What a drab last post!

Ok--so moving on from that last post...wow! How depressing! It was good to write it out, and well...lets move on. I was eating really well for like 2 weeks...and then I sucked! I even gave up birthday cake for my birthday...but then the very next week said screw it, lets eat ice cream! We had A LOT of rain...and well, that ruins any type of motivation I have!

We have been trying to build our gluten free bakery. We are in with a wine tasting and restaurant shop in Occoquan. Next weekend, Sept 24 is Occoquan's big craft show so there is no Occoquan Farmer's Market....normally we would be losing money, but Tastefully Yours is going to be ordering our products to sell for that day. I can't stop thinking about having our own shop and just changing Patric's work situation entirely...but we don't have the cash for it : ( We need Patric's paycheck, desperately!

This blog has been void of pictures because my camera has been on the fritz for awhile. I looked on my camera last night and had some great shots!

Who needs snow?? Ella and Josh LOVED sledding in our dirt backyard. This is a day or two before they moved out.
Best friends forever.
A few minutes before they left our lives. I was the only one a blubbering mess...
Yesterday Josh called me into his room. He was very proud of his set up. He has a nice audience for the train race that he set up. I love when Josh plays with his toys!
I went to Joanns for stuff for Andersson's Kitchen, and I always get little crafts for Josh. He and Patric worked on painting a train last night.
Josh did a really good job painting!
Oh...and I chopped my hair off even more...

In other news--
Patric got his "swimmers" checked...his decision, not mine. We have focused so much on "fixing" me...but apparently it is not just me. Thankful for a doctor that said we need to check your husband too..because a lot of doctors will only focus on the female. Well...Patric has a lower, not LOW, but lower count...and bad motility, his morphology is fine...higher ph...basically...we are screwed. haha...well, you know me! I am not going to let that lead our lives. My dr suggests Patric go to a urologist. I went to Dr. Google last night and read about some natural herbs that should help. So now that we know completely what we are up against, and that it isn't just my fault or his fault, we can move forward to try to fix the issue. I read great things about maca root...so we shall see. Patric had a feeling something was wrong with him, and glad for once that I didn't talk him away from something! Oh...and this month was the BEST for intimacy that it has been for a long time with us. I don't know why. But we actually enjoyed each other this month...now we just need to reap the benefits of our enjoyment ; )

So thats that!

Sasha

Blah

Disclaimer on this blog:
What I am about to write should just go in a journal tucked away somewhere to magically take away all that I feel...but...I don't have a journal, this has sort of been my journal, so while I am opening this up to the world to read, I don't want anyone coming up to me to talk about what I write. Feel free to leave messages, but I don't want to be bombarded with information or thoughts or whatever to my face. For once, I ask for you to talk to me behind my back! haha. Also--if you get easily offended, don't read either.

I don't know if I ever wrote that I was doing clomid. I don't know if I wanted that to be out in the blog world or not. If you didn't know...well now you do. And while clomid made me ovulate earlier in my cycle...I did not get pregnant on the three rounds I was prescribed. My doctor only wanted to do three rounds, which I am grateful for because I didn't think it was going to work anyway.

When I think back on how I wanted my life to go, I can tell you, I never thought fertility issues would rock my world. I always had in the back of my mind, oh my husband is going to die young, I never will get married(ha..I got married at 20), I am going to be a Social Worker in a hospital to help families with cancer in the family (if you can believe it...that is what I initially wanted to do with my life), etc.

When we decided to try for a 2nd child in December 2008 I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be here on August 8, 2011 without one or two more children in my arms. Patric and I discussed how many kids we wanted when we were dating. I can assure you, one kid was never in the discussions. And yet, I think that is all we will have. And typing that out is SO hard. I have tried EVERYTHING, within our financial means, to have my own little baby in my arms again. It hurts so much knowing that Josh is growing up so quickly and soon I won't have someone to be with me during the days anymore. I often feel alone (though I know I am not alone...I have a few dear friends that have or are going through what I am). I often want to run away and be by myself. I can't always hide how I feel, I wear my emotions on my face so well.

We have three options now - IUI, IVF and adoption. We don't have the money for IVF and honestly, I just don't think I have the mental capacity to do it. I don't think I could adopt either, though I have often thought about fostering children. This leaves IUI..which we may or may not do. My insurance only covers half of it...and we don't have much cash anyway...and there isn't MUCH higher of a chance doing it anyway.

Going through this has been like going through the grief cycle 12 months out of the year. Every time I am not pregnant that month, I get angry, sad, and then I get over it. Until the next month...and lets do it all again. I just want to move to acceptance that it isn't going to happen and move on with my life. I don't want the emotional rollercoaster anymore. I feel like I am such a horrible mom because I can't see the child in front of me half the time because I am constantly longing for the one I don't have. And if you know my son, you know that he is the most loving and caring little boy ever. I don't think I could have gotten a better kid. So I am VERY grateful to have him.

So...here is my post to say I am moving on. I am accepting the life that has been thrown my way. I am switching the focus back to me...I lost 20 pounds in 6 weeks...think I can do it again? For me, I have to have something to focus on. Obviously I can't say that Patric and I will EVER stop trying because we don't have to wear protection...since we have gone 2.5 years without it! So there is always a chance and there will always be hope. But I can say, I am not going to stop exercising while I wait to know if I am pregnant. I am not going to over indulge in foods I shouldn't eat because hopefully I will just be pregnant anyway. I will TRY to accept the fact that I have friends that will always have more kids than me. I think that is the hardest part. I wish I could be thrown on an island with people who only have one kid and have tried and tried and tried for another and can't conceive...for no apparent reason at all.

I know I have much to be grateful for...so I want to accept this part of my life so I can fully appreciate the other parts of my life that are so great.

