End of year thoughts.

Warning---very truthful thoughts will be flowing from my fingertips.

The end of 2009. Boy am I glad to see this year just be over. Just about 12 more hours until it is 2010. It was NOT a happy, joyous year for me. I did have a lot of good things happen this year, but the loss of two pregnancies kind of set the tone for me for the year. I tried to stay positive, keep the tears just to myself...but it is still hard. I was hoping to end the year right and be pregnant...but alas, there is no baby in my belly...and not even a hope that one would be coming. I am back to where I was last year, and that scares me. I found out I was pregnant in February...and my cycle started in December...so yeah...it has been a year since my first miscarriage of the year started. And then to have an ectopic after that...two happy times RIPPED from me. The positive of not being pregnant now, I suppose, is that it can't be taken away.

We have on our goal board that we will have a baby in 2010. I only have three more months, but probably closer to two because of my long cycles and then a baby in 2010 will not happen. You can see how this can make me feel even worse that this cycle was a bust. We did everything right this cycle...but Heavenly Father did not bless us with what we desire most. I have been blessed in other areas...I became an EA this year. I got a new client, a couple prospective tax clients, work with a financial consulting firm....all in all, we have survived a very hard economic year....but this is not what I desire MOST. I want to have a home full of children. I dont know if that will happen...and I am not sure if I will ever be happy about it.

So to take away from the doom and gloom that I feel---I have decided to focus on the good years that I remember.

2003 and 2004 were good years. I met Patric in 2003. We got married in 2004. 2006 was a good year. We got pregnant with Josh, I quit my job and got hired by American Disposal and I graduated from college. 2007 was the BEST year...we had Josh. Oh, my world was so happy then. I tried hard not to complain about him, frankly because there wasn't much to complain about! He was such an easy baby...I also started my business in 2007...life, frankly, could not have been better that year.

2001 was a fun year. I graduated high school, had a fun summer before college...went to college.

I know year's in my life that were not great. 1992 sucked, 1999 sucked. and 2009 can join those years.

Anyway--

GOOD RIDDANCE to you 2009. May 2010 bring my family all the happiness it deserves...because frankly...we are trying to be positive and happy, even when we are dumped on time and time again!