Relief!

I am sure that last post, if you read it, made you wonder how I am doing. I am not going to lie and say that I did not shed a tear in the last few days...because I have. I knew I wasn't pregnant the night before my period started, and I also knew that we weren't going to "try" anymore after this cycle...so I cried a little that night. And then I cried a lot the next day at my mother's when I needed to escape my house because my period started. And then I cried a lot the next day after that when I went back over to my mother's house for more comfort.

But tonight, I feel GREAT!

I feel like a weight is lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like Patric and I are finally going back to the relationship we once had. Just knowing that later on this month, when I will know I am ovulating (because I KNOW after almost two years of tracking) that I don't have to stress out about it feels great. Patric and I have been talking about going away for a weekend without Josh since about July of this year...and we are finally making that happen! My mom is willing to take Josh for the weekend in a couple of weeks so Patric and I can go to a cabin in Love, Va (I am not even kidding you) that is nestled right on the Blue Ridge Parkway in the mountains.

I am also back on track with working out...something I have been neglecting for a year now...wouldn't want to hurt any baby that may be developing right? WRONG! What a waste of a year and a waste for my waistline! Now I have to get back in shape and I am a year older...blech!

Do I think that I will never have another kid? Absolutely not. I am just choosing to not actively try anymore. I am choosing to have a better relationship with my husband. I am choosing to love my son more than anything in this world and know that I am blessed to have him. I am choosing to get healthy physically and emotionally.

Today-we had a photo session and it was fun! It was the first time we ever spent money on a photographer. When I approached her a couple of weeks ago I asked her if she can make people look like they were in love. I could pull the facebook email if you don't believe me. At that point, I felt so disconnected from Patric that I would do ANYTHING to feel connected again...even if it meant looking at pictures that would show that we were in love. Today I can say with certainty that we are in love and that the pictures are not going to show anything phony...thank goodness!

I wanted to see if I could find a divorce rate online for couples dealing with infertility problems, but I didn't find one. I did, however, find this article, and for the most part it is true for Patric and I. http://www.slate.com/id/2250361/ I am just so happy to move on from this part of my life....it hasn't been easy, but I made a promise to myself and Heavenly Father that if I was not pregnant this month that I was no longer going to be the "willing" person I have been the last two years. Will I use contraception? No! Never really have! haha...why start now?

I also worked on a little project for Patric this evening. I have had the scrapbooking itch for awhile and haven't sat down to do it. For me, it is such an ordeal to pick out the paper and decide how to lay it all out...and my patience is pretty short. I wanted to do something nice for Patric to show him my appreciation. I have been working on an alphabet book...but I took a break for Patric.

Here is the page.
So that is where I am at today.

~Sasha