Don't be alarmed when you see my super skinny again. I AM eating...I DO want to lose weight, I NEED to have a focus other then trying to get pregnant.

If you have read this from start to finish, I applaud you. It is not uplifting...and I am not trying to be. I have been battling my feelings for so long...trying to put on a happy face when on the inside I am falling apart. It may take me awhile to truly feel happy...I hope not too long. I just want to feel the happiness that I know I have felt, again.

It has been awhile!

We have been pretty busy over here for the past few weeks! I am not complaining. We have gotten orders in for our bakery (www.anderssonskitchen.com) and have gotten GREAT feedback. I don't know if everyone is just being nice, or if they really DO like our stuff...either way it is fun.

We just got an order in for 1 dozen red velvet cupcakes, 1 dozen strawberry cupcakes and an 8in vanilla cake. I am SO excited someone ordered the strawberry cupcakes. It is the first time someone has and I LOVE them. I hope they will too. People have been so generous in passing our cards around and we are grateful for all the support.

In the midst of all this excitement...Patric got a raise. Can you believe it? Three years waiting for this great raise, and it happened so anti-climatic. On pay day, the payroll clerk came to him and said, oh, you got a raise. It wasn't a great raise...in fact, I felt like it was a slap in the face, but a raise is a raise I suppose, and we should be grateful. It still doesn't steer us from getting this bakery REALLY going so that he can get out of there! I called him last week for something and he just sounded SO DOWN. And if you know my husband, he RARELY sounds depressed. He is the happy swede! I asked him what the matter was...and he said that he would talk with me later about it (which only meant one thing to me...he didn't want his jerk of a boss to hear him complaining about him). I have seen my husband look and sound down more then I want to in the five years he has worked there. Actually--he probably enjoyed the first year, it was probably around year 2 and on that we realized this job was not going to be a career for him...but a place to hang for awhile until something better came along. I didn't exactly think the something better would be a gluten free bakery...but you never know what is going to come your way in life.

It has been a bit more chaotic for me then Patric in this adventure because, while yes, I am home with Josh and I SHOULD be able to get the baking under control...I also run an accounting business (if you didn't already know that), and trying to keep Josh entertained through it all. It has been interesting, but I think when we get into the swing of things and when I have Patric home with me (one day...) then it will all be fine.

In other news -

The Terry's are moving out this weekend. It has been 10 months of living with our friends. People can't believe we are still friends after this. It hasn't always been easy, I am sure on both sides, but I would do it again. We are sad to see them leave the state! I think Josh will be moping around for while...longing for his Ella.

Other than that---we have some fun things coming up. We are in the Occoquan Farmer's Market, so our Saturday mornings are determined for us until October 29. We have our niece and her friend, coming to visit from Sweden from July 27 - August 12. We are taking her on our family vacation to the beach in NC. I hope she will be able to handle the chaos! I SO can't wait to go to the beach. I have had many feelings of selling our house recently. I know I won't do it...but it is SO enticing to sell it, take the profit and move to NC. I REALLY have a strong desire to be closer to water. We aren't too far now, but I want to be EVEN closer. Virginia is a great place to live though, because there are always jobs...especially in my industry...and there is money...for our other industry (bakery). We will just have to buy a vacation home and visit a couple of times a year.

And--because this blog has been void of pictures for a while...here are some pics!

Valerie wanted to go to the zoo...and we wanted to come!

This little girl or guy was SO LOUD! He/She was adorable and definitely had a crowd of people watching him.

I love these two together...Brendan and Josh.

Josh decided he wanted to sit on the lap of this bear.

This is SUCH a delicious cake! It is our gluten free cookies and cream cake with cookies and buttercream icing with cake crumbles and ganache.
I learned this technique in my decorating class, so I decided to try it out on a customer. People at her party liked the look of them so much that I got an order, JUST because of that! (well..hopefully because of the taste as well). That is what I love about this...this last order was from someone who is not even gluten free...and it is for her daughter's birthday party. I am honored that she chose to go with us on such an important day!
And--because sometimes I need major changes in my life...
I chopped my hair off.

That's all for now!

Final Weigh in!

So--now that we have stuffed ourselves on this great Father's Day like gluttonous pigs, I must post our final results of this week long soup diet.

Patric lost 9.8 lbs
Sasha lost 7.4 lbs

My stomach is SO SORE from all the crap I ate today...well, it wasn't all crap, but it was certainly more than I have ate the last week! I can't wait to eat well tomorrow and wash away the sugar that I have eaten today.

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - 7

The Final Day! We are finally here. What a long week!

Today - on the menu - Brown rice, unsweetened juice and veggies. Be sure to stuff yourself (not possible) and eat the soup. you can add cooked veggies to your rice if you wish.

I am out of the soup so I went and bought a vegetable campbells soup. I can't eat the other soup anymore, I think its nasty. Patric likes the soup better than campbells...go figure.

Weight loss -

Patric - down 8.9 lbs
Sasha - down 7.2 lbs

I will probably end up only losing like 8 lbs on this diet...so 10-17 my butt! i know its because I haven't eaten enough...I had no energy and no appetite for the food!

Today I filled an order for red velvet cupcakes, and I wanted to make sure they tasted ok. I had to spit the cupcake out so I wouldn't get the calories. What a freakin waste!

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - 6

Day 5 kinda sucked too. Basically, this whole diet sucks. The main problem with it is that it doesn't allow for much of a good breakfast food item. I don't want to eat veggies for breakfast and I don't like eating meat that early either.

Today--meat and veggies. You can have 2-3 steaks if you want even. And make sure you eat the soup at least once. I already resolved to not making more soup, so once we are out, thats it. We are going to have to ration the soup.

