Do you want more?

For the most part, I have NEVER been asked about how many children I want, when I was going to have another one etc....EXCEPT for now! I feel like EVERYONE is asking me if I want more, if Josh is going to be an only child, or what? Now, I know not everyone knows my history...but c'mon..enough is enough! YES! YES! YES! I want more children...I would have already HAD another child...he/she would have been 5 months right now...or 4 months if the SECOND pregnancy of 2009 didn't stick in my fallopian tubes!

So there it is universe....SASHA WANTS MORE CHILDREN! AND SHE WOULD LIKE THEM NOW!

My HSG test came back normal...no blockages. It didn't hurt too bad either, I took a lot of pain killers before, so perhaps that had something to do with it. I honestly just want to think about something OTHER than having more kids...but so many people (and these are people that don't know me well or even strangers) make it quite hard to do so.

Of course, I talk to some close friends about my struggles because I can't keep it all inside. Hopefully years from now I will be able to look back on these times with laughter and understanding.

My little Josh is not so little anymore. But I know he wants a sibling.

I also decided I would not take a pregnancy test until like the end of April...that way if my cycle is all messed up from the HSG I will not get my hopes up and take a million tests (which I actually don't do anyway) just to be disappointed.

One day I will have more children. Obviously not in the time frame I wanted, but more children will be in my life. And at least that gives me comfort.

Here are some pictures of the last couple of weeks/month-
Since Josh was featured on Brendan's website, I felt it only proper to show a picture of him on ours. This was from like a month ago I think while I was watching him for a couple of hours.


A good hair day always deserves a picture!

Happy Birthday Josh!

Happy Spring! I took a lot of pictures of these bad boys growing in my back yard. I love violets, I think they are a perfect flower!

And with that, I need to give the child I DO have, a hug, a kiss and some lunch because, according to him, HE'S HUNGRY!

Difference between men and women

So--I call this morning to make an appointment for my HSG. The first place I call...I get a man on the other end of the phone. He asks me what cycle day I am on...I tell him. He says I am supposed to call on CD 1. I didn't even contact my obgyn until CD 3 to let her know I wanted this test done. He says they are all booked but I could call the center in DC and see if they have an opening. I beg him to see if there are any openings...he says no...call back on CD 1 next month. UGH! Screw you...bye.

I call the KP center in DC. I get a woman on the other end. She says they are booked too...but will see if other medical centers do the HSG test. I wait for about 5 minutes...then she comes back and says...we will squeeze you in at 1130.

Booyah...no waiting until next month for me...I had to change some things around with my schedule this week...but I will be going into DC for something other than work this week...JOY!

Luckily Patric will take the day off to be with me. Now to have someone take Josh!

Clearly the angels up above are hearing me...or my persistence is really good! Normally I would just have said, oh DC...no way...but I have been going into DC at least once a week for like 6 months...it is a piece of cake now!

Happy Birthday Little Man!

Three years old! I have a three year old! When did this happen?? I remember my belly (and weight) growing and growing for nine months. I distinctly remember the hospital and all the crap I went through to have you. But after that...it just all has gone TOO fast!! You are speaking in complete sentences...you carry full on conversations with us. You are potty trained -- which by the way, you have gone five nights without peeing in your pull up either! I wasn't even planning on potty training you until you were three...and here we are...at three and you are fully potty trained!! You have always wanted to be older than you are. You started crawling a little earlier than 5 months. You slept like a champ from the very beginning. You took your first steps a week before you were 1, in Sweden! We will never forget that. And after those first steps you just took off!

You love to sing. You start singing songs and I have to figure out what you are singing...and then when I do I am shocked that you even know the song...and that well! Your absolute favorite song right now is, as you call it, "Birds flying high"...you like either version, Feeling Good by Michael Buble or by Muse. You have been singing a lot of "Father and Son" by Cat Stevens lately...probably because I have been playing it a lot on the guitar. Actually right at this second, you are singing "Plug in baby" by Muse. NOTHING makes me smile bigger than your love for music! It is our bond!

You have an unhealthy love for stickers...much to your father's demise. I give you more and more stickers...because you love them and they keep you happy...even though you get them ALL OVER THE HOUSE!

You love your friends. Ella, Brendan, Talen, Sage, Collin, Parker etc. Even though Sage is your cousin, you consider her a best friend...though your love sometimes annoys her.

