Thoughts

So...I have like three different blogs that I keep, one anonymous one, one I haven't written on in over a year and this one. I decided that I don't want to have to use different ones anymore. I have used this blog as a journal almost, since I haven't used a journal in about 8 years...and it has been on my mind to write down an experience I had this week.

I'm not going to lie...I have not been the best prayer in a long time. Call it bitterness, call it disobedience...whatever...the facts are, we go through the motions of family prayer for Josh, but I have not really done personal prayer in over two months. This Monday I decided to pray. It was a simple and short prayer, but a pleading one. It is no secret to the entire world that I want a baby. I never thought the journey to get another baby would be so long! We started trying in December of 2008...it is August 2010! Granted, yes, I did get pregnant...TWICE...and then had to take time off of trying..but regardless, I would have had a baby right now had either of those pregnancies been viable. I told Patric while we were on vacation (cause of course I would get my period on vacation!...its ok, so did every women that still get's theirs, so we were all a bloody mess...haha!), that I just didn't want to try anymore. Getting my hopes up every month has sucked and I go to church sad and I don't want to have those feelings anymore. So we decided to get healthy and lose weight and if we got to our goal weights we would take a vacation, just the two of us. I already gave my mom the heads up that she would have to take Josh.

Fast forward to Monday night...I pray. I simply ask that if I am going to have another baby to please let someone around me that is more in tune with the spirit let me know. Tuesday morning Josh and I are in the shower. He kind of says something shyly, and if you know my son he is NOT shy, I think I hear what he says but ask him to repeat himself. He says "Jesus says you are going to have a baby soon." Now...I have talked with Josh about wanting a baby and he has said some stuff before...a lot of the time when I ask him if I am pregnant (when I am in the dreaded two week wait), he will say "Not Yet...Jesus hasn't told me yet". Tuesday morning in the shower, we were not talking about babies...it was completely out of the blue. Now, one can chalk it up to coincidence, because I think that Josh wants a baby sister (as he always says he has a baby sister) just as much as Patric and I want a baby daughter, but since I have deliberately not been talking about babies in the last week or so...I don't think this was a coincidence.

I hope that Josh is right and that Jesus isn't messing with my kid or me. This glimmer of hope has calmed me a bit. I was talking with Patric last night about the experience and he said...well how soon is soon? And I reminded him of a blessing he gave me back in the spring of 2006 where he talked about a baby that would come soon...we got pregnant in June of 2006...so you do the math. Hopefully this means the wait will soon be over.

In other news -

Patric got a physical(because I also wanted him to get his fertility checked...which we haven't done and may not do...but we have the cup just in case ; ) ) and his good cholesterol was too low and he was just a point or two too high in his glucose levels. The doctor told him the best way to fix all this was exercise! Thank you Doctor...something I have been pleading with him to do basically since Josh was born! It has been one of our biggest fights...since Patric is so much older than me, I want him to take care of himself.

Well...finally something has clicked. I don't know if it is because he REALLY wants to go on a trip with me without Josh (remember, I have to lose weight too) or he just really wants to be healthy...but he has already lost 4 lbs and has worked out every morning this week. Granted, I have worked out every day this week as well, but I haven't lost 4 lbs. It's nice to work on a goal together and have a fun treat when we reach it. In the beginning of the year, we tried to make it a competition, but that failed because we weren't working together. Granted, if I get pregnant I will have to drop out...and then we fully rely on Patric to meet his weight loss goals so we can go on our trip. If I don't get pregnant during the time we are losing weight...I will just look hot on my trip...so really it is a win win!

So there you go America...this is the saga that is my life right now.

I do feel very blessed in my life, and from the outside looking in, I am sure people think I have everything I want. I almost have everything I want...I just want a house full of kids too.