Weight loss-
Patric - down 7.7 lbs
Sasha - down 6 lbs

I don't know if we will make the 10-17 lb range. Two more full days of this crap. I do have to say, that it is nice to see the scale lower though...and it HAS made me want to continue to eat healthy after I am done. While it is NOT a diet to do forever, it is a good kick start to better eating habits.

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - 5

Holy Crap! We are finally at day 5...three more full days left of this diet. Yesterday wasn't bad with all the bananas, but the milk gave me a bad taste in my mouth. Oh well!

Patric didn't lose anything from yesterday to today...ha!

Weightloss -

Patric - down 7.2 lbs
Sasha - down 5.6 lbs

Today is meat and tomatoes day. I mean seriously, who wrote this crap? Yesterday I was chatting with some friends and one, Jody Wild, suggested that I start a blog where I just write about different fad diets I am on at the time. I would have to gain weight and lose over and over again, but then I can tie that into Andersson's Kitchen. Pretty funny huh? I have the willpower to do crazy diets, so it could be a funny thing to do..though it will SUCK!

So..I made chicken last night for us to consume today. I have 12 roma tomatoes all ready to eat! And of course...the soup.

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - 4

Day 3 wasn't so bad. I ate a ton of fruit, a few veggies and the soup. People find my willpower to be so great...I guess it is because four people in the same house are doing it. I honestly don't have any cravings. I mean, I could still go for a sandwich or something, but Im not DYING to eat. And I have been without soda for more than a week now.

Day 4 Diet
Eat bananas and skim milk...and dont forget the soup. I dont mind the soup today because as off 3:18, I have only eaten three bananas and probably three cups of skim milk and water. Milk and bananas fill me up pretty good though, so I am not starving.

Weight loss -
Patric - down 7.2 lbs
Sasha - down 4.8 lbs

Of course my husband would lose weight faster...but he also has more to lose, right???

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - 3

So ok...day 2 SUCKED! I was weak and starving all day. Veggies and soup is NOT enough to help sustain me. It was nice to have that potato at the end of the day though.

Weight loss -

Patric - down 5 lbs
Sasha - down 3 lbs

Today, the menu is, soup (which I tastes like vomit to me now), veggies and fruit. I think I can handle this. The fruit will be nice to have in the morning and I bought strawberries, grapes, watermelon and pineapple. We also have apples.

I really think this diet is bogus, and the only reason I have lost anything is because I am HUNGRY!
I will not fail on this diet though...even though I have to bake yummy treats from my bakery today to give out to a couple of customers.

Just five more days!

Sacred Heart Medical Diet - Day 2

Wow---Day one was hard! I think Day two will be even harder...but day three will be alright.

Day two -
All vegetables. Eat until you are stuffed with fresh, raw, cooked or canned vegetables. Try to eat green leafy veggies and stay away from dry beans, peas and corn. Eat veggies along with soup. At dinnertime tonight, reward yourself with a big baked potato and butter. Don't eat any fruits through today.

So--

Weightloss -

Patric - down 3.2
Sasha - down 2.0

I actually made it to the gym and Patric is out riding his bike with Josh strapped in on it...so I am sure he is getting a good work out too!

I felt good this morning. Last night I thought I was going to eat my arm! TMI warning---so far I am the only one with any change in bowel movements...but it could be because my body isn't used to eating so much fruit! I ate basically a half of a watermelon by myself yesterday, an apple, grapes, strawberries and soup!

Just 6 more days!

Sacred Heart Medical Diet???

So---

I heard Brad and Kami talking about some soup diet and whether they were going to do it or not. I was like, what is this diet you are referring to? They gave me a sheet with the info on it and I ran upstairs to chat with Patric. Patric was all for it, and so we decided to do this crazy diet for a week.

Now--I have googled this diet and it is not endorsed by Sacred Heart or anything like that...it has been a diet that has been passed around since the 80s. It used to be the Cabbage soup diet (thank goodness the cabbage is no longer in the soup...it sure would get smelly around here!) and it has other names to it as well.

Well---the more I read, the more skeptical I was to whether we should even TRY to do this "diet". It is TRULY a fad diet because there is absolutely NO WAY to sustain this diet. But---it is a way to get us off of the crap we have been eating and on our way to a healthier lifestyle...which is what I have been BEGGING Patric to do for the last like three years.

So--we started the diet today.

Day 1 - Any fruit (except bananas). Cantaloupes and Watermelons are lower in calories than most fruits. Eat only soup and fruits today.

The Soup is -

1 or 2 cans of stewed tomatoes
3 large green onions
1 large can of beef broth
1 bunch of celery
2 cans of green beans
2 lbs of carrots
2 green peppers

Season with salt, pepper, curry, boillon or hot or worchestershire sauce. Cut veggies in small to medium pieces. cover with water. Boil fast for 10 minutes. Reduce to simmer and continue to cook until veggies are tender.

For drinks -
Unsweetened Juices
Tea
Coffee
Cranberry Juice
Skim Milk
Water

This diet claims you can lose 10-17 lbs in one week. So--while I am skeptical on how long we will last on it...it would be nice to lose 10 lbs and hopefully get our eating habits under wraps. Or...I can just say this is a mind game that I am playing. It is a way for me to see if I have any willpower!! I had a lot more willpower from October 2008-August 2009. I do miss the way I felt back then...so it is my desire that this diet with help me gain control of something in my life (my eating), and hopefully I will be able to keep a low cal diet after it is done.

Is it ridiculous? Probably...but it is fun to put ourselves through this for a week. I will write each day what we are able to eat, plus our weight loss numbers each day this week. This is TOTALLY a blog worthy type of thing to do!

