddy to buy a kite. So for a week, he kept asking over and over again, "buy a kite?" So we gave in and bought a kite. The day we chose to fly it, there was not very much wind....but Dennis was here and it seemed like a fun thing to do.

Here are some pictures of his visit...unfortunately we didn't think to get good family pictures while he was here, and we regret not getting any good shots of him and Josh.

Dennis came equipped with gifts for Josh for his birthday. He gave two books that I will not be able to read to him! One day I will learn more swedish!

Here he is opening the cool toy car made out of wood. Josh loves to drive it around the house. It was VERY hot...especially for April..so that is why Josh is all flushed. It was in the 90s!! I LOVED it!
This is the only picture I have of Dennis from the entire weekend....and it is of him taking pictures too! Oh well...clearly Patric is flying the kite.

Giving the control to Josh. He is such a big boy!

And now for his big boy bed...He has been taking his clothes off during nap time. Generally I dont care, but if he pees in his crib it is a big hassle to clean up. I read on the internet that if you get them out of a crib and in a big boy bed, and put a potty in their room, they may get up and use the potty. Unfortunately, that was not the case...and Josh STILL takes off his clothes...but he has only peed once this week in his big boy bed. I was a little worried that he wasn't going to stay in his bed...but he is so proud to be such a big boy that he has not attempted to get out since the first nap time...which my mom had to take care of because I had to go to the doctor to get my second dose of methotrexate.

He sleeps just as long at night and during his naps (though I think he naps EVEN better in his big boy bed). Patric and I feel so blessed that we have such an EASY kid when it comes to change. We took down the crib and never looked back..it has been a week now and things are GREAT!

Look at that smile! This picture was taken when we put his bed in his room for the first time. You gotta love Ikea...this bed is short for him now...but will extend two more times...the last time will extend into a twin bed. Josh did fall out of the bed three times...so Patric put up wood shelves on each side of the bed. He hasn't fallen out again, but I did find him on the floor one morning sleeping...he was just having a campout on the ground.

Tucking in Donkey Kong (who he loves and got from his cousin Erik last year. Erik was visiting from Sweden and we went to Kingsdominion and he won it and gave it to Josh).

Happy Easter and other news...

2009-04-16T05:21:00.000-07:00

So Easter was this past Sunday---we also had the privilege to bless our new nephew Phoenix at church. It was a good day all in all. We traveled down to Stafford to have a delicious meal at my sister-in-law Natasha's parent's house. They always have a beautiful spread of food, and very yummy too! The setting is nice as well, as their house sits on top of a hill overlooking a lake. The weather was a bit cool, but nothing stopped those silly kids from having their Easter egg hunt.

Before going down to Stafford, we had a trial run with Josh at home. We also decorated Easter eggs with him, hence the outfit we put him in. We didn't want him to wear his nice Easter clothes and dump dye on it.

Here are some pictures of the day--
Starting his hunt...he knows right where to go!
I have wanted to take pictures at this tree since we moved into this house last year. It seems like the perfect tree to take pictures around. I like how they turned out!
Patric likes to put Josh in trees and take pictures.
I love this picture of Patric. My hot husband!
Josh loves his daddy. We didn't even tell him to kiss Patric...he just did it because he loves him!
Seeing what to do next to his egg!

On other news---

So I didn't have a miscarriage...I have an ectopic pregnancy. This means that the baby attached into somewhere other than the uterus...probably my right fallopian tube. They figured this out yesterday when I went to the doctor and my hormone levels had only dropped by 8 since the previous week...and I was rushed to radiology to get a better ultrasound machine. When she was doing the internal ultrasound she found a spot on my right side that was so painful. I didn't feel that pain at all through the two weeks I have been going through this hell...but she had to get good shots. She was a good sonographer!

So today I go to the doctor to get a shot of methotrexate, which is chemotherapy. I am hopeful that this will get rid of the cells in my tube and will be able to keep my tube from bursting. Now that I know I am a ticking time bomb it is kind of scary. I was working out hard core these past two weeks, not only to lose weight, but to just kinda get over what I am going through. It has been an emotional rollercoaster...depending on the time of day, I could be very positive or very lonely.

My doctor said I would have to wait 6 months to try to conceive again because the methotrexate kills off the hcg cells, but I have read online that it could be 3-6 months. I am hopeful that they will run tests at 3 months and if everything is clear that we can try then...which would be in line with when we wanted to try again away. The only thing I can think of as to why I had an ectopic pregnancy is because of scarring from my c-section with Josh. Hopefully this will not happen again!

My hcg levels are only at over 300, so that is good as well because there is not much in there that will need to be lowered with this shot. My levels were just over 600 when I started this process...so my body did half of the battle...it just needs a little push to get the war done.

My friend Mary called me last night and we talked about blogging and everything...and she made a good point to me about blogging...that it is something to have for the future. I wish that I would have blogged more when Josh was first born...of course I was a little busy with a newborn...but I am trying to keep this more updated now...not only for us but also for family in Sweden!

It's cherry blossom time!

2009-04-06T13:33:00.000-07:00

Patric and I decided that we were going to go to see the Cherry Blossoms in DC this weekend. We have had a hard week...I had my 2nd miscarriage of the year...back to back...so we knew that we needed to get out of the house and enjoy the beautiful weather while we could. There were a lot of people, and I was in a bit of pain, but all in all it was a good time. I think Josh really liked seeing all of the trees and people. He was AWESOME the entire time we were there. He is such a good kid!

Here are some pictures of the day--

I just love this picture. I want to blow it up and put it somewhere in my house!

I love this smile! He is my handsome little boy!
I love the cherry blossoms. The trees were gorgeous and the weather was perfect!
A nice woman just walking by asked if we wanted her to take some pictures of us. She said she always felt bad for young families. It was nice to have a few pictures of all of us together!
He didn't cooperate with getting a good smiling picture...but I will settle with this one. He is saying that he wants to cuddle more and more...probably because I tell him I want to cuddle with him all the time. Sometimes I miss that little newborn who cuddled with me all day!

This is probably the most flattering picture of me of the day. The rest of the pictures I think I look tired...and I am.

So--while there is so much beauty around me, I was wallowing in my sorrow. I don't understand all that Heavenly Father has in store for me...but clearly He does not want me to have a child right now. The doctor did find about 10 cysts on just one of my ovaries...and I don't know what the other ovary looks like, but I suspect it isn't any better. I know that I need to lower my stress levels. I think the year 2009 has been a pretty tough one for me emotionally and even at work. The economy is hurting so many people around me...we are still staying afloat, but it is scary when we rely on other businesses to help us pay our bills.

Anyway--

We are taking a break from trying to have kids. We know that it is not difficult for us to get pregnant anymore...since we got pregnant on the first and second try...but we just want to find out what is going on with me. And I am going to use this time to lose more weight and be even more healthy for the next pregnancy.