BFFs!

So my good friend Valerie actually trusted me to watch her son for an entire day today. Very brave of her! I am not asked often to watch other people's children...either because they see the evil within me, or they think I am too busy (which for the most part is true, unfortunately...I am too busy to even be with Josh full time).

Anyway--I took today as an opportunity to take some pictures of Josh and Brendan, since it has been a long time since I have pulled the camera out (remember...I am busy!). Here are some shots of today...now, 3 year old boys are not the easiest people to take pictures of...but they sure are cute!


These silly boys thought I was going to let them rollerskate...I didnt!
I totally posed them...but lets pretend I didn't. AWW!

I like this shot because they weren't saying CHEESE like they did the entire time I had the camera out.

At least their shirts are on...earlier in the day they were both walking around without their shirts on.
Brendan loves water! He drank A LOT of water today!

Just my little man...walking away from me!

Oh--and I have listened to A LOT music from the "Wicked" musical today. I am convinced that I could TOTALLY rock Elphaba's songs...much to Patric's dismay I am sure...as I have been belting out:

"Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:

Seriously---doesn't that seem so like me!!

~Life~

I have been REALLY busy lately. I can't complain, it is good money and I enjoy the work. My brain has never had to work so hard as it has the last two weeks. I may take employment with this company that I have been doing consulting work with...if they offer it. There has been discussion, but nothing solid yet. They are FINALLY getting someone in there to do upper level work in the accounting department on Wednesday. I have had feelings both ways on taking employment there. I put my foot down and said I was no longer going to go in, because it was only supposed to be 3-4 weeks and then they would fill the position and I would be out of there...but I am so damn good at what I do, they started talking to me about employment there, so I did 5 total weeks in their office (well, only twice a week...but I was busy the other two days of the week and tried to keep Friday for Josh and I). My sweet friend Valerie watched Josh...but I didn't want to abuse our relationship anymore and said, either hire me or I am out.

Well...that didn't work out QUITE as I planned...but I also wasn't ready for employment with them either...and we need the money...and LUCKILY, they set me up to work from home. It is GREAT, but I have worked a lot than I was when just going two days a week. When their upper level person starts, she will be pretty much set when it comes to financials for the first quarter. I am not sure if they are going to start her automatically with all the stuff I am doing and then weed me out...or she will do something else...I dunno?? I went from 12 hours a week (well, with traveling and everything it was more like 16 hours...but only paid for 12) to about 30 a week...quite a difference! It will be nice when I get that big fat check next Saturday for 60 hours of work...I can't complain really.

Last night Patric and Josh went camping. Our church had a father-son camp out and Patric didn't get to go last year...so he made VERY sure he was going this year. Nothing I said would have stopped him...but quite honestly, it was nice to have an evening and morning to myself. It has been a long long time. Actually, it was the first night away from Josh for me. I went out with Valerie to Red Robin for dinner. I was thinking about hamburgers, like no other. I don't normally order hamburgers at Red Robin...on principal...but I went for it! I did not get a shake though, even though the devil (dressed up like the cute, petite pregnant girl Valerie) kept tempting me to do...and she took HALF of her food home. It was nice to sit and talk with Valerie though. I think that she and I have a lot in common, or at least similar experiences in life, and it is refreshing to have her in my life. She has been so good to watch Josh for me, but it is also nice to have a new friend that I can relate to. I only know what this will mean though...she is sure to move, cause that is the story of my life.

After Red Robin, I came home, and the workaholic I have become, ran payroll for the company I am working with. Then I watched One Tree Hill and Grey's Anatomy, then went to my bed and read some and fell asleep. I fell asleep at like midnight...but my stupid body is used to waking up at 6:00am, so I got up but then went back to sleep until 7:00...then read in bed for a bit. Went for a run (which was beautiful), mowed my lawn and then showered up. As I was coming down to read some more, my little family was home again. Josh and Patric had a REALLY good time. I am happy that Josh fell asleep in the tent. I have a feeling more camping trips are in our future. I sat (or rather laid) on my porch swing reading some more. I am reading "The Choice". I have borrowed it for a long time from Ann...so I figured I better read it and give it back. I am enjoying it...I love a good romance novel set in North Carolina. I think my heart resides on the beaches of North Carolina...so reading Nicholas Sparks books makes me feel like I am there. I may not even get to the ocean this year, which actually makes me quite sad...but Patric's grandma turns 100 this year and he wants to go to Sweden.

I have a new idea for an experiment...but I am not going to start the experiment until the last week of May....stay tuned. I am crazy for even thinking about it...but I have to do something to get my mind off of things.

So there you are...that is my life for the past week or so. Nothing too exciting.

Oh...and we are now completely obsessed with Michael Buble in this house...thanks to Josh.

Music

I listen to music a lot when I am feeling down. I have been super busy lately, which is great, but the busy times do not take away my sadness.

Peter Gabriel is an amazing singer and this song is so powerful. Back when Patric and I were engaged we fought a lot (we fought a lot when we were dating too, but while engaged those two months I had a lot of animosity towards getting married...even though I was the one pushing it)....anyway, I listed to "Don't give up" for like an entire day.

I have listened to a lot of it today as well...as I am feeling down.

My favorite part of the song is :

'got to walk out of here
I can't take anymore
Going to stand on that bridge
Keep my eyes down below
Whatever may come
And whatever may go
That river's flowing
That river's flowing



Pretty sad to think that is my favorite part...but when he sings it it is so powerful..it encompasses a lot of my thoughts.

If you are a friend reading this...don't worry!! I am not suicidal, I could never ever ever do that to my son or husband. I just have a lot of unanswered questions and more than that, I am questioning a lot of things too....my head is spinning. Perhaps it is just from being too busy.

We had a great time with friends here....I am sad they are gone. I saw how happy Patric was with his best friend here. I think he really misses having a best friend like Rickard...they are special souls with a shared past. My husband is more brave than I. I can't even move three miles from my mom...my husband moved thousands of miles away from home and all that he knew. I wish I had that kind of courage. I wish I could just make big changes in my life that included a big move to somewhere unknown to me....somewhere where know one knew me or my struggles or past.

Sorry for the sullen post. I can't always be butterflies and rainbows (let's face it...I never really am anyway)