Sasha

New hair cut and Andersson's Kitchen!

So-
This week brought some changes! I chopped my hair off, for one! Sometimes I just need a change, and I was thinking about this change for about two months. Patric likes my hair long, but he understood that I needed this...so I did it. We discussed where I should go. The last few times I have gone to hair cuttery it has been a bad experience. You get what you paid for right? Patric thought I should go to a nicer place, but in the end, I went back to what I know...I guess I live on the wild side! I walked into Hair Cuttery with a picture of a style I wanted and asked the person who greeted me if there was someone there that could take my hair, which was currently down and still wet from my shower (seriously, with 100 degree weather, I am NOT running the hair dryer) from what it was, to the picture I had with me. The lady pointed to another person who was finishing up a cut. I thought that it was great that she didn't say she could do it and then destroy my hair. I felt comfortable with who she pointed to and said I would be back. I had to go into Target to pick up some junk that I forgot to buy the previous day I was at Target...I swear I could live at Target.

Anyway--I go back and Lindsay, who doesn't have set hours at Hair Cuttery, chopped my hair off. She did an AWESOME job...especially because she wasn't cocky about her cutting style. I liked that...she asked me how I liked it while she was cutting...asked for input if I wanted her to fix anything etc. I am VERY pleased with the cut. I will have to take a good picture of it when I have actually done it nice and upload on this post.

Then--today, we FINALLY had our inspection for Andersson's Kitchen. www.anderssonskitchen.com

We PASSED!!! Hooray! I feel like now I can finally get the word out, since we wanted to make sure we had all our ducks in a row before taking this on. Remember, we have big goals...so big goals means you have to get all the paperwork done in the very beginning (am I an accountant or what???).

We already have our first official order in as well. I have filled a few orders for my mom = ) but this is not my mom! I am grateful for any and all support from my friends and family surrounding this business. Patric and I really believe and have worked hard to make our products the way they are and also getting all the paperwork completed etc to make this happen. It is our desire to get Patric moved into this full time soon enough so he can stop being belittle by his boss. It will be a huge leap when we finally get him out of that situation, but it will be worth it to be with my husband all the time...because that is also a desire we have for each other. Patric is my soul mate and I ache for him when I am not with him and it has been our desire for about two years to work side by side.

Anyway---that is all for now!

Memorial Weekend Get - A - Way!

So--Patric and I kept discussing what we were going to do for Memorial Weekend...if anything. I had basically decided we weren't going to do anything, we need to save money yadda yadda yadda. Well...the Emericks came over for dinner one day a few weeks ago and we were discussing Memorial Weekend. I had stated that we generally like to do something, especially beach related...and they were like, ooh, we're in! So then I was like, it could be fun to recruit the Near family as well, since Brendan is Josh's best friend. How fun would that be to have three four year old boys together for a weekend of sun, sand and waves? When I approached the Nears, they got back to me and said they were in! Off to Ward Realty I went to look for houses. We got a great home and had the best weekend. We all got a little burned...but I think we made some great memories and strengthened our friendships (at least I hope!!).

Here are some fun pics! (Because my camera actually decided to work this weekend, HOORAY!)

I may be a little biased here, but these three four year old boys are the coolest and cutest I know!

Digging in the sand is a must at the beach!


Chris catching some waves.
The Emericks admiring Chris's wave catching abilities.


Valerie dropping some fears and catching some waves.

My favorite part of going to the beach is sitting and reading a good book.

Thanks to the Emerick Family and Near Family for wanting to go on this trip with us. I hope that we will be able to take many more like this in the future with friends!

A New Hope!!

So--

I have been in hiding with my fertility issues because I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I didn't want my life to be surrounded by my infertility. I wanted to enjoy my son and also focus on building my accounting business. But---I did finally make an appointment with my doctor and was seen on April 13. She ordered some blood tests to get done and told me to go that Saturday. I knew I hadn't ovulated yet and one of the tests was for progesterone so I opted to wait until Monday (though even by then I hadn't ovulated or was ovulating that day).

They took 20 freakin vials of blood!! The lady when she was printing off the labels was like, I hope you had a good breakfast this morning. I didn't. I had a bowl of cinnamon chex if I can recall. So I sit down in the chair, and I know not to look because it freaks me out...but she just kept pulling different vials. It probably took her five minutes just to sort out the labels with the blood vials.

finally--she goes to take my blood, and she doesn't put the rubber band around my arm like they normally do...and then probably like a minute later from trying to get my blood to start flowing, another person comes to check out why my blood isn't flowing, at this point I do look over...no blood, just a needle in my vein.

Finally, she puts the rubber band around my arm and the blood starts flowing. I think we get to vial 6 before I start feeling woozy...they had me lay down, asked me if I wanted to stop..put a wet towel on my head...called in someone over the loud speaker to take my blood pressure and pulse. Through all this, which probably only took 2 minutes at most, I said, NO, KEEP TAKING THE BLOOD! The feeling of ALMOST passing out is CRAZY! My hearing started going...like I felt like I was in a tunnel or something and they were far away. I had tingling in my hands and I couldn't talk normal. They did finish filling up the 20 vials. They took my blood pressure twice...obviously the first one was low... A nice lady even offered to drive me somewhere. But after a few minutes, I was fine. Poor Josh had to watch all the hullabaloo happening. I asked him later if he was scared, and he said, no. I knew you were ok. I love that little man!

Anyway---

All my test results came back normal, except for one. And this is a GREAT one! Though not great that I don't have normal results, I suppose, it is something to FIX!!