Josh...you are my sweet little boy. You thanked your daddy and I several times this morning for the presents. You are wise beyond your years. You are a gift to us...and we feel VERY blessed to have you as our son.

A year in review...from two to three...ugh..three...I will say it again, can you PLEASE stop growing...I miss my baby! (Which you have made perfectly clear to me now that you are NOT a baby...you are a big boy).

The obsession begins. Your 2nd birthday, we bought you Toodee. Now you have all of them!
Some of my very favorite pictures of you were taken on this day.

HSG..oh my!

So--it is no secret that I do not like doctors...I try as hard as I can to stay away from them....especially after having to go to the doctor every other day (get blood drawn) for about two weeks last April. My doctor wanted me to get an HSG done after I healed from it, during the summer. It slipped (I tried to forget about the trauma) my mind...until we started trying for another baby again. Here we are, about 6 months of trying, to no avail. Back in November, I decided I probably needed to get an HSG...but kept talking myself out of it. I kept saying, next month, next month.

Well.,..this month ttc was so different. I enjoyed it. And I quite honestly thought that it could be it too! I even was a day late...but then the witch showed her EVIL face...and well...I'm not pregnant. I took last month much better than I did this month, I didn't even shed a tear last month. I freakin BAWLED my eyes out and said, THAT IS IT...NO MORE TRYING! Josh is it and furthermore, I am going to just make tons of money and forget all about trying to have more children (I could make a lot of money if I didn't worry so much about having another child...but since I know I want another child, I hold back on my business...though business is booming right now...I can't complain too much...much better than last year and the year before, as long as I have growth things are going well).

Then...thoughts of the HSG came back this morning. And since, if you know me, you know I hate calling people (if you ever receive a phone call from me, you should feel VERY special), I emailed my OBGYN to beg her to refer me to get an HSG. I was surprised how quickly I heard back from my favorite nurse there. Last year, as she was poking both sides of my butt cheeks with a strong dose of chemo therapy to kill the thing growing in my fallopian tube, I joked with her saying "Don't you think we should go out to drinks or something before you see my butt?" (Just like me to joke during one of the most traumatic things to happen to me, both physically and emotionally...getting over the ectopic was SO MUCH harder physically on me then the c-section...perhaps it was due to the lack of good drugs...they weren't allowed because they would interfere with the chemo). Anyway, the nurse said she would send my email to my doctor directly and see what she advises.

I heard back from Dr. R this evening, via email. A woman after my own heart. She said that she put the order in for the HSG and that I should call on Monday to find out where to go. I didn't even need to come in to see her...another reason why I love her! I did attempt to make an appointment with her...but she is always booked (and for good reason, clearly)...and I did make an appointment for late April...after this cycle would be done...but perhaps I will be able to cancel it now.

The next step is to get the HSG. Hopefully it will give me the answers I need. I hope it won't be HORRIBLE news...but I suspect something will come up in it....which is why I have had thoughts about getting one done for so long.

Go here for more information on what one is...it won't be a fun procedure...

http://www.advancedfertility.com/hsg.htm

Happy 6 years!

Today Patric and I celebrate six years of marriage!! We have had lots of ups and downs, but we are still standing...and happier than ever! I am grateful that I had the guts to ask him to go on a walk through Old Town Alexandria and even more grateful that he said yes. I tore him away from his party to be with only me...can we say attention whore?

Ever since that walk, Patric and I have been together. It hasn't always been easy...and if you knew us while we dated you probably would wonder how we even made it to our wedding day...but here we are, six years later. We have a beautiful son, a beautiful home (and a rental we would like to get rid of), employment, a little bit of savings, plenty of debt (well...not TOO much debt), our Faith, and complete and utter trust in ourselves and our Maker. I am sure I have grown more in these six years than Patric has, but I have never been happier in my life than I am now.

I love you Patric...regardless of all the jokes I may say...you are my rock! I couldn't imagine going through the last year without you by my side. I hope to have many many many many many more wonderful years with you!

Here are some of my favorite pictures throughout the year--

Our engagement photo---it was SO cold that day...so we made the picture black and white to hide our red noses



One of the only digital wedding photos we have







Why did I ever cut my hair??


Seriously---why do they have to grow up?? Sage at 9 months, Josh at like 5 days old





Keeping this life in perspective...


Clearly pregnant...look at the book...


Carlie as a puppy---poor dog has to put up with all our clothes...and shoes..


I could just keep going.

Sasha