I tested positive for one copy of the C677T mutation on the MTHFR gene. This mutation can cause miscarriages and implantation problems. Hello 2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy over here!!! The good news is, with higher doses of folic acid(which my doctor already prescribed and I am already taking since my April 13 appointment), along with baby aspirin, b-6 and b-12 there is hope that I can carry another child to term! Of course, I must get pregnant first (though I have had my suspicions in this past year that we did have other losses...especially when I was late a couple of times and I am never late), and that is where the clomid comes in. My doctor also prescribed clomid, which I will be taking soon...unless by some miracle I am pregnant now. I highly doubt it and am not holding my breath...so don't hold yours!

I just HAD to write this out, because it gives me hope! All my clotting tests regarding this mutation came back within normal ranges, I believe, so at least nothing else is wrong except that I have this pesky little mutation for the rest of my life...and will have to have it monitored.

I WILL get pregnant soon!

Baking Queen!

I had to look at the last time I posted and it was March 25. It has been like three weeks since we have decided to seriously look into doing this gluten free bakery, and while it is exciting and fun, I have many fears.

My biggest fear is that I am going to contaminate someone that has gluten intolerance with my baking. I NEVER want to make someone sick with something they buy from me. While I am focusing on making my items gluten free, and testing that I can do to make sure that it is gluten free I stumble upon forums and blogs with people talking about how they are getting sick. Gluten is in EVERYTHING it seems, even things that we think are gluten free. There is an entire forum surrounding people testing foods and seeing if there is gluten or at least the ppm (whatever that means). In America, anything 20 ppm and lower is considered gluten free, in all other countries I believe 0 ppm is gluten free, so America is a bit behind on this disease. There are test strips out there to test the food for 10ppm or higher. I don't grow my own rice or milk my own cow so how do I TRULY know if things are gluten free?? I certainly don't want to give an item that I think is gluten free to someone with celiac disease, only to cause them to get sick. I could very well have gluten intolerance, as it is a highly genetic disease and I know that it runs in my family, but I don't deal with the sickness that someone of my family members have, so I don't have the reactions that they do.

I am a rollercoaster of emotions regarding this endeavor. I want to make good food that anybody would eat...but the fear of making someone sick SUCKS! Maybe I need to turn my backyard into one big farm to ensure that the items I offer are 100% gluten free.

With that being said--I am quite happy with our spread thus far. We did register our name with the county, so we are officially Andersson's Kitchen. We need to get all of our paperwork into the department of Agriculture and then get inspected. If we pass inspection, then we can go to the county and get zoning approval. Though in VA, you don't really have to do all this, I want to do it because I have bigger dreams (or at least bigger goals. This wasn't really a dream of mine). I had to stop trying new recipes because we have to turn all of our recipes into the dept of agriculture and it was getting ridiculous how long it took to type it all up and do all the procedures etc.

We have a good list though ---

Cookies -
White chip macadamia nut
Melt aways
Chocolate Chip
Chocolate with white chip
peanut butter
Sugar cookies
White chip and toffee
Chocolate dipped chocolate chip
Chocolate dipped Shortbread cookies
Blueberry Muffins
Chocolate Chip Muffins
Vanilla Cupcakes
Triple Chocolate Cupcakes
Strawberry Cupcakes (a personal fav)
Lemon Cupcakes
Dark Chocolate Cupcakes
Red Velvet Cupcakes (my mom's fav)
Peanut butter cup chocolate cupcakes
Vanilla Mousse Cheesecake
Sour Cream Lemon Poundcake
Brownies
Angel Food Cake
Chocolate Cream Pie
Pavlova
Apple Pie
And then various icings for the cupcakes

We will add more, but we wanted to get these to the state to get the process going.

My mom did order some cupcakes today...so we had our first official sale. I felt kind of weird taking money from my mom for this endeavor, but she insisted since it was a business we were running. Of course, she has had MANY freebies given to her through these past few weeks, and I threw in another 5 or 6 cupcakes from another batch I made for her to try as well as my step-niece...who the cupcakes were for because she had a birthday party and is gluten free.

There are some ULTRA sensitive gluten intolerant people out there...I think I need to just stay away from their forums or I will walk away from this endeavor. They go completely grain free, meaning no rice even...and rice isn't supposed to have gluten in it. Patric just said, those are the types that won't be our customers. I guess he is right, because if you are ultra sensitive to gluten you probably need to grow and make everything yourself because probably everything comes in contact with a little bit of gluten here and there.

I feel a bit discouraged...though many around me are good at keeping my spirits up, especially my mom. She is super excited about this...I think moreso then when I decided to open my bookkeeping and tax business.

Anyway--we are off to dinner. I get to bring some yummy treats!

Sasha

I think Patric and I are nuts!

So if you are friends with my on facebook, you may have noticed the abundance of baking I have been doing lately. I am trying out recipes and changing them to be gluten free. Why would I do that?? Well--back in 2004 when Patric and I got married, he said he thought that we should open a gluten free restaurant or bakery or whatever. I laughed and said, no way. Obviously, during that time, I have baked gluten free and cooked gluten free, not only for the benefit of my immediate family of Patric and Josh and I, but also because I have diagnosed members of my family with gluten intolerance.

I don't know exactly how it came up last week...perhaps I bothered Patric again about his lack of a raise (well...his boss's lack of integrity really...) and how if Patric really put his mind to it, he could run his own business, like he did in Sweden. I asked him what his fear was...that America is the land of opportunity...that if he could make it in Sweden he could make it here...and all the other "pep talk" crap that comes out of my mouth when I try to put some confidence into my beaten down husband...which we all know, I participate in beating him down from time to time as well.

Well---his response was, I think we should do a gluten free bakery. (He has thrown this idea at me over and over again in the seven years we have been married, by the way). I said, fine...lets do it. Well--more like, ok, lets think about this seriously, talk with the county, research online for other gluten free bakers in the area, what our competition is like, what other gluten free bakers have done etc...because while I LOVE LOVE LOVE to bake, it kind of scares me to get REALLY busy with baking (how pompous of me...I don't even know if anyone will buy my stuff), and how would I keep up with Josh and running SJP Accounting (which has been AWESOME this year by the way...I am very pleased with the first quarter of 2011 for SJP Accounting.) While I love my husband, and I totally think he could do some of the work that I do, basically anyone could, I am a control freak when it comes to SJP Accounting. But---this gluten free baking idea is Patric's idea...so if he wants to do it, he will have to get on the phone with the county (which he has already done), research other gluten free bakers (which he has already done) etc.

I think he is serious about this one ladies and gents. We still need to figure it all out and we REALLY need to pray and probably make a trip up to the temple for this one (I am so grateful to be a Latter-Day Saint aka Mormon), because I am able to make decisions that are aided by the Big Man Upstairs. This is NOT an endeavor that I am going to take lightly...especially since I will take on most of the baking in the beginning, as Patric still has a full time job (which we had a goal for him to get out of soon...) and still run SJP Accounting AND still be a stay at home mom. I am exhausted just THINKING about it....but if it is truly what we are supposed to do, I am up to the challenge, and definitely excited to see Patric have some life in him again. I think his job has drained the life out of him...whether he sees it or not!

So while we are still in the research and development stages and maybe never will get to the actual opening of a gluten free business (which would initially be run from our home, but we have some long term goals, at least in our heads...for a storefront), you will continue to see yummy baked goodies posted on facebook and my runs to your house (if you are one of the lucky ones) with treats that I need you to try out ... so I don't gain a million pounds in this process (thank GOODNESS I bought a 6 month gym pass!!) Try not to drool too much on the computer screen...because I gotta tell you, all that I have baked this week have been AMAZING! And most importantly, I think that yummy gluten free treats are a must for those who suddenly have to change their diet!

So---what are your thoughts? am I nutso?

Josh is four??!

Where did the time go? I still remember the days leading up to his birth. I somewhat remember the hospital stay. I definitely remember the cuddly newborn days. But now my little boy is four? This must be a mistake! I have memories when I was four. I guess I need to start being a better parent since his memory is going to be getting better!

Anyway--I have been somewhat busy (ok a lot busy) these past few weeks and the mommy guilt set in quite a bit, so we did Josh's birthday fun this year. We got him presents (which some we had bought before Christmas, we just held onto them), and decided that we were going to take him to Chuck E Cheese's for his birthday dinner. We have never taken him to Chuck E Cheese's and the last time I went was for my niece Rebecca's like third birthday or something. Luckily it was a Monday night, so it wasn't too crazy. I kept going back and forth as to whether I should invite Josh's friend Brendan and our friends Chris and Valerie. Part of me wanted Josh's bestie there, but the other part of me didn't want to put our friends through the chaos. I decided to ask anyway, and they actually wanted to come. So that made Josh happy, and of course, us happy!

Here are some pictures of Josh on his birthday.

He is standing next to his "grow chart" that we created on our wall. He has grown an inch in a month! He is wearing his new Shaun White shirt. Ever since the olympics, he loves Shaun White, and target carries his clothing line, so when we walk past his picture he yells, "Shaun White!"
Two things Josh loves, cars and Toy Story. Luckily, hotwheels has combined them! This is a buzz hotwheel.
I actually think he is mocking me in this picture, because I asked him to smile.
We saw this big sidewalk chalk and just couldn't resist buying them for him.
All of Josh's loot. Toy Story 2, sidewalk chalk, a Mickey Mouse puzzle, the game Trouble, Buzz car and a Toy Story sticker book. He was satisfied.
Also--every week when we go food shopping, he has to see the M&M cake. So naturally, when we asked him what type of cake he wanted for his birthday he wanted the M&M cake. It was delicious!

Now you think that would end the festivities of Josh's birth. But no. One Sunday morning, back in January I believe, Patric sat down with Josh and asked if he wanted a birthday party. Of course a kid is going to want a birthday party. I immediately said, we have to limit the amount of friends that come. We have a lot of friends with kids in our church, but I couldn't fathom inviting everyone, so if your kid was not invited, it wasn't because we didn't want your child to be there...it was because we don't have the space or resources to have a party that big! We told Josh that he could pick eight friends. It did get bumped up to ten friends, but one couldn't make it, so we ended up having ten kids at our house yesterday (including Josh). I hope that they had fun. Luckily the weather was beautiful, so we spent a lot of time outside, blowing bubbles, swinging, and exploring the back yard.

We also played a different version of musical chairs and hot potato. Of course, the theme was Toy Story, since my child has loved Toy Story since the existence of his life! They also enjoyed cupcakes and ice cream and opening presents with Josh. Josh was super excited about his presents, naturally, and wanted to plow right through them. We made him stop after each present, and thank and hug the person who gave it to him.

Here are some pictures-
What cute little boys...with their tongues out...
Playing on the swings.
Waiting patiently for Hot Potato. I just couldn't resist taking a million pictures of these cute kids.
Playing "musical chairs."
The decorations.
The kids patiently waiting for some cake and ice cream.

So there it is. Another year of Josh's life down, hopefully many many many many many many many many many many many more to go!

Josh--if you read this later in life, know that your mom and dad love you VERY much and want nothing but happiness for you in your life....even if it means we lose a little of our sanity in the process!

Sweden!

We had the great opportunity to go to Sweden for Patric's sister Marie's 50th birthday party. Marie wanted Patric to come so she actually paid for his ticket! What a nice sister! I debated back and forth whether I should go, I knew I wanted Josh to go because he needs to know his family in Sweden as well, but finances being the way they have been, up and down, I wasn't sure. Of course, it is also the busy time for me with tax returns and various bookkeeping projects that come up...but, I decided to go as well. We flew out in the evening of Feb 9 and came home the morning of Feb 15 so it was a very short trip. Before we left, I was pretty sad that we were only going to be there for such a short time...we usually are there for two weekends, about 9 days...but we were only there for 4.5 days. Perhaps Harry and Marie were grateful that there houseguests were only there for a short time this time :)

The last time we went to Sweden was to sell Patric's apartment in Goteburg. I guess with that sale I figured he wasn't so interested in living there and that the discussion was off the table for awhile. Well, while we were there, we started talking about the move to Sweden again. Who knows if it will actually happen. Patric will have to take more initiative for it to happen. I do have to remind myself from time to time that I married Patric for the adventure of moving out of my comfort zone...of course, for the last almost 7 years we have been sitting comfortably in the same place I grew up...Patric, I NEED adventure! Make this happen!

Anyway--here are some pictures of the short trip! I didn't pull out the camera for the party, which is unfortunate because Marie looked so beautiful. I don't believe that she is 50...she looks great!
I love this picture of Patric and Josh. Josh absolutely LOVES snow...so this was his heaven on earth.
Patric's sister has a horse farm, so we always get to see these beautiful animals close up when we are in Sweden.
We flew into Sweden on the right day...it was the start of a big snow storm. The next day, flights were canceled. Patric and Josh never can resist doing snow angels.
Sweden is such a beautiful country...and this is just a taste of what Marie and Harry own.
Marie and Harry have an enormous dog...lucky she is the sweetest dog ever.
Patric's heaven...horses, snow, dogs, cats, kids...life doesn't get much better for him.
An example of Josh's fearlessness. Luckily this was a nice horse.
This is probably my favorite city in Sweden, Dalaro, so I needed to go there while we were in Sweden. These ducks were just relaxing on the road...we could literally touch them if we wanted.
Case in point. Patric is standing right next to the duck...and they aren't even phased by it.
It happened to start snowing while we were in Dalaro. It was beautiful. These ducks followed us where ever we went. I have a video on my phone that shows that..but I have to get it on youtube.
These are the houses on the water. Patric and I have dreams of living here one day. Dreams...
Josh loved the ducks..as you can tell. They jumped out of the water eventually as well. I don't have any pictures of that.

I already want to go back...this time in the summer, of course. I wish we could go this summer, but we gotta pay off the tickets we just bought first and get stuff down around here. Perhaps the summer of 2012 we can visit again (or maybe move...ha!).

Holy January!I

So--wow---I am SO excited that tomorrow is January 31 and I can move on from this month. It was a DOOZY!

To start--I was trying to be a good accountant and load up my software for this tax season. The only problem was, it wasn't working! I enlisted the help of a friend and he got it to load. I thought the problem was over and all would be well again in my world. (Had I known this was one of the minor things I would be dealing with this month I would not have stressed out as much). When I went to license the software, it wouldn't work. So I called tech support and spent probably about eight hours total on the phone with them. Turns out, I had a bad virus that virtually destroyed any chance of getting that program onto my computer. I had a few options 1. Erase everything on the lap top and start over 2. Buy a new lap top.

I opted for number two. Eventually I will erase everything off of my other computer, but I was so scared of losing something that I can't bring myself to do it. This is almost four years of work on my computer...I CERTAINLY can not lose that. How could I explain it to my clients?

I was already freaking out about money for this month because January is a tough month anyway--and now I am out buying a new computer...oh and Quickbooks was on sale, so I opted to buy it as well, since it was so cheap.

Then I decide to start on our tax return, at least get preliminary numbers in so I can plan. I knew I made more money last year then the previous year and having renters in our home, I anticipated having to owe a bit. I didn't anticipate THIS MUCH. I was freaking out!

And then...the next day we get a call from our tenants that the heater was making a really loud banging sound and so they turned it off. We knew that the heater was old...and we knew that eventually it was going to go out...but WHY did it have to be THIS month?? By this point, I thought...I REALLY can not handle anymore...my head is going to EXPLODE!

Remember---I was ALREADY freaking out about being able to pay all of our bills...and then on top of that all of these extra expenses are popping up.

After about a week...I am starting to relax...maybe even feel happy again? Calm? Peace?

HA!

I get a call on Friday Jan 21 from Patric. He says--out of breath--"Sasha, someone tried to run me off the road, the car....its flipped, I flipped the car...I need to call the police." Now...if you can remember...not too long ago Patric got rear ended and the car was totaled..we went through a lot of anxiety about buying a new car and dealing with insurance and all of that. I was NOT expecting to deal with this AGAIN!

Remember---I am ALREADY freaking out about money!!!

The car crash is a story in itself. I don't want to write it all out because it just makes me angry and sad. It will be a memory for Patric and myself to remember...but not sure if I need to write it out. If you have been one of the lucky ones to hear me tell it, thanks for listening to me and dealing with any of the tears that may have followed.

Anyway---so yes...these are all of the horror stories that have come from this month.

But--

In EVERY HORRIBLE thing that has happened this month...because all of them apart is enough for me to go gray and be admitted to a hospital...I have felt EXTREMELY blessed.

Lets start with the computer -

Having to buy another computer when we didn't have the month sucked. BUT- the lap top that I bought was super cheap. Half of the price of my other one. There was a nice sale going on. It was a pain to have to go get it in Manassas because the store we go to was out of them and I could only get it that day and then the price would go up $150.00 but it was in Manassas and it isn't too far away (I couldn't buy it online either, of course). 2nd...I had to buy Quickbooks this year. Intuit only lets you use all the functions of the software for three years...and I have been using QB 2008 for my clients...and..it was on sale as well...$150.00 off! So--I saved $300 total on two items I was considering buying this year anyway...

The heater breaking --

The first quote we got to fix the motor was $900 or to replace the entire unit was $3000.00. I am sure both Kami and my mom were worried about me that day. I literally was hyperventilating on the phone with my mom and bawling! Then, Trina Fife, BLESS HER HEART, gave me the number to a VERY NICE repair man. I gave him a call, and I asked him if he could give me a quote over the phone because I didn't want him to come out and charge me just to give me a quote. We had already paid $89 to the previous company (oh...and our tenants changed the locks AND put new walls up in our house that we didn't know about...I mean seriously people...my head was spinning this month).

The man said he could fix the motor for HALF of the price of the first company I contacted. He also said he would charge $4,200 to change both the heater and a/c. The first company, if we were to change both, would be $5,600. (It is smarter to change both at the same time if you have old units like ours). He came out because I said I was leaning more towards just changing the unit out at this point (even though we didn't have the money) because the last thing I want is more problems. He said he could come right away and measure things and give me the quote for the machine. When he came, he tried a few things out to see if it was even the motor. Now he originally told me that he would charge if it was a repair, but he gave free quotes for a new installation. He told me he was not going to charge me for coming out, even if I didn't put in a new unit.

We ended up getting a new motor for $450.00 instead of $900.00. I did tell him that when the time comes and we need to change it out, he will be the person to get the job!

Tax Return--

Something didn't sit right with me on our tax return. And so I went to the 1040 instructions of the self employed health insurance line. October of 2009 I decided to remove Josh and I from Patric's insurance at work because it was CRAZY expensive. It is a nice tax break to be on his insurance because it lowers our gross income, but we were going to have to pay over $800 a month!

On the instructions of the 1040, it states that if you are self employed and you are eligible to be on your spouse's subsidized insurance plan then you are not eligible for the deduction. My memory worked for once and I remembered Patric telling me when we were making the decision to remove Josh and I from his plan that the company he works for only pays for some of the employee's portion of the insurance and if you want coverage for your family you pay full price.

So---therefore I am not on a subsidized plan if I am on Patric's insurance...because we would pay the entire cost of the insurance. I decided to just see what other tax professionals thought of what I wanted to do, so I took it to a forum I go to, especially during tax time, for tax professionals. A CPA wrote on my thread that she believed I qualified for the deduction and then another tax professional said I did as well.

I am taking the deduction...and that literally saved me OVER a thousand on my taxes this year. I will be paying only a little over $200 total this year (I will get a refund from VA that I am offsetting towards what I owe to the Feds).

--The car accident

While losing the car that I loved so much for 6.5 years...and dealing with another totaled car, and a police man that charged the wrong person with the accident etc. My husband is still alive. My son has a father still. The biggest thing that made me cry when dealing with all of this was the thought that Josh wouldn't have his father anymore. I know what it is like to lose a father at a young age. If we lost Patric, I would be SO incredibly sad and MAD. It would fulfill all the fears I had when I married him. Being alone...Josh losing someone so young. I don't wish losing a parent at a young age on anyone.

Also--we are going to get a decent amount for the Matrix and we already bought another car. We bought the car for $5000 and we will get about $8000 for the car...so we will be able to pay for the other items that came up this month with that money and then replenish our savings as well a bit.

Oh--and in the midst of all this, I got extra work that I didn't anticipate...so we were able to pay our bills.

I have to constantly remind myself of how much I am blessed. This was a VERY hard month for me. I have cried a lot. I literally had a head ache for a week. That has been replaced with eye twitching. Heavenly Father must REALLY think that Patric and I can handle a lot because he throws A LOT of stuff at us that most people will never have to deal with in their lives. It does unite us closer to each other, which is probably the greatest gift of all. I love my husband so much and do not want to EVER lose him.

So--to those who wondered where I have been...this is what I have been up to this month!

Catching Up!

Wow--so I dropped off the face of this blog! To say life got busy is an understatement. Patric's birthday, Christmas, New Years all have come and gone. Now it is January 16! I have had a rough couple of weeks into 2011. My computer got a virus that destroyed it basically...and since it is tax season I was freaking out. Got that taken care of, and had to jump right into work...which I have been grateful to have because I have been freaking out about our finances. People have come out of the blue needing additional work and so I feel very blessed in that regard...but I have had a lot of long nights because of my computer problems and lots of work.

We have a lot of ideas for the future of my company---we really want to market my company now. I have been holding back a lot because I wanted to be available for Josh, but he is almost four and I need to stop holding back. There are many opportunities out there, and I need to stop resisting them.

So--lets look at pictures!

These two cuties waiting for Santa to arrive to throw candy to them!
His excitement is so fun! I love him so much!

I love this shot that I got. The man of the hour himself--Santa!

Our stockings!
For the last couple of years, we have been buying pjs for Josh for Christmas Eve. He was a little excited about these.
Still hugging his new pajamas.
I am usually the one taking the pictures, but Patric managed to take a few of me and Josh. My camera still has problems, so this is about as good as its gonna get.

Patric bought Josh a Woody and Buzz ornament for his little tree he had in his room. He LOVES all the Toy Story movies and characters.
Of course I had to take a picture of the tree after Santa made his visit.

This winter has been pretty lame...definitely compared to last year. We have had maybe 4 inches total of snow this year. It kind of sucks.

There probably won't be much for me to write about for the new few months as I will hopefully be working to building my bookkeeping and tax business. Josh will turn four in just two months. That kinda breaks my heart. My little boy is growing up way too fast! I wish I could just freeze time, before I know it, he is going to be graduating from high school and going